Page 77 of The Pieces We've Lost

“Is that enough, though? What if I can’t be what he needs? What if I’m not worthy ofhislove?” I was fighting an emotional war within myself.

I knew I was broken. I’d spent so much time over the past fifteen years trying to piece myself back together on my own—fighting my demons outnumbered—and I was tired. Tired of asking myself if what I was doing was enough for everyone around me.

But what if the question wasn’t whether I was enough for Colter or whether he needed me? What if the question was whether Colter was whatIneeded?

I already knew the answer. Over the past couple months, I had fallen back in love with rodeo, with the lifestyle I never thought I’d return to.

Deep in my heart, I recognized that I didn’t need to carry all of this weight on my own, but for me, it was a matter of letting go and allowing someone to shoulder the burden with me. But letting go and asking for help didn’tmean I was weak or had lost control of the situation. Showing someone my vulnerabilities didn’t make me someone who needed saving, so why was I still running?

I wholeheartedly believed Colter wasn’t going to try to save me. He didn’t expect me to be a certain way or try to change me. Time and time again he showed me that he accepted me as I was. That was all anyone could ever ask for, and yet I was still terrified.

“I can’t tell you that, but what I can tell you is that the man in that room would walk through fire for the people he loves. He won’t force anyone to stay if they don’t want to, but he’s not just going to give up either.”

Love.There was that word—the one that threatened to break everything apart. The one that desired to creep up my stone walls like ivy and cause them to come crashing down to no more than rubble.

“I’m scared,” I admitted. I’d never had the type of connection I had with Colter with anyone else. Every relationship I had before now was surface level. I had never let them get so deep.

My first heartbreak came in childhood. I wasn’t ready to have it broken a second time.

“I know. But Colter? He’s not going to let you go. You can trust him, Ellie.” He pulled me into his arms, reassuring me.

This time, I didn’t pull away, understanding that Reid was someone I could trust and that his words about Colter were genuine.

I remembered Colter’s words from a few days prior. “I’ve already been yours for a long time.” That had to have meant something; he wouldn’t have just said that. The realization alone gave me the courage to go back.

“Okay.”

You can do this. Just hear him out. You at least owe him that.

I was about to walk into the room when I heard Colter.

“Why are you here, Sophie? What makes you think you can just come back?”

“I’m still your emergency contact, Colter…” I couldn’t hear her full response, but Colter was naturally loud.

“You left me once already and I dealt with the consequences, believe me. You could have chosen to come back when I needed you, but you didn’t. You abandoned me during the worst year of my life and you have no right to come back now!” He was angry, hurt.

I chose that moment to step around the corner and enter the room just as his ex lowered her voice.

“Yeah, well, I came here to make sure you’re okay. It’s not like I wanted to, but I was doing the right thing.” She noticed me entering the room and began speaking in a normal tone again as she looked me up and down and scoffed. “But obviously you already have someone doing that for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to come here and you shouldn’t have! When you broke up with me, you lost any entitlement to me and any right to care. You need to leave now.”

I could tell that it pained Colter to see her here. That it really was unexpected and caught him off guard.

She gave me an icy glare, a look of disgust, as we passed by each other, and then she was gone.

He was sitting up in the hospital bed, his head facing the ground, holding his forehead like the entire interaction with Sophie gave him a worse headache than getting thrown from the horse did. The moment he looked up, guilt flashed in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Ellison. I had no idea she was going to showup. And I should have told you about her.” Colter immediately apologized when he saw me.

I gave him a sheepish smile. It was my turn to apologize. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”

In all honesty, I knew Colter hadn’t done anything wrong. Yes, maybe he should have told me about her, but the fact was, all he’d ever done was place his trust in me. He had told me once that he had failed someone, that he blamed himself for what happened. I never thought to ask more about it, when I could have. And he had no way of knowing she was going to show up here. I didn’t care anymore that he had never told me anything about her because it was clear from their conversation that she wasn’t a part of his life.

“After the breakup, I guess I was so caught up in everything that I forgot to change my emergency contact to Reid. I’m not sure why she felt the need to come here, because she’s no longer in my life. I can promise you that. She made sure of it. It’s not her decision anymore whether or not she gets to come back.”

I looked down at my feet, heat rising to my cheeks as I continued my string of apologies. “I’m sorry I ran. I panicked. I assumed the worst, and you didn’t deserve that.”

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