Page 57 of Always

She had chosen wrong back then, she knew that now. She had suffered the consequences of that choice for years. And now, with full irony and awfulness, she had nearly the same decision before her again.

Because alone in her room, in the cold light of the early morning, she knew that she still cared for James. He had been the love of her life, her first love that she had believed with all her soul would also be her last love. Her feelings for him had rooted deep inside of her like a seed that had sent its branches through every part of her body. To try and pull that out of her—she felt that it would tear her apart.

Ten years ago, when choosing between the love of her life and her duty and loyalty to her family, she had chosen the latter. She didn’t want to repeat the same mistake, but on which side of the scale did Marco fall?

Marrying Marco would please her family, and it would cement her place in her father’s business and her mother’s charity. But did Marco also not represent love? After all, he was the one kneeling at her feet with a diamond ring. James had never proposed to her. And he never would. He hadn’t come back to New York for her. It was only chance that brought them together, against his obvious inclination and his ongoing resentment.

He seemed to have forgiven her lately, that was true. But that didn’t mean he had any kind of feelings for her again. She would be a fool to gamble on it when Marco was here, now, fully committed to her.

And yet...

Anika knew what it was to love somebody with your entire being, to be consumed by them, knitted together with them, to know them more intimately than you know yourself. And the truth was, she didn’t know Marco like that, at least not yet.

Maybe she would, in time. But she knew if she walked any further down that path, she would be cutting James loose forever. She could never move forward with Marco if she was still holding on to a sliver of hope. And James would never forgive her if she turned away from him a second time.

She lay in her bed, in an agony of indecision.

It was only hours later, close to noon, with a dozen missed calls on her phone, that she finally dragged herself out of bed and into work.

She sat at her desk like a zombie, staring at her computer screen without reading a word. Even Hannah hobbled into her office on crutches to ask if she was alright.

“Yes,” Anika said dully, “I’m fine.”

Around one pm, Anika gathered up her purse. Marco was coming to pick her up. They didn’t have time for a full lunch, but he wanted to take her to the cafe around the corner so they could have coffee together at least. He had promised not to press her about the ring.

“I just want to see you,” he said.

As Anika was coming down the stairs, she ran into someone rushing up them. They collided, the other person only stopping her from falling backward by grabbing her by the shoulders.

“Oh! I’m sorry—"

“James!” Anika cried.

She was so surprised to see him that she couldn’t make sense of what was happening. He hadn’t been back to her office since he stopped dating Hannah. The shock of his presence—here, in the flesh, when she’d been thinking about him so constantly—put her utterly off her guard.

“Are you here to see Hannah?” she asked, stupidly.

“No,” James said. He was red in the face, highly agitated. He couldn’t seem to look at her.

“What were you—" she began, but she stopped when he thrust something into her hands.

“Here,” he said, “I found this.”

It was a small packet, wrapped in brown paper. Anika looked at it, not understanding. James was already turning away, going back down the stairs.

“Wait!” she called after him, but he didn’t wait.

She hurried down the stairs, but she was too slow. James was too tall, his stride much longer than hers. She came out into the parking lot only in time to see him getting into his car, slamming the door. In seconds he had pulled out of the lot and driven away.

She would have opened the packet at once, but Marco was already waiting for her, standing outside his car. He likewise looked flushed, not to mention angry.

“What was he doing here?” he demanded of Anika.

Without thinking, she slipped the paper packet into her purse.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I didn’t know he was coming.”

“Let’s go,” Marco said impatiently. “I haven’t got much time.”

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