Page 12 of Burn Bag

I couldn’t even be mad at the dressy fucker. He was right. My failed relationship with Isla was all on me, and he actually was the better man for her. I just hated that he knew it, too.

“I think I need to stop looking.”

“Dude, don’t give up,” Dash snorted. “It didn’t work out, so you’re just never going to look for another woman again? That’s fucking stupid.”

“No, I didn’t say that,” I said, sitting up as a thought formed in my head. “I’m not giving up, but here’s the thing. Every one of you met the woman you wanted to marry by accident. Well, instead of waiting for that accident, I’m going to do it on purpose.”

Red sighed, tossing a stick into the fire. “Stalking women is not the way to go. I think we all saw that when Fox brought home Anna.”

“I’m not talking about stalking. I’m going to meet a woman and make a plan.”

“Just like that,” Eli laughed. “I like it.”

“It’s fucking stupid,” IKE muttered.

“Well, no shit,” Eli snapped, “but don’t kick a man while he’s down.”

They didn’t get what I was saying. “I’m going to create a profile of the type of woman I’m looking for, and then I’m going to conduct interviews.”

They all sat there staring at me like I was an idiot, but this was foolproof. In fact, more people should be doing it.

“Sorry, you want to do what?” Dash asked.

“I’m going to make sure I get a woman I want. See, I thought Isla was perfect for me, but in reality, we never would have worked out. So, I need a certain set of guidelines—rules even—that will help me find the woman who’s perfect for me. Then, I’ll meet with her, discussour options, and we’ll get married. Of course, she’ll have to want the same things as me, but I don’t see how it can fail.”

“Yeah,” Red nodded. “I know many women who want to fill out a survey to find the man who will propose a relationship arrangement with them. Fucking romantic as hell.”

I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm. “She’ll want the same thing. See, I bet there’s a woman out there just like me who is dying to find a man who will just skip the bullshit and get on with life.”

“Yeah, they’re called desperate and alone,” IKE muttered.

“And ugly,” Eli added. I glared at him, but he just shrugged. “Hey, we were all thinking it.”

“This is gonna work. I can feel it in my bones.”

“Kavanaugh, I hate to point this out to you, but you’re reaching,” Red said carefully. “I get it. It’s been a shit year, but you do not want to hitch yourself to a woman based on a profile. You’re gonna end up miserable.”

“More miserable than I am now?” I asked. “Guys, come on. My old man was shot right in front of me. I saw his brains scattered on the ground. And then I was shot and literally fell into the ground with him. I mean, how much more fucked up can you get?”

They were all quiet because they didn’t have an answer. They knew as much as I did that it could be years before I was in any state of mind to truly want another woman in my bed permanently, but this was a good solution. I could chase happiness or I could harness it and make it happen. I chose the latter.

“So, how exactly are you gonna build this profile?” Red asked.

I glanced at Dash and grinned.

He shook his head, getting to his feet. “No, I’m not getting involved in this shit plan. I will not be responsible for setting you up with some nut job.”

“You’re not going to be responsible. The whole idea is to build the perfect woman. You can help me with that.”

“And risk my own balls? Do you have any fucking idea what Laura would do if she found out I was creating something like this?”

“She wouldn’t think anything because you would tell her this was all my idea and you were just doing it to keep me from falling off the ledge.”

“Ain’t that the fucking truth,” Red muttered.

“Hey, I don’t want to hear any crap from any of you. All of you found your woman. It’s about fucking time I found mine.”

“Kavanaugh—” Eli started, but I wasn’t listening to it. I had a plan and I was sticking with it. I just wanted some fucking happiness in my life. Was that really so much to ask?

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