Page 37 of Consummation

“Yeah, that.”

“There’s no way to know for sure until later, but the odds are low. In the vast majority of unplanned pregnancies, the mother has consumed alcohol and there’s absolutely no ill effect. We’ll keep an eye on things, and if there’s any sign of a problem, we’ll do more testing later.”

“Okay,” I say, exhaling.

“At this point, I’d put it out of your mind and not worry at all—although, of course, I want you to abstain from alcohol for the remainder of your pregnancy.”

“And is it the same answer if I smoked pot once, too?”

Sarah looks surprised.

“Well,” the doctor says, doing a much better job of keeping a poker face than Bugs Bunny to my left. “There are no guarantees, yet again, but the chances of a problem are still low. We’ll know more at the twenty-week sonogram. Of course, you should swear off all controlled substances for the remainder of your pregnancy.”

“Yes, of course.” I clear my throat. “It was a one-time thing.”

“Any other questions?” the doctor asks.

“Yes. One more. I’ve had some pretty insane orgasms lately—like, really, really intense orgasms—some of them while sitting on an orgasm machine with the power of a jet engine, and—”

Sarah gasps. “What?”

“Long story,” I say. “But, anyway, is it possible I scrambled the baby’s brain or, you know, made it implode or something?”

The doctor lets out a surprised chuckle but then quickly pulls herself together. “Generally speaking, sex and orgasms aren’t harmful to the fetus during pregnancy—and, in fact, orgasms arguably provide a benefit because they’re stress-relieving for the mother.”

I shoot Sarah a smart-ass grin. “See? I was just being a selfless mother when I sat on that jet engine and almost passed out from sexual pleasure.”

Sarah blushes. “Just as all selfless mothers have done throughout the history of time, Kitty Kat.”

The doctor smiles. “At this stage, you need not limit your sexual activity with yourself or a monogamous partner, although I’d definitely advise staying off that jet engine for the remainder of your pregnancy, just to be on the safe side.”

“Okay,” I say, pouting. “Well, that’s a bummer—I like my jet engine.”

“Well, then here’s some good news to cheer you up,” the doctor says. “As soon as your morning sickness subsides, which I predict will happen in the next few weeks, you might very well experience a dramatic increase in your sex drive.”

“Whachoo talkin’ about, Willis?” I say. “Anincreasein my sex drive?”

“Adramaticincrease?” Sarah adds, her eyes wide. “Is there a level of sex drive in existence above ‘Katherine Morgan’?”

Sarah and I share a laugh and the doctor can’t help but giggle with us.

“And here’s something else: when you do engage in sexual activity, you might also experience heightened pleasure,” Doctor Gupta adds, raising her eyebrow.

I throw my hands up. “Thank you, Baby Jesus in a Wicker Basket,” I say. “Finally, some fantastic news in all this. Thank you so much, Doctor.”

The doctor chuckles. “So, do you have any other questions?”

“Nope. I’m good. Thank you so much.”

The doctor touches my forearm. “You’re going to be fine, Kat. You’ll see.”

Fourteen

Kat

Sarah and I settle into her car and fasten our seatbelts.

“You wanna swing by Starbucks before I take you back to your car?” Sarah asks, starting her engine.

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