Page 14 of Shadows of You

As I saw the lights of an ambulance through the trees, I breathed a little easier.

Caden ran ahead to help them ready the stretcher we’d transfer the man onto. It only took a matter of minutes. The EMTs got a line running with a warming solution as we secured the man in place.

The female EMT cast me a wary look I was used to but tried my best to ignore. Fastening the belt around the man’s chest, I stepped back and out of the way. A few moments later, they’d loaded him into the back and were off.

My siblings and Caden slipped right back into giving each other hell. This time, it was about Nash stealing the cookies that Holt’s fiancée, Wren, had made for him. I stayed back and watched.

These SAR missions were the best and the worst. They gave me a sense of purpose. Let me be a part of my family I wouldn’t otherwise have. But I still felt like I didn’t fit. Like I was…other. And at the end of the day, it left me knowing one thing.

I was so damn alone. But I needed to be. It was the only thing that was truly safe. So, I slipped away into the shadows of that loneliness all over again.

5

ASPEN

My fingers curvedaround the coffee mug as I took in the blanket of white out my front windows. Something about it was so peaceful. As if the entire world had gone silent.

It felt safe. A cocoon of blissful snowflakes.

Chauncey leaned into my side, and I dropped my hand to scratch behind his ears. “I know. I promise to let you have a good romp later.”

I’d taken him out on a leash first thing this morning, but he was itching for a run.

A sound had me instantly on alert, my hand going to the Taser I kept balanced on the window, just out of Cady’s reach. My grip loosened as I took in the plow making its way up the two-lane road. The air left my lungs in a whoosh.

How long would it take for me to breathe easy again? For John and all the people taken in by his pretty façade to no longer take up space in my brain?

I had moments when I thought I’d found that. I had Cady, a cozy home, and a job I loved, managing The Brew. The position had brought me friends for the first time in years. When Maddie worked there, she’d brought Wren and Lawson’s sister, Grae, into my life. It didn’t matter to them that I had walls up or places I wouldn’t go in a conversation. They welcomed me anyway.

Guilt gnawed at me for how much I’d hidden. Especially when they had been so open and honest about all the trials they’d endured. But I couldn’t get myself to release my story. Because burying it deep had kept me and Cady safe.

“Mama?” Cady’s sleepy voice drifted down the hall.

I turned, letting the gauzy curtains fall back into place. “Morning, Katydid. How’d you sleep?”

She smacked her lips as if still struggling to get her mouth to work. “Good. Are we late?”

It was past eight-thirty, so the sun streamed in through the windows. I grinned. “Snow day for you and me.”

Cady’s whole face lit up, her green eyes dancing the way my sister Autumn’s had when we were growing up. The ache that took root in my chest was a war of pleasure and pain. I loved that I could see glimpses of Autumn in Cady, but God…I missed my sister like a limb.

“Snow day!” Cady started dancing around the living room, shaking her little booty in an exaggerated motion I did not want to know where she’d learned.

Chauncey barked and took up a three-legged dance around her.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

Cady giggled as the dog jumped up and licked her cheek. “We’re gonna have the best day, Chauncey! I can make snowballs for you to fetch, and we can make snow angels and a snow fort.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a busy day planned,” I said, smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. “Think you’ve got time for hot cocoa with me first?”

“Duh!” Cady hurled herself in my direction.

I had just enough time to set down my coffee before she collided with me. Cady’s arms and legs wrapped around me as I lifted her. She buried her face in my hair. “You’re the bestest.”

Everything in me twisted. “I learned it from you.”

“Nuh-uh. You’re way older than me.”

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