Page 126 of Burn Bag

“I’m still talking!” I snapped. “Now, as for your very colorful description of sitting around and watching your game that I interrupted with my rambling, yes, it was designed that way so I could get the snake in the house. But now that I know just how desperate you were to get away from me and my terrible interruptions, I feel it only right to relieve you of any efforts to have to do that in the future.”

“Daphne—” he tried to interrupt, but I cut him off again.

“I’m still talking!” I took a deep breath and continued. “As for sitting around and doing nothing, I have been taking cooking lessons. Not that you would know. You haven’t bothered to ask once what I’vebeen up to. I don’t like Whoppers, which may seem odd, but I’ve never liked them. And while I do spend money, it’s been my own. I haven’t touched a dime of yours. I have enough money of my own to never need to work again. Which you would also know if you had ever bothered to ask a simple fucking question.

“Since I’m now well aware of how little you actually want me around, seeing as how you would rather sit in peace and quiet instead of having me around, you can have just that. You can have all the quiet you want because there is no way in hell I want to stick around a house where I’m constantly reminded it’s not mine.”

I stormed past him, but then remembered something very important. “And I’m taking the cats with me!”

I marched upstairs and put a bag together quickly, then went straight for the door, calling out, “Harper!” on the way.

“Oh, right!” she said, hurrying after me. “Aren’t we taking the cats?”

“I’ll need you to come back for them. It would totally ruin my exit.”

“Got it,” she nodded, hopping into the front seat of the car.

I slammed the door behind me, then raised my middle finger out the window as we drove off. I had never felt better or shittier in my life. But at least I got the last word in.

30

KAVANAUGH

As soon asthey drove away, Edu smacked me upside the head. Hard.

“You fucking dumbass! My wife went with her!”

“What the fuck was I supposed to do? Did you see that thing? It was wrapped around my fucking leg while I was on the toilet! It literally scared the shit out of me. And then when I tried hobbling away, the fucking thing continued to wrap itself around me. A fucking snake, Edu!”

“Yeah, I get it. It was fucking terrifying, but dude, your wife just left you. Did you not hear that part?”

“She didn’t leave me,” I scoffed. “She’s leaving for a while to cool off, but she’ll be back.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Of course I am.”

“Kavanaugh,” Edu snapped. “She walked out. She basically said if you wanted space, she’d give you all the space you wanted. She said she was taking the fucking cats!”

“Yes!” I jabbed a finger at him. “Yet, the cats are still here!”

“Because you can’t make a dramatic exit while carrying cats and coming back for litter boxes and food!” he shouted.

Alright, he might have a point there, but I was choosing to believethat he was wrong on this one. I was just mad and blowing off steam. I had a fucking snake wrapped around me, for Christ’s sake!

“Look, it doesn’t matter. She’ll cool off and then she’ll come back. It’s not like she has anywhere else to go.”

“Right, because you’re providing for her. Oh, wait. That’s right. She said she’s wealthy all on her own.”

I frowned. “Yeah, she did say that, didn’t she?”

“She did.”

“I wonder where she got all that money?”

“You might know if you ever bothered to talk to her.”

“I do,” I snapped. “We talk and…discuss things.”

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