Page 145 of Burn Bag
“No,” I grumbled. “Were there mummies?”
He barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “Man, you crack me up with this mummy shit. I’m telling you, this story will blow your socks off. So, this was at some point over the year I was gone.”
“Was this before or after the last story you didn’t finish?”
He frowned, thinking seriously about the question. “Before. So, anyway, I was in Egypt, wandering around the pyramids after my plane crashed.”
“What plane?” Scottie asked curiously. “Was there tactical vomit involved?”
“Nope,” FNG shook his head. “Just good old plain vomit. So, there I was, wandering the desert for forty days without an ounce of water?—”
“You can’t live for forty days without water,” I snapped.
“Call it a miracle,” he said, raising his eyebrows as he pointed to the ceiling. When neither of us believed him, he rolled his eyes. “Okay, yes, there was water, but not a lot, and it makes my story a lot less cool when you ruin it with facts.”
“Yeah, those pesky facts get in the way.”
“So, I was wandering around when I came across this camel. Of course, he was also with a man. It’s not like this random camel was in the desert.”
“You know camels live in the desert, right?” Scottie asked.
“Well, yeah, but the point is, he was all alone.”
“Did he have water?” I asked.
FNG sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yes, he fucking had water. Can I finish my story now?”
I grinned at him. “I don’t know. Can you? Have you ever finished a single fucking story you’ve told?”
“Fine,” he said, shoving back his stool, but I grabbed his sleeve, yanking him back down.
“Come on. Finish the story for us.”
He glared at me, but grudgingly continued. “So, anyway, I found this camel. I was exhausted and running really low on food. I was sure I was going to die. And then this camel appeared like a sign from Moses?—”
“Why Moses?” I asked.
“Well, because Moses led the people to the promised land.”
“Why wouldn’t you just say God?”
“Because God didn’t lead them!” FNG snapped. “Haven’t you been listening all those times Max has dragged us to church?”
“No, I pretty much use that as an opportunity to take a nap,” I grinned.
“Well, if you were listening, you would know that Moses led them across the desert.”
“Yeah, but he’s right,” Scottie said, scratching his beard. “It doesn’t sound right. You should have just said God.”
I agreed just to piss off FNG. “It sounds so much better.”
“Besides, I don’t think Moses gave signs.”
“Would you two fucking stop it!” FNG shouted, getting irritated with us.
“Sorry, are we making it difficult to tell your story?” I asked, biting back a laugh.
“You know, if you don’t want to hear it, you could just say so.”
