Page 144 of Burn Bag

“And then they unwrap him and act shocked when they find a fucking dead guy!”

“Exactly! What were they expecting to find?”

“Beats me. He’s dead!”

“A fucking mummy!”

“And they make movies about this shit. Can you believe it?” he snapped. “A volcano that’s going to suddenly explode and kill everyone. They were watching it for years, and—oh! Look at that! It’s about to blow!”

“At least the volcanoes in your movies don’t come to life and run around killing people. I mean, it’s more of a horror movie than anything.”

“That you’re very much afraid of,” he pointed out.

“Well, wouldn’t you be terrified if you were stuck next to a mummy?”

“It’s dead,” he said bluntly.

“Yeah, and what’s your point?”

“My point is that you’re afraid of something that’s dead. Daphne literally examines dead people. She’s more of a mortician than anything. At least Quinn is a scientist.”

“Yeah, but not a real scientist.”

He was about to take a drink, but paused with the bottle at his lips and turned to me. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Well, it’s not like she’s inventing the wheel or something. What does she actually do? Take readings and say,Oh, that sulfur is too high.”

“Yes, because she knows that the sulfur is too fucking high and that means a volcano is about to explode!” he snapped.

I wiggled my fingers at him. “Ooh, she read a chart. Really fucking scientific.”

“Yeah? And what does Daphne do? She plays in the dirt. I could do that. Give me a backhoe and I could excavate the whole fucking field. Any dumbass with the ability to move a few gears could do that.”

“Are you calling my wife an idiot?”

“No,” he scoffed. “Not at all. I’m saying any idiot could do her job.”

“That’s the same fucking thing!”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“Whoa, whoa, fellas!” An arm came around my shoulder, tuggingme closer to the man I definitely had no interest in conversing with. FNG grinned at both of us, tugging on us both. “What seems to be the problem?”

I glared at Scottie, refusing to say a thing.

However, Scottie didn’t have the same compulsion. “He thinks his wife is some brilliant person because she digs around in the ground.”

“Uh-huh. Uh-huh.” FNG nodded, signaling for a beer. “And?”

“Like Quinn is so fucking amazing? She studies rocks. Fucking rocks!”

“Yeah, I totally get it,” FNG said, pulling up a stool between us. “Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I was at the pyramids?”

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