Page 107 of Burn Bag

He shrugged, thinking it over. “I don’t know. What if you find out that she farts in her sleep. You know, but way worse than any man. And it doesn’t happen every once in a while, but all the time.”

I rolled my eyes. “Farting is a natural bodily function. I’m not sure divorcing her over that is a legitimate reason.”

“But that’s my point. It would drive you fucking insane and there’s not a single thing you can do about it. Your friends would look at you like you were insane and a judge would throw it out of court in an instant. Either way, you look like an ass.”

“Yeah, and I would be if I divorced my wife because she farted a lot.”

He rolled his eyes heavily. “Alright, let’s say it’s something worse than that. Maybe she’s a compulsive liar.”

“You’re just making shit up.”

“She’s such a horrible liar that when you ask her if she took out the trash, she lies to your face when you’re standing right next to the garbage can.”

“That sounds like something I would do.”

“Yet, she’s the one doing it.”

“Well, how the fuck can I be mad at her for doing something I would do?” I snapped. “That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Fine, then she lies about paying bills on time. She’s notorious late, and you have fees racking up every month because she can’t just tell you she forgot to pay the bill.”

I scratched the back of my head. “Again, that sounds like something I would do. Not that I would lie about it, but I definitely might forget to pay the bill on time.”

“Alright, but what about the cats? She brought all those cats home and didn’t tell you about them.”

“Are you trying to find reasons for me to divorce my wife?”

“No, I’m just wondering when you’re going to look at this logically. You married a stranger. Anything could happen.”

“Yeah, she could be a serial killer and I could end up dead one morning. I guess you’d better be prepared for my funeral,” I jested.

“You know?—”

My phone rang, interrupting the next tirade that would no doubt make this job take three times as long. “Ope! Gotta take this call,” I said, shooting him a fake apologetic look. “Go for Kavanaugh.”

“Hey, it’s Slider.”

“Yeah, what’s up? I’m on a job.”

“I know, man. Uh…we’re at the hospital.”

Something about the way he said that sent a static buzz through my body and I stiffened, reaching out to anything that could steady me. “For what?”

“Daphne. She was in an accident.”

I swallowed hard, barely breathing as his words echoed through my head. “Is…is she okay?”

“I think so. She’s got a nasty gash on her head. She’s with the doctor right now. Harper was with her. I think Harper’s okay.”

I was having trouble processing what he was saying. I knew Daphne was in the hospital, but the way he was talking… “Is she gonna live?” I croaked out. My knees felt shaky and dizziness washed over me, threatening to take me down.

“Yeah. Just get to the hospital now.”

I hung up, staring at my phone for a second as my short marriageto Daphne flashed through my mind. It had barely been a week. How could…

“Hey, what’s going on?” Red asked.

I looked up to find both Red and Eli staring at me intently. “Daphne was in an accident. She’s in the hospital.”

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