Page 41 of Insatiable Hunger

She glances over my shoulder, squinting a bit, then smiles. “Oh, that’s Quinn. He and Elias dated in high school.”

“How long did they date?” I keep my tone light, as not to sound suspicious of my questioning.

“Quite a while. Most of senior year, if I remember correctly.” Valerie brings the glass to her lips, taking a sip of her champagne.

It’s our rehearsal dinner this evening. Tomorrow we will be husband and wife; something I’m, now more than ever, sure is a mistake. I’m supposed to get up in front of our closest friends and family members and vow to love her, to be faithful, knowing in the crowd is her son; the man I spend more time than not obsessing over.

It’s fucked up.

I’m fucked up. More than that, I’m a coward.

As if I just cannot help myself, my eyes scan the crowd, easily finding the object of my neurosis. His arms are wrapped around that fucking punk, Quinn’s, neck as they dance to the slow beat of Luke Comb’sBeautiful Crazy,and I want to break something. Preferably his little fucking date’s hands that keep inching closer and closer to Elias’s ass.

Fuck this.Rising out of the chair, I glance down at Valerie. “I’m going outside for some fresh air. Need anything before I come back?”

Checking the time on her phone, she says, “No, I actually need to take Lynn and her kids back to their hotel before it gets too late.”

“Why do you have to do that? That’s all the way across town.”

Lynn is some snooty cousin of Valerie’s. I’ve never met her until today. She flew in from somewhere on the West Coast with her two wobbly and snotty kids.

“Well, she doesn’t know anyone that well. So, I told her I’d take her. I shouldn’t be gone for more than thirty minutes.”

With that settled, Valerie leaves and I step outside, hoping the cool night air can clear my head. There is no way I can go back into that venue as angry as I am now.

None of this is fair to Val. She’d be hurt if she knew how I was feeling. Shit, she’d probably bypass hurt and go straight for livid. And it’s not like I don’t feel guilty about the whole situation, because trust me, I do.

She is my best friend. Doing wrong by her, no matter the circumstance and arrangement, isn’t easy for me. But at this point, I don’t think honesty is really my best option anymore. Bottling it up and burying it are my only two viable choices now.

Reaching into my pocket, I pull out a Zippo lighter and a Cuban cigar my best man gave to me tonight. The spicy, bitter taste fills my mouth as I rest my back against the side of the building. Checking my watch, it’s only almost ten. We’ll probably be here for at least another two hours.

The ceremony starts at eleven tomorrow morning. It’s really happening.

Taking a few more puffs off the cigar, I put it out and tuck it away for later before heading back inside. The hallway that leads back to the reception hall where the rehearsal dinner is held is long and dimly lit. The music from inside the hall is muffled out here, but I can still hear it.

I loosen the knot in my tie, suddenly feeling like I can’t breathe. Like the walls are closing in on me. It isn’t a feeling I’ve experienced much in my life, but over the last few weeks leading up to the wedding, it’s been happening more and more. Like a wild dog backed into a corner, I feel trapped.

Down the hall, about halfway between the door that leads outside and the entrance to the reception hall, are a set of bathrooms. Walking out of one of those bathrooms is Elias. His back is to me as he heads back to the party, and I should let him go. I should leave him alone.

One thing I’ve come to learn in the last few months, though, when it comes to Elias, my mind and my heart do not see eye to eye. My mind and my body don’t either because no matter how much IknowI shouldn’t do, say, think certain things, I’m most likely going to anyway. They’re at war with each other, and more often than not, my heart wins.

Which is why, despite my better judgement and my mind screaming at me to turn around, I creep up on him like a thief in the night, grabbing him by the arm and spinning him around. He jumps, backing up as his eyes go wide, and now I’ve got him pinned, leaving him nowhere to go. My arm comes up, palm splayed on the wall beside his head.

Elias’s hands come to my chest, and he tries to shove me away, but when he gets nowhere, he huffs. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’ve been minding my own business all fucking evening. More than I can say about you.” The corner of his lip tilts into a sneer. “You can’t keep your fucking eyes off me, can you?”

“Watch it, boy,” I growl, my face inches from his. Glancing down the hall to make sure we’re actually alone, I narrow my eyes back on him. “Where’s your little date? Is that where you’re coming from? Maybe fucking him in the bathroom?”

“Wow.” Elias laughs, but it lacks any humor. “You really are drunk, aren’t you?”

“Answer the question, Elias.”

“That’s none of your fucking business,Zeke.” The way he says my name with such disgust makes me want to put him over my knee and beat him with my belt until he’s learned some respect. “Now, move and let me get back to the fucking party. You know, your wedding rehearsal.”

“You better not go home with him,” I grit out like I have any right.

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