Page 40 of Burn Bag

I stomped around to the other side, thinking seriously about my choice in husband, when another truck slowed as it passed.

“Hey, lovebirds! Ready for the honeymoon?” He laughed hilariously as he hit the gas and took off. I had no idea who that was, but Bradford did, based on the look on his face.

“Lovebirds,” he muttered as he shoved the key in the ignition.

“Nice to see someone wishes us well,” I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Don’t read too much into this, sweetheart. They all know this is a sham of a wedding.”

“It wasn’t when you chose Emily,” I retorted.

“Because I chose her based on specific things and—you know what? It doesn’t matter.”

“Why did you marry me?” I snapped, turning to face him. “You had the option to walk away, but you didn’t take it. Why?”

He stared straight ahead, his jaw clenching hard with every second that passed. “I?—”

“Not good enough. If you didn’t want to marry me, you could have just said so! Tell me why!”

“I don’t know!” he shouted, finally looking at me. “I have no fucking clue why I didn’t leave. I should have. This is a fucking disaster! I don’t even know you!”

“You didn’t know her either, genius.”

“I knew her a hell of a lot better than I know you,” he seethed.

“Fine, ask me anything you want.”

If this asshole wanted to play this whole thing off like I tricked him, then I’d throw it all back in his face. Even though I technically did deceive him, and yes, he did deserve to be pissed that Emily backed out of the wedding.

“Who are you?” he snapped, his anger growing by the second. “I mean, what kind of woman picks up her life to marry a man she’s never met and brings her cats with her?”

I was about to answer when he continued rambling.

“And who the fuck borrows someone else’s wedding dress? Isn’t that bad luck or something?”

Again, I tried to answer, but didn’t get the chance.

“What the fuck is wrong with you that you would throw away your current life to marry someone in Kansas? I mean, seriously, that might be the biggest fucked up part of this whole thing,” he ranted as he blew through a light, nearly causing an accident. “Who moves to Kansas for a man? Have you seen it here?”

I looked outside and was about to tell him it wasn’t that different from Missouri, but he didn’t give me the chance.

“Is there something wrong with you? I mean, other than the fact that you pass out whenever the wind blows the wrong direction. There has to be something wrong with you. No sane woman would marry some random man!”

Oh, this guy was really pushing it.

“It’s Kansas!” he shouted. Turning to me with wide eyes, he shook his head again. “Fucking Kansas! What were you thinking?”

When I didn’t say anything, he swerved into a parking spot and killed the engine.

“Are you going to say anything?”

“I’m sorry, are you ready for me to talk or did you just want to keep ranting the rest of the day?”

His lips snapped shut and he turned to face the windshield, refusing to look at me.

“First of all, I didn’t throw away anything. I saw an opportunity and I took it. And as for the fact that we’re in Kansas, does that really matter? It’s no different than Missouri. It’s not like I’ve given up some prestigious life to be with you, so I don’t see it as a huge change, other than the fact that I now have to live with a boy. So far, it’s going swimmingly,” I said sarcastically.

“As for your question, if there’s something wrong with me, I could ask you the same thing. What kind of man picks women based on certain qualities he’s narrowed down to his seemingly perfect woman that a machine spit out? Do you really think that program you used can account for every personality flaw or hidden qualities that would drive you insane? The fact is, Mr. Kavanaugh, that we’re both insane.Me for agreeing to step in for my friend, and you for thinking you could find happiness based on an algorithm.”

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