Page 155 of Consummation

Everyone in the room toasts and drinks.

“Oh!” Kat suddenly blurts, her hand on her belly. “Wowza. That was a biggie!”

I lurch toward Kat and she grabs my hand and places it on the side of her belly, and, instantly, I feel someone throwing an upper cut against my hand.

“Whoa!” I shout. This isn’t the first time I’m feeling my baby kick, of course—I finally managed to give Little G her first-ever high-five a few weeks ago—but this is by far the strongest movement I’ve felt. “So cool,” I say when Gracie punches me forcefully again. I give Gracie a high-five with my fingertip and she kicks the crap out of my finger, right on cue. I put the microphone to my mouth again. “Sorry about that, folks. Gracie wanted to join the toast to her mommy, I guess. I think she’s inside her mommy’s belly shouting, ‘Hear, hear!’”

Kat pulls the microphone in my hand to her mouth. “We’re starting her young,” she says, and everyone laughs. Kat hands the microphone back to me. “Come on, babe. These people wanna dance. Wrap it up.” She makes a swirling motion with her index finger.

“Okay, just a few more words,” I say. “The missus says I gotta wrap it up. I’d like to say a special thanks to my great friend Reed for that incredible surprise earlier. Wasn’t that amazing?”

Everyone claps and cheers wildly.

“When Reed asked me what song Kat and I wanted for our first dance, I thought he was gonna arrange for the cover band to play it for us. I truly had no idea he was gonna fly James Bay to Maui.” I laugh heartily, thinking about how shocked Kat and I were when James Bay himself waltzed into our reception hall two hours ago and started serenading us on acoustic guitar. I raise my champagne flute to Reed. “Thank you, bro. We’ll never forget that moment as long as we live.”

Reed points his glass at me and winks.

I guide Kat out of her chair, snake my arm around her ever-growing waist, and pull her to me as I address the room again. “And one last thing. With my beautiful wife by my side, I wanna say a few words of thanks to my new family, The Morgans. There’s been a lot of talk about Kat becoming a Faraday today, but, trust me, I got the better end of the bargain. You know that expression ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’? Well, that’s especially true when it comes to Kat.” I raise my glass to Kat’s immediate family at their nearby table, and they all return the gesture. “To Tom Tom Club, Momma Lou, Cheese, Captain, Peen, and Baby Brother—and all the Morgans I’ve met this past week, too—” I raise my glass to the various Morgans seated at tables in the large room. “Thank you for your part in making Kat the incredible woman she is today and for letting me be part of your hilarious and fucking awesome family. Hear, hear. ”

“Hear, hear,” everyone in the room says in unison.

Kat throws her arms around my neck and squeezes me tightly.

“You wanna say a few words?” I whisper to her.

Kat shakes her head. “Hell no. I just wannadance.”

“So, okay,” I say into the microphone as Kat squeezes the life out of me. “Mrs. Faraday says enough talking about our fucking feelings—it’s time todance.”

Forty-Four

Josh

“Fucking motherfucker!” Kat shrieks, squeezing my hand. “Jesus Christ Superstar!”

I lean into Kat’s sweaty face. “Do your breathing, babe. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

“Fuck that shit.Youbreathe in through your nose and out your mouth, motherfucker—I want a fucking epidural!”

“Babe, you heard the doctor—everything happened way too fast for an epidural. We missed the window. Justbreathe. Like this.” I lean into Kat’s face and model the breathing we learned at our getting-ready-for-childbirth class at the hospital.

Kat’s eyes turn unequivocally homicidal. “If you breathe like that again, I swear I’ll cut off your balls and make s’mores out of ’em,” she growls.

I bite my lip and cease all breathing.

The monitor attached to Kat tells me she’s in the throes of another huge contraction.

“Push now, Kat,” the doctor says. “Right now.”

“I can’t.”

“Sure you can,” I say. “You’re a beast—you can do anything.”

“Just gimme a second—fuck!” She lets out a blood-curdling scream. “Motherfucker!”

I look at the doctor, my heart racing. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” the doctor says. “Kat’s justexpressingherself. Isn’t that right, Kat?”

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