Page 27 of Tutoring Mr. Hotshot

We're not even official and there's this burden on me, this desire to make things right for him, to give him a fighting chance.

Can he have that if he's dating me? Will the other guys even allow it? I hate to say allow because that makes it seem like they have control over us. In a way, they kind of do.

I've been at their mercy for years. Now Andry's at their mercy in a different way.

By the time dinner finishes, I've pushed myself into a dark place. My smile is still there, though it's brittle. My heart's not in it anymore because I know that at the end of this night, no matter what happens, I have to give him up.

I have to let Andry go because being with me isn't in his future.

He's going to be a superstar on the ice. The hotshot player who comes in and sweeps through the NFL, breaking records left and right. If he plays for Bellport, Brutal Bishop will take him under his wing and Maddox and Leon will show him how they play.

He'll have a family. He'll build relationships and one day, he'll find someone to love.

Someone who isn't me.

The thought sobers me enough that I remain quiet. I can't think about it too much more or I'll start crying. And I have no doubt the big man beside me will take my tears and go on a rampage to fight whatever invisible enemy there is.

He would have been the best Daddy.

CHAPTER10

Andry

Something is bothering my little genius. He has been off since dinner. Something I did or said must have upset him.

I want to fix it. I wish I knew how I could.

Is he wanting me to take care of him more? Did I not prove that I am dedicated enough? Or is it something I have no control over?

My little genius’s self-esteem seems low. Despite being smart beyond his years, he holds himself as if he needs to blend into the background. It's like he wants to be invisible, so no one sees him.

I don't like it.

Not one bit.

He deserves to be printed on billboards and blasted across TV screens. People should praise him for how smart he is. They should recognize that he’s someone they need to look out for. Someone who can do more than they ever could.

Instead, I feel as if he’s trying to let others rule over him.

I'm going to have to help him break that bad habit. If people believe you’re weak, they’ll treat you as such. If they believe you’re strong, they won’t challenge you.

When it’s time to go, I realize that he’ll have to drive me all the way back to campus and then double back. It's not a good situation. I decide to order a car instead.

“Come wait with me,” I tell him while Ma works to finish cleaning up the kitchen.

I tried to offer to help her; however, she threatened to take away the leftovers she was sending me home with. I couldn't let that happen.

The food is delicious. It was something I'd never had before, given my limited options back home. And I wanted more of it. Wanted to eat until I was stuffed.

Then I wanted to cuddle up with Rodney until we dozed into a peaceful sleep. I could envision it clear as day.

He is my future.

“Are you sure you don't want me to drive you?” he asks again.

“I'm positive, little genius. You don’t need to get out because of me.”

He relents eventually and stands on the porch with me. It's cool tonight. The weather gives me the perfect excuse to pull him to my chest and wrap myself around him.

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