Page 63 of Lorenzo & Lily

“She’s tired,” Lily said with a small smile. “She usually has a nap at pre-school around this time.”

Another thing learned: nap after lunch. He tucked the information away, so he could get better at anticipating Liliana’s needs. He would not fail at being a father. “Then let’s get you to bed. Do you think you’ll be able to sleep in your new bed?”

She yawned. “It’s comfy. Good for jumping.”

“No jumping on the bed, honey.”

“Mama,” Liliana whined. “It’s so bouncy. You can jump with me.”

Lorenzo chuckled. “I think right now we can use the bed for sleeping and we can discuss the jumping later.”

“Okay.”

Why did a child seem heavier when they slept, he wondered? Light as a feather while she drifted away, and now a warm, soft weight against his chest he never wanted to let go.

When they arrived at her bedroom, he softly kissed her head, then laid her down. There were still some boxes strewn about – some opened yet not unpacked, others still taped up – but her blankets, some toys, and other things had already been arranged. Liliana’s pink-hued everything clashed with the dark, neutral tones in the room, but he loved it.

Lorenzo pulled the blankets over her, brushed her hair back, then turned to Lily and pointed to the hallway. “Let’s head to my sitting room where we can talk,” he whispered.

* * *

Lily had seenhis rooms earlier, along with hers. It was a master suite that connected to hers via a secret passage. Lorenzo had shown her how to access it as well as the passage which led to Liliana’s room.

His rooms were large, yet comfortable. What wasn’t comfortable was the tension in the air.

“Coffee?”

“Yes, please. Thank you.”

He nodded and walked towards his kitchen, leaving her alone. She took one end of the couch, and took several deep breaths. When he re-entered a few minutes later, her spine was stiff but her mind focused.

He sat down next to her and poured them both a cup, doctoring hers the way she liked it. “There’s so much to talk about, I don’t even know where to begin.”

She exhaled. “Why don’t I start? I’m sorry, so sorry about this morning. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. You were just trying to manage the situation–”

“Stop right there. You and Liliana are not a situation. You’re my life.”

She inhaled sharply, but he kept on speaking.

“And I’m sorry. I suppose I’m just a little touchy about everything.”

“I know, and that’s partially my fault for not being able to tell you about Liliana earlier.”

“No, it’s not that. Or not entirely that.” He sighed as he sat back against the couch. “I feel completely fucking useless.”

“What? Why?”

“I can’t seem to do anything right where Liliana’s concerned, and I’ve got so much to learn. I should have known she takes a nap. Most children do, don’t they? And shouldn’t I have known she shouldn’t use the bathroom alone? Shouldn’t I have known–”

She put a hand on his arm and he turned his head towards hers. “Take a breath. You’ve only been a father for a day. Give it some time. You’ll learn.”

“I haven’t been a father for a day.”

Her hand fell away. “No, you’re right. You’ve been a father longer than that, but you knew what I meant.”

“I did. I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.”

“Do you ever think you’ll forgive me?” She held her breath waiting for his answer. How could he forgive, when she’d never really forgiven herself?

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