Page 85 of Burn Bag

He grinned, little kernels shining where they caught in his gums. “They’re Funyun flavored. I made them myself by shaking off the dust of every Funyun in over thirty bags. It took a while, but I was finally able to get the right flavor combo I was hoping for.”

I gaped at him, unsure where to go with that. Who had the time to shake dust off thirty bags of Funyuns? Who would want to do that?

Fox.

“Right, well, this has been entertaining, but I have things to do.”

“Like what?” he asked, following me down the hall to the gym.

“Like work out.”

“Cool. I’ll do it with you. Gotta keep up these muscles. Anna likes it when I hold her up against the wall.”

“Fox, I really don’t care what you and Anna do sexually.”

He gripped my shoulder, stopping me as I tried to enter the gym. “Hey, everything okay at home? You seem a little tense.”

“Everything’s fine,” I snapped.

“Yeah?” he grinned at me, waggling his eyebrows. “I remember the honeymoon phase. Man, I couldn’t get enough of Anna.”

Gritting my teeth, I stormed away from him. The last thing I wanted to think about was another man and his wife, and all the sex they were having. Meanwhile, I was a newlywed and still hadn’t even attempted to do more than kiss my wife.

“Not going so good, then?” he said, catching up to me. “I can sense these things.”

“Can you?” I bit out.

“Well, not hard to see. After your trip to the hospital and the angry look on your face, I’m guessing things are not as wunderbar as you would hope for. That means wonderful, by the way.”

“Fox, can you just let it go?”

He slung his arm around my shoulder and laughed. “Man, I can’t leave you alone in this depressing time. We men have to stick together. We’re teammates.” He turned to face me. “Hey, when you suffer, I suffer.”

“I never fucking said I was suffering.”

I tried to shake him off, but he grabbed my shoulders and started massaging them. “Hey, it’s okay, man. Let it out. I understand. Things can be tough and sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on.”

“I don’t need a fucking shoulder. What I need is for you to leave me the fuck alone!”

He snorted. “Like your wife is? How’s that helping?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, taking a deep breath. Fuck, I was going to kill him. “Fox, there are some things that are personal between a husband and wife.”

“Right, like what kind of flavor you like on your shawarma. That’s very personal stuff.”

“Sure,” I bit out, hoping that would end the conversation.

“Now, about the whole sex thing, is it because of the cats? Because I gotta be honest, there’s no fucking way in hell I’d let a little thing like a cat scratch stop me from fucking my wife.”

“A little thing?” I snapped. “My cock hides inside my body anytime anything comes near it. And if that weren’t bad enough, there are fucking cats all over my house. Everywhere, Fox! I can’t walk into afucking room without a cat jumping on me. Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

“Nope,” he grinned. “I don’t have a horde of cats. Though, if I was going to collect animals, I think I would go for a Capuchin monkey.”

Dear God, I really didn’t want to ask, but I did anyway. “Why?”

“Well, one, they’re easy to train. Imagine how I could have him help me in the kitchen. All that shawarma takes a long time to cook. It would be nice to have some help.”

“From a monkey.”

---