“Since I’ve been back home, it’s always been about someone else. I’ve only done, like, two things that were just for me. Two things that wereminealone.”
“What were they?” I suppose I knew that this was the case, but I never really considered how rough it’s been on her. I’ve only seen the vivacious and bright and energetic woman, even if the energy was directed at fighting me, at first. I should have seen how much it was wearing on her, and I hate that I wasn’t looking for it.
“I went to dinner with Rita the day that I interviewed with you.”
“That’s only one thing,” I say.
“Yeah,” Emily says, and offers nothing further.
“What was the second thing?”
“You,” she answers softly. “I did you. And you were just for me, not for anyone else.”
My throat tightens at her words, and my heart is on the edge of bursting.
“And she even tried to ruin that,” Emily says. Her face is hidden, but the way her shoulders shake tells me the tears are no longer unshed. “She doesn’t even know about us, but she tried to ruin it.”
“How?” I ask, tilting Emily’s chin up so I can look in her eyes. What could be worse than what Margaret Wilson had already done. “What could she possibly do to come between us?”
“She- she wanted-” Her eyes are shut tight, but her cheeks glisten wetly. “She wanted me to fuck you. To control you that way. And I wouldn’t do it!”
“I think I’m beginning to see why you wanted to push her down the stairs,” I say, utterly in shock. I simply can’t comprehend what kind of a mother could ask a thing like that. Not even astepmother, not even the wickedest one from any fairy tale about baking children in an oven, could stoop to that level of vileness. “She doesn’t know me very well, though, does she?”
“What do you mean?” Emily opens her eyes again, confusion distracting her from the tears.
“That I have a bad habit of putting responsibilities first,” I say, twisting my lips into something I hope resembles a smile.
It must have worked, because she smiles brightly in return, through the sniffles and mascara that’s starting to run.
“Yeah. There’s that, I guess.” she says. “But seriously. Thank you, Gabriel. For listening. For caring. Even though I’m ugly-crying.”
I squeeze her tighter, wrapping her up with my arms, wishing that I could just hide her away from all this bullshit. But I know I can’t.
“You’re not,” I say. “You could never be ugly.”
“You’re so sweet.” She smiles fondly up at me. “But I know what I look like when I cry. I’m a natural redhead.” She rests her head against my chest again with a sigh. “But thank you.”
“It’s no problem,” I tell her. “It’s- when things are hard, y’know? When you need help carrying the weight, or you need the support? Lean on the people who…” I close my eyes and take a deep breath before finishing the sentence. “Lean on the people who love you.”
The sounds of sniffling stop short, and Emily’s body is suddenly stiff as a board. I said too much. I shouldn’t have said that. I should have saidpeople who care about you.
“Did you just say…?” Emily looks up at me again, her eyes bright and clear through the red rings and black streaks, searching intently in my own forsomething.
“Yeah,” I answer. “I think I just did.”
“Say it again.”
“When you need support, lean on the people who love you.” The word comes easier the second time.
“No, without the extra stuff,” she demands, poking me in the ribs with a sharp finger.
“Ow! Assault!”
“It’s battery,” she says, “not assault. And it’s only battery if you didn’t like it. Now say it, or I shall poke you a second time.”
“I love you,” I whisper. It’s been years since I last said those words, and a thrill rushes through me to say them again, knowing they’re true. “I love you, Emily.”
“I love you too, Gabriel,” she murmurs, relaxing once more against me.
Oh, God, I pray silently, looking up at the ceiling, holding Emily in my arms. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. That’s what it says in Your prayer. If you’re out there, if you’re listening? Please don’t tempt me. Please, Lord, don’t ever make me choose between her and what’s right.
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