They’re calling him Dravin.
I’m officially the world’s biggest dumbass. There’s no way that he would give up his real name. All this time, why did that never occur to me?
“Thanks,” I whisper-mumble, trying not to feel like one more piece of the world hasn’t just fallen in on me.
What did I expect? That he’d give me—a total stranger who he had no idea if he could trust—his real identity and put himself at risk, and probably me along with it? I guess just because I don’t know what name he was born with doesn’t mean that the things I do know about him aren’t true. Then again, what proof do I have that it isn’t all fabricated?
Why any of that matters to me at all, I’m not even sure. Maybe because I so badly want just one stable thing to cling to, even if it’s just a fact or a name.
“Anyway, that’s enough about the club,” Lark announces dismissively, waving her hand in the air. Her long black hair sways with the movement. “Is it okay if we tell you about ourselves?”
I nearly melt into a blob of liquid gratitude at the attention again being shifted away from me. “Yes. Please.”
“Gray and I have a daughter. Penelope. She’s the sweetest girl ever.” Lark’s whole being suffuses with light as she tells me about Penny—her school, how she’s funny and quirky,brave and so loving and kind, how everyone at the club adores her. There’s something that she’s not saying, and I can’t read what it is. But even in her happiness, there are brief shadows lurking between the lines. “I was born in Hart, raised in Hart, and I guess you could call me a biker queen, since Gray is Prez of the club, but that kind of thing still makes me uncomfortable.” Her long lashes drop with her eyes as she blushes. “Not because I don’t love the club or because I’m not fully invested. I am. I just don’t like being elevated above anyone else. I’m kind of a small town girl and always will be at heart.”
I can’t imagine that any women who belong to other clubs—or at least are with men who are legit one percenters—are like this. These women’s kindness, humility, and grace flow into the room. I expected their presence to smother me but having them here is strangely reassuring.
I miss my old life very much. I miss my friends, my community, my art, my calling. After being forced to give it all up, I was stubborn in my bitterness and didn’t want to find strings anywhere else, but the first invisible tether tugs at my heart.
“I teach at one of the community colleges here,” Ella says after Lark is finished.
“Seriously?”Wow. This is how I die, choking on my own awkwardness and from boiling in the heat of embarrassment. “I mean, that’s just…Wow.”
She laughs and points out the patch on the sleeve of her jacket, which I now see says,Property of Raiden.“I don’t dress like this in class.”
“I didn’t mean that you couldn’t teach because you’re into bikes and stuff. It’s just a lot of education to getto the point of becoming a professor. And not that there’s any correlation between commitment and intelligence and… uh… I’m just going to stop now.”
Ella is so sweet and easygoing that she doesn’t even seem to mind. “I get what you’re saying. It’s a lot of work, that’s for sure. A huge commitment, and definitely a lot of years in academics before you get where you want to be. I mentioned that I brought some books for you. I’m not sure if you’ll like them, and if you don’t, that’s totally fine. Don’t feel obligated to read them. There’s quite a mix in there. And don’t worry about giving them back. I have way too many.”
“I like Greek myths,” I blurt before wishing I could stuff that back inside too.
Dravin hasn’t exactly drilled into me what our cover should be other than the basics. Surely that’s a broad enough thing to like, though, isn’t it?
Ella squeals and claps her hands. “Oooh, we are going to get along just fine!”
“Bullet is into ancient Roman stuff. I’m not very good at anything but law, but I could ask him for pointers if you ever wanted to include me in future conversations,” Lynette offers with far more humility than I knew any lawyer could.
“Before you launch into this huge lecture on ancient cultures, let me at least say that if you ever want any antique or vintage stuff for this place, or if you’re into vintage clothes…” Willa eyes my t-shirt. “I have a huge antique store. I’d love to hook you up with anything you might like, or if you want to just come and look, I’ll give you the family and friends discount.”
That’s nice of her to say. I’m not family. I’m not even a friend.
But I am here now. I’m not a ghost. I’m not hiding. I’m not afraid to be in my own skin. That means something. It means a fuck of a lot more than I could have comprehended in my old life.
I didn’t want this, but being here with these women has already started to heal something inside of me that I thought was irrevocably broken forever. I guess after a year of isolation, I didn’t remember just how powerfulhumanitycould be.
Shit, now I’m getting sappy and looking at the room through a sheen of tears. “Thanks. I’d love to check it out.”
The whole room doesn’t do a collective sigh of relief because I took forever to answer. They just give me time.
“If you ever need your hair done, I’d be happy to have the chance to do something amazing for you. I own a salon downtown.”
Ahh. The gorgeous pink hair makes sense now. Tarynn can do that for herself because that’s her job.
“Yes!” I don’t care what Dravin has to say about it. I’m immediately going to take Tarynn up on her offer. Hair and makeup was never my be all end all, but I really miss that form of artistry and expression. If choosing something for myself could make me feel more like me, even if that’s not the old me and it’s some new, unlearned, slightly scary version, then it’s something I want to claim back. “I’ll phone tomorrow and book an appointment. I’ve been dying to do something. Anything. I don’t know what it is, but maybe you do?”
Tarynn shoots me the most confident smile. “I think we could work magic.”
“You all make me sound so boring. I guess you already know I’m a lawyer,” Lynette offers in her steady voice that is somehow relaxing just listening to it. She gives the impression of total competence. In her profession, that’s probably a good thing. It would be great to hire her, knowing for certain that she’ll get you out of whatever mess you’re in. “I used to do criminal law, but I work for the club now.”