Page 29 of I'm Not Yours
“You don’t even want to try to be together? Get naked in my hot tub or wake up every Saturday morning and have French toast? Bike? Travel?” He moved his bike so our legs were touching. “Work on puzzles? Hike? Study the stars on our backs? Talk?”
“Right. No. I don’t want to do that.”Oh yes, I do!
“No commitment then?”
“No.”Yes!
“Why are you so averse to commitment?” He put his palms up, those muscles flexing in his arms. “What could possibly be wrong with being committed to someone you love for the rest of your life? What could be better than that?”
Nothing. Nothing would be better.“I’m better on my own. I didn’t have a good example of a marriage growing up.” That was minimizing it. “You almost have it all, Jace. Everything you wanted. You have the house in the country, you’re a doctor—”
“I don’t have it all. I have the job, I have the house in the country, but I don’t have a wife or kids.”
“Then go find her, Jace. It’s not going to be me. And I don’t want children.” That wasn’t true. I choked back tears. I did want kids. I wanted kids so much I ached. But that wasn’t going to happen because of a tragedy on an inky-black night.
His face registered shock. “Why? Why would you not want children? We talked about kids before. I thought you wanted four, at least. Remember we joked and said we were going to name our kids Grizzly Bear, Waterfall, Fishing Stream, andGeyser because of Yellowstone.” He shook his head. “What changed your mind?”
“Life did.”
“What do you mean by that? You would make a great mother, Allie. Anoutstandingmother.”
I didn’t know about that. “I have no desire to get involved with you, to get close to you, only to walk away. What’s the point? We’d both get hurt.”
“Maybe you won’t walk away.”
“I will walk away, Jace. I can assure you of that.” I would walk. I would save him from me, as utterly and ridiculously melodramatic as that sounded. I didn’t want to hurt him by telling him the truth and I didn’t want him to feel obligated toward me in any way. But he would not want a life with me once he knew. I knew him, and I knew what he most wanted.
He studied me for a minute and I could tell that his fast, capable brain was working at a zillion miles an hour. Jace was a keenly intelligent, perceptive man, who listened carefully. I tried not to think about how much I loved that brain.
All around us the country danced, birds chirped, a cow mooed, wind puffed up the tree leaves, and the country quilt in front of us shifted square to square in a plethora of colors.
“Around the corner is the most amazing view of Mt. Hood,” Jace said finally, his voice kind. “Let’s go look at it. Then we can bike back and I’ll take you to lunch at Abigail’s Café. It used to be a house of ill repute, then a saloon, then a gas station. Now it’s a café, and they serve soup and sandwiches. I know you love soup.”
“Did you not hear me, Jace?”
He leaned in close, inches from my face. I wanted to cup his head with my hands and kiss him until we both dropped into that familiar, out-of-control passion. He smelled like pine and the woods and man and musk. I liked his razor stubble and knewhow it would feel. My gaze dropped to those lips that were truly creative in terms of turning me to mush, to say nothing of what those talented hands had done to me each and every time we’d gotten naked.
“I heard every word. So, here are my words to you. I don’t want you to go to Boston. I don’t want you to go to Houston or to Seattle. I want you to stay here. I want you to reach up and kiss me.”
“I’m not going to reach up and kiss you.” Oh, but I wanted to.
He studied me, and I raised my eyebrows in challenge. He was a strong-willed man, and I was a strong-willed woman. Those characteristics sometimes clashed.
“Okay, Allie. We have no choice but to base our relationship on our mutual lust and attraction and go from there.”
“You don’t get it. There’s no goingfrom there.” But that sounded delicious.
He grinned. “Then I’ll take the mutual lust and attraction part.”
He leaned in, looped an arm around my waist, tilted his head so our bike helmets didn’t smack together, and kissed me. I automatically closed my eyes and savored that kiss. He pulled away after long, yummy seconds, but only by an inch. “Kiss me, Allie,” he murmured. “One kiss.”
I tingled up one side and down the other. My body heat notched up a hundred degrees. I could not resist. I put my hand on his shoulder, drawing him closer, and he kissed me again, and again, and again, both arms around me, holding me as close as he could with our bikes between us.
When I was good and steamed up, almost panting, totally not thinking anymore, and sunk way down deep in that erotic passion he engendered in me, he pulled away, smiled at me in a friendly and sexy way, and climbed on his bike.
He put out his hand to pull me along.
I swore again that he was trouble in the first degree and that this would lead to nothing but searing heartache for me, and him, but I put out my hand, he grabbed it, I climbed on my bike, and we pedaled up the hill to see a stunning view of Mt. Hood. We held hands halfway up.
