Page 141 of Consummation

“Oh my God!” Kat slaps her palm on her forehead. “I can’t believe I didn’t get that. My brain’s not even functioning right now.” She holds up her hand, displaying her massive rock. “Who could blame me—holy shitballs, honey—this thing is causing me brain damage.” She giggles. “Okay, cue me again, honey. I’ll nail it this time.”

“You two are fucking crazy,” Garrett says.

“Ssh,” I say to Garrett. “Listen up, fucker.” I clear my throat, clearly cuing up the script. “Garrett, she wanted you and you rejected her,” I say. I motion to Kat, yet again.

A huge smile spreads across Kat’s face.“Big mistake,” she says enthusiastically. “Big.Huge. Now I gotta go do some shopping.”

“Are you peopleinsane?” Garrett asks. “You show up at my house in fucking formal wear, blast Whitney Houston at me, and hack into my computer—and then you fuckingbarfon me and tell me to—oh shit.” Garrett’s eyes suddenly bug out of his head. “My wife. Oh, fuck. You gotta get the fuck out of here. Oh, God, no.”

We all turn toward the end of the long driveway, just as a sleek black Mercedes pulls in.

“Oh, shit,” Garrett blurts, suddenly looking panicked. “Please. I’m begging you. Don’t you dare—”

“We won’t say a word,” I say. “Chill the fuck out, fucktard. I told you. I have no desire to hurt your wife.”

A demure brunette walks up to us, a quizzical look on her face, looking every bit the nice girl Kat described, right down to her sweater set and the large cross around her neck.

“What’s going on, sweetheart?” the woman asks. She nods at Kat and me. “Who are your friends?”

I put out my hand. “Hi, I’m Kevin. And this is my wife, Whitney. Garrett and I went to school together—we played on the golf team together. Whitney and I were visiting a friend in your neighborhood on our way to a benefit gala so we thought we’d pop by and say a quick hello.”

“Oh,” the woman says. “Hello.”

“I was excited to tell Garrett about our little bun in the oven.” I pat Kat’s stomach.

An unmistakable shadow passes across the woman’s face. “Oh, congratulations. How wonderful. When are you due?”

“Early December,” Kat says quietly, clearly picking up on the shift in the woman’s demeanor.

There’s an awkward beat.

“Oh, gosh. Where are my manners?” the woman says. She extends her hand and shoots daggers at Garrett, clearly chastising him for failing to introduce her. “I’m Maggie Bennett, Garrett’s wife. I don’t think we’ve met before?”

“We haven’t,” I say, shaking her hand. “I was a senior when Garrett was a sophomore, so our paths didn’t cross for long. Lovely to meet you, Maggie.”

“Would you like to come inside?” she asks. “I baked brownies today.”

“No, thank you. Whitney and I have that gala to attend. We just wanted to stop by and say a quick hello and, you know, reminisce about old times for a minute.” I shake Garrett’s hand. “Great to see you again, buddy. Like I was saying, man, I owe you big.Huge. I’ll never forget the favor you did for me. Thanks again.”

“Oh my goodness,” Maggie says, putting her hand on her heart. “What on earth did Garrett do for you?”

“Oh. He gave me some life-changing advice,” I say.

“Life-changing advice? Really? What was it if you don’t mind me asking?” She looks at her husband like he’s got three eyes.

“I don’t mind at all,” I say. “Garrett told me, ‘When you find The One, hold onto her and never let her go. Because all great happiness in a man’s life comes from finding his one true love. I should know.’”

“Wow,” Maggie says, obviously completely shocked. “Garretttold you that?MyGarrett?”

“He sure did.”

Kat pats Maggie’s shoulder like she’s petting a German Shepherd. “It was so nice to meet you, Maggie. Garrett was just telling us how wonderful you are—and now I see what he was talking about.”

“He was?” Maggie says, seemingly dazed.

“Bye, Garrett,” Kat says. “Thank you so much for what you did for Kevin. It sure worked out well for me.”

Garrett shifts his weight.

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