Page 80 of French Escapade

Ken

Reluctantly, I watch Élodie walk away. She’s right. I need to stay with Madison.

Right now, my sister is putting on a good front. She’s even showing off a bit. But I fear that once the excitement of her newfound freedom passes, she’ll start to truly understand what she just escaped from.

I watch the way she acts with Ted when we get in the car. I simultaneously want to take her in my arms and let her know I’m happy I got her back in one piece while putting her over my knee to give her a spanking.

I don’t do either of those things. I’m not good with displays of affection or physical punishment. At her age, I’m not sure it would be a good thing. Anyway, it’s probably too late to fix anything I did wrong when I was raising her.

Madison is like an open book. One look at her, and you know what she’s thinking. I’m the opposite. A regular oyster. I need to ask Ted how he does it. He never seems to have any trouble saying what he feels.

“And the offer I presented Élodie with, it goes for Jimmy and you,” Ted says, as we climb in the car to go to the gendarmerie.

“What did you say to Élodie?” Madison asks. She was a little further away from them and obviously didn’t overhear their conversation.

Ted ignores her and continues talking to me. “My corporation is growing exponentially. What I really need are not new associates, but men and women who are solid enough to become my partners. People I can trust.”

He stops talking and presses his lips together to hold back his laughter after glancing in the rear-view mirror. I turn around to figure out what’s so funny. In the back seat, Madison is sulking, probably because we ignored her.

“You want my picture?” she asks defiantly.

I shrug, and this gets her started.

“It’s all your fault!” she yells. “If, every so often, you and your friends paid any attention to me and stopped treating me as if I was still twelve, I never would have followed Arkady.”

I open my mouth to tell her that she has some nerve, blaming me for her bad choices, and then I decide not to say anything. Maybe she needs to vent.

“I understand now the man was a bastard, but still…” Madison bursts into tears before she continues.

“No one had ever been so nice to me before. When I talked, he listened. He truly listened! He told me I was smart, and he also said I was pretty. He said all the things I always needed to hear, but no one ever told me.”

Ted produces tissues from one of his pockets and, eyes on the road, he throws them into the back seat.

“Thank you,” Madison mumbles. She tears the plastic wrap, pulls a tissue out and wipes her eyes.

“So yes, it’s your fault. Because you never listen to me. You’re never home. And even when you get back from your mission, you’re never really here. Either you sleep, or you hang out with your buddies.

“I know that what you do is important. I also get that when you get back you need to unwind, but what about me? Where do I fit in? Nowhere!

“There’s no room for me in your life.”

She blows her nose and cries hard.

I motion to Ted to park on the side of the road. A few seconds later, I’m next to her on the back seat. I unbuckle her and pull her onto my knees. But instead of the spanking I was considering earlier, I give her a hug.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper in her ear. “I’m so, so sorry.”

I feel incredibly sad now that I realize the extent of my failure. I could always make excuses for myself. I was so young when I had to become both her father and her mother. My only role model was our parents, and they were not the affectionate type. And then I had to earn a living for us.

Today, all those excuses feel very hollow. Because I was young, I should have understood she needed some loving care, more than an absentee parent providing room and board. She needed an affectionate presence that I never supplied.

“You’re right, it’s on me. I didn’t take care of you as I should have. You deserved better.”

I blink furiously to keep at bay the tears I have yet to shed since our parents passed. I fail. They roll down in Madison’s hair and it’s okay, because no one can see them.

That’s what I think, until Ted calls out. “Okay, tearful ones, could you please buckle up? We’re going to be late, and given the mess we left them with last night, I would rather not give the gendarmes an excuse to make our life even more difficult.”

“You’re crying?” Madison is surprised.

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