Page 98 of Better Than the Movies
“What is this?” She said it in a tired voice that had a bit of an edge to it. “I feel like you’retryingto fight with me.”
I blinked fast. “No, I’m not.” I totally was. Nobody who I wanted to fight with was speaking to me. So why not Helena?
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Because you just got mad that I called you by the nickname that I’ve heard your dad and the next-door neighbor call you. I don’t see you having a problem withanyone but mesaying it.”
“Well,theyactually knew her.”
She looked at me, exuding disappointment at the brat I knew I was being. “I can’t help that I didn’t.”
“I know.” It wasn’t about whether or not she knew my mom; it was about the infringement of my mother’s memories. Her legacies. I mean, it wasn’t irrational to try to keep those pure, was it?
She sighed and dropped her arms to her sides. “Youdoknow, Liz, that your mother’s memory won’t disappear if you get closer to me.”
“Excuseme?” The words felt like a physical slap because—God—she’d just lent voice to my biggest fear. How would itnotdisappear if Helena got closer? Because no matter what he said, it’d disappeared for my father. When he talked about my mom now, it was like he was referencing some historical figure that he was incredibly fond of.
Her place in his heart was gone, and she only lived in his head now.
Helena tilted her head and said, “It won’t. You’ll still remember her exactly as you do right now, even if you let me in a little.”
“How do you know that?” I blinked back tears and said, “What if itdoesdisappear? I know that you’re great for my dad and supercool, and I know that you’re here to stay. Iknowall of that, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re here and she isn’t and that feels sort of shitty.”
Her mouth snapped shut. “Of course it does. I would’ve been lost without my mom. I totally get that it feels awful. But pushing me away is not going to bring her back, Liz.”
I sniffled and wiped at the tears on my cheeks. “Yeah, I think I know that, Helena.”
“Maybe if we—”
“No.” I gritted my teeth and wished she would disappear so I could cry and lie on the soft grass. But if she wasn’t leaving, I’d have to. I put in my earbuds, scrolled to “Enter Sandman” by Metallica, and said, “Maybe if you just leave me alone and let me live my life without trying to fill her shoes every time I turn around, we’ll all be happier.”
I didn’t wait for her to respond. I started running the way I’d come, only I pushed my legs to sprint as fast as I possibly could. I swiped at my cheeks and tried outrunning the sadness, but it stayed with me all the way home.
I was almost to my house when I saw Wes getting out of his car.
He slammed the door and started walking across the street, to where I was, before he noticed me. He gave me a chin-nod and said, “Hey.”
Hey.Like we hadn’t kissed, or texted, or talked on the phone, or eaten hamburgers together. Justhey. Wow—he reallywasa jerk, wasn’t he? I stopped running and yanked out one of my earbuds. “Hey. By the way, thanks for helping me get Michael.” The words spilled out. I was aware of my own horribleness as I racked my brain for something to say that would make him hurt as badly as I did, and I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
His eyes moved over my face before he said, “Sure, although he does still have that pesky Laney around. I think you’ll have to deal with that before you officially ‘get’ him.”
“Nah.” I waved a hand and swallowed down my emotions with a smile. “He told me that he’s not going to make a move.”
“He did?” He rubbed his eyebrow and looked past me for a minute before his gaze returned to my face. My breath caught as I looked at the same eyes that had been hot and wild for me in the front seat of his car, and he said, “Well, you’re just about to get everything you’ve ever wanted, then, aren’t you? Why didn’t you tell me that before?”
Um, it was hard to talk when we were driving off a cliff and then you were eating my face.I inhaled through my nose. I was so pissed at him—at myself—so damned disappointed, and I wanted to make him feel some of that. “Like I’m really going to share all my secrets with the person who was just doing me a solid and filling in for Mr. Right.”
He swallowed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Good thinking.”
“Right?” I expelled a fake laugh and said, “I mean, no offense,but you guys couldn’t be more different. He’s like a gourmet restaurant, and you’re a super-fun sports bar. He’s a limo, and you’re a Jeep Wrangler. He’s an Oscar-winning film, and you’re… a car-racing movie. Both good, but good for different people.”
Those dark eyes narrowed marginally. “Is there a point to this, Buxbaum?”
“Nah.” I reached up, pulled out my ponytail, and dug my fingers into my hair. It felt like a victory, the way he was visibly irritated. “Just grateful to you for everything you did for me.”
“Really.”
