Page 151 of Burn Bag
“And Marcel is…”
“A capuchin monkey,” I muttered.
Slowly, he closed the door and crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at me. “Kavanaugh, I know this is probably the stupidest fucking question in the world to ask, but why the fuck is there a capuchin monkey in your house?”
I slid my hand across the back of my neck, rubbing hard as I cleared my throat uncomfortably. “Well, see, it all started when I was drinking one night…”
“Uh-huh. It usually starts like that.”
“And I was watchingFriends.”
His eyes slid closed briefly.
“And I remembered this conversation with Fox and…well, it just sort of happened.”
“How the fuck does a monkey just sort of happen?” he snapped.
“Hey, they were using him for research!”
Shaking his head, he cursed under his breath. “Is this where you went last week when you disappeared for two days?”
I kicked at the ground, avoiding answering the question. “Look, he was in that lab and?—”
“Jesus Christ, you’re turning into her! Are you seriously going to steal every animal that ends up in a research lab?”
“Why is that a bad thing?” I snapped. “Those animals don’t deserve that!”
“Yeah? And what’s this guy?” he asked, storming forward and tearing the cloth off to reveal a red and green Macaw. “Fucking hell, Kavanaugh. It’s a bird!”
“Well, yeah. What did you think you were going to find?”
He shook his head as he stared at the bird. “I knew it, but…you seriously got a bird.”
It wasn’t the only one. “Look, just leave me alone. I’m perfectly fine.”
Tossing his head back, he barked out a laugh. “Perfectly fine? You have a monkey and a bird!”
“And I’m fine,” I argued, shoving past him to get inside. I tried to slam the door in his face, but he followed me inside. As soon as the door was shut, a Hyacinth Macaw came swooping into the foyer from the other room, landing on my shoulder. My face heated as Red stared at me in shock.
“Holy shit. You’re a bird man,” he whispered. Slowly, he shoved past me and took in the various animals running around my house. Yes, it was bad. Yes, I looked crazy, but they were all here for a reason.
His eyes scanned the three other birds, the two Capuchin monkeys, the two turtles in the tank, multiple cats, my new puppy, and…
“Is that a fucking raccoon?” he snapped.
“He was outside and hungry!” I argued. “I couldn’t let him starve.”
“He wouldn’t have. They call them trash pandas for a reason, Kavanaugh!”
“Look, I didn’t ask for your input!”
“No, you just went crazy and decided to put a fucking zoo in your house!”
“It’s not that bad,” I argued.
He jabbed a finger in my direction, anger leaching from every pore of his body. “Not that bad? I’m afraid to look at the rest of the house. What’s upstairs?”
When I didn’t answer, he took the stairs two at a time. I chased after him, hoping to stop him, but I was too late as he flung open the second bedroom door, slamming it immediately as he turned back to me with wide eyes. “I think I’m about to have a heart attack.”
