Page 79 of The Pieces We've Lost

“Oh, trust me, I know. I can rope circles around them back at home. My horse, Lucille, is amazing. She always knows exactly what to do beforeyoueven know what to do. But she’s a lot of horse, that one. Checks out, though, with me as her rider.”

This was how the first few days had gone, both of us whispering in the dark about everything under the sun. I wasn’t able to do anything around the house, so we’d just been holed up in my room. Ellison didn’t have to stay by my side but she insisted.

“So, when you’re not being a badass cowgirl, what do you do back at home besides drive cowboys like me crazy?” I joked.

“Normally, I’d be hanging out with Isa. It gets a lot easier for me to go out and do things when I’m not thinking about the rodeo and my dad being gone. March is just a hard time. I definitely miss Isa, but I wouldn’t trade coming up to Montana for anything.”

I hated that I was doing this to her, keeping her here when she could be back home in Texas, not wasting her time on me. But another part of me was selfishly happy she was here.

It wasn’t until the next week that everything seemed to unravel.

“No, Colter! It’s not fine!” Sophie screamed at me, and all I could do was stand there.

I had just been on the road for two weeks and I came home to surprise her before going back down to Wyoming.

“Sophie, please,” I pleaded with her. “Let’s talk about this.”

This was how it had been constantly the last month. These little arguments that resulted in a screaming match between us. They always resolved themselves within a day or two, though. I wanted to believe it was just stress causing these fights.

“What is there to talk about, Colter? You’re never fucking here!” She grabbed her roots and tugged on them, her hands on top of her head. I was worried if she pulled any harder she’d rip strands out of her scalp.

“You know why I’m doing this, Soph. Please, baby. I’m doing this for our future, so we can have the house you dream of, so we can have the kids and the dogs.”

She was crying now, and I didn’t understand.

“I-I just.” She sobbed, and I pulled her close to me, her tears staining my shirt.

But then the mood shifted. She pushed me away from her and then suddenly my head smacked against the metal railing of the arena fence.

“Fuck you, Colter.” Her voice from one of our fights rang through my mind, and my head pounded, my vision getting blurry.

Black spots dotted my vision and my stomach dropped as though I was falling.

I didn’t realize I was screaming, tears rolling down my face, my body slick with sweat, until I felt her holding me in her arms.

W-where am I? What’s going on?

“Shh, I’ve got you. It’s just a nightmare. You’re okay.”Ellison’s voice soothed me, bringing me back to the present as she ran her fingers through my hair. “You’re safe. I’m here.”

Fuck.I tried to breathe in and out, but the air was getting caught in my throat, causing me to wheeze.

“I-I’m so sorry. You d-don’t deserve to see me like this.” Self-hatred sank deeper into my bones as I choked out each word.

She didn’t deserve this. I didn’twantto put her through this. This was exactly what I had been so afraid of. My struggles were just that—mine. I shouldn’t have had to burden her with them, even if she was the whole reason why I hadn’t had the nightmares in the first place.

“How long has this been going on?” she asked.

“Since the breakup. Ellison,please. You don’t want me to drag you into this, trust me.” I tried to push her away, keep her at an arm’s length so this struggle stayed my own.

“No, that’s not how this is going to work. I’m not going anywhere. Please, just tell me.” Her expression was filled with worry, the glow of the night sky illuminating her face and the tears that dotted her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you. After the breakup, I started getting these nightmares. These flashbacks. The only way I could numb them back then was by drinking.” I didn’t want to be telling her these things.

“I probably went through two bottles a day trying to keep my mind numb. I couldn’t sleep unless I drank because at least at that point I wouldn’t even remember falling asleep.” My voice shook with the recollection, but she deserved to know. “But they stopped when I met you. B-but the injury and then seeing her again. I-I don’t want to b-burden you with my issues, Ellison. I’m s-so sorry.”

“You’re not a burden.” Her voice broke as a tear rolleddown her cheek. “You’re so far from a burden, Colter. I’m here. I’m not leaving you.”

She just held me in her arms that night. We were two people, broken in our own ways, helping each other piece back together the parts we’d been missing.

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