Page 120 of Burn Bag

“Yeah,” Eli answered gruffly.

“Well, I have to go. Harper’s picking me up to go to the store sincesomebodywon’t let me order a truckload of cat supplies.”

“You don’t need a truckload of cat supplies when we’re going to have only one cat left!” I called out as she bounded down the steps.

Spinning, her dress twirled around her and her eyes sparkled in the sunlight. Fuck, she was gorgeous. Cocking her head at me, I knew whatever she was about to say, I’d reply withYes, Dear.

“Well, you have Tigger. What about me? Do you know how hard it is to choose between your three favorite cats?” She sighed heavily. “Fluffer Nutter snuggles up against me at night, and his soft fur lulls me to sleep. And then Tum Tum has that adorable belly and is just so feisty. How could I possibly get rid of him? And then there’s Tiny Tum. Are you really telling me I have to rehome a kitten who is that stinkin’ adorable and loves us so much?”

“He steps in his own shit!” I reminded her. “He has absolutely no sense of where to step in a litter box. How many times have you given him a bath already?”

I could have sworn I saw her chin wobble, and that was it for me. Even Eli knew it. I heard his mocking laughter from behind me as I slid my hand over Tigger’s soft fur. Fuck, I was so screwed.

“So, I should get rid of Tiny Tum because he hasn’t quite figured out the litter box?”

I sighed heavily. There was no winning this conversation. Daphne knew it. Eli knew it. Hell, even Tigger was laughing at me. I could see it in his eyes.

“No, sweetie. You shouldn’t.”

Her face brightened immediately. “That’s all I’m saying. I’ll see you soon!”

She spun away and reached the end of the driveway just as Harper pulled up, giving us a jaunty wave.

“You know, I take back everything I said about my demon cat. I only have one, but you have a whole house of them and a wife who will no doubt make your life a living hell by bringing home more cats for the rest of your life.

My eyes slanted in his direction in the most lethal glare I could muster. “That’s never going to happen. I’ve made it perfectly clear that there will be no more cats.”

“Uh-huh,” he grinned. “Keep telling yourself that.”

“Yes!”I shouted, cheering on the game as Harper pulled up outside. Fuck, this was bad. Only one inning left, and the girls chose now to come home. There would be all kinds of raucous laughter, talking about every single detail of the trip as if they both weren’t there, and then they would have to tell me every detail.

No man needed to know every detail of a shopping trip, especially one to a pet store. I could handle this one of two ways. I could pretend to be asleep and hope they took that as a hint to stay quiet as they entered, which would most likely not happen. Or, I could ignore everything they said while pretending I was listening the whole time. A few well-placed grunts of approval, a nod here and there, and of course, the occasionalWowwhen they saved so much money by switching to Brand X.

It was a tough choice, but I decided on the second route, consideringthat if they “woke me up” I’d still have to listen to everything they said. Tigger jumped into my lap, purring as he stood right the fuck in front of me, blocking my view.

“Down, kitty.”

I pressed on his hind, but he just took that as a sign I was going to rub him. Not that I wouldn’t. The fucker was so cute. I couldn’t help myself. I’d even started leaving the bedroom door open at night so he could jump into bed and snuggle me.

I was such a sucker.

I heard them walking up the steps and knew if I didn’t get up and help, I would get a death glare that would end in a fight and no makeup sex. “Alright, Tigger. Let’s go help them before we both lose our balls.”

As I stood, he jumped to the ground and followed me to the door. I swung it open and grinned at my wife, earning me an approving smile. Since when did I become the husband who begged for approval? I shook my head at the thought as they surged inside, arms loaded with bag after bag of things I didn’t want to know about. I could feel my wallet getting lighter by the second.

But then I frowned, thinking back to when she left for the store. She never asked me for money. In fact, every time she went to the store, she just walked out the door. I didn’t even have a bank card in her name yet, so where was she getting the money to pay for this stuff?

I was about to ask her when she spun toward me, her mouth open and poised to spew useless crap in my direction. I glanced at the stairs, thinking now was my chance to escape, but I wasn’t fast enough.

“You would not believe the deals we found!” she beamed. “I was going to get the regular cat food, but then I found this other one that would save me about four dollars, and that was for a bigger bag, AND it’s healthier. Can you believe that?”

I hummed and nodded, looking back at my escape route.

“And then there was this woman who tried to get the last bag oflitter, but I fought her for it. I thought for sure it was gonna get bloody, but all it took was some fancy footwork.”

Harper laughed with her, and I suddenly realized I was supposed to be doing the same, so I let out a bark of laughter and nodded along as they continued to discuss the battle for the bag of litter like it was the Battle of Gettysburg. They actually started doing a mock fight of the battle, even laughing when one of them slipped and nearly went down.

My gaze flicked to the stairs again, and I knew this was my moment. I just had to move my feet. Just start fucking walking and I would escape what was sure to be another ten minute discussion about how she defeated who I now realized was an elderly lady.

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