Page 108 of Fragile Sanctuary

“I might not’ve held the blade or stopped the heart, but I may as well have,” I bit out.

She shook my hands this time, nails digging into my skin. “You were trying to stop him.”

I had tried. Before Greta died and I realized it was all pointless, I’d given it everything. Nights of barely any sleep so I could keep digging when the bureau moved us on to other cases. Endless phone calls and flying back to crime scenes on my own dime. But was it obsession more than anything? I didn’t know. Maybe it was that ego-driven need to defeat him more than dedication to the greater good.

Rho released one of my hands and brushed the hair away from my face, her fingers lingering there. “None of us is just one thing.We’re not all good or all bad. We’re a blend of shadow and light. And those sparks only shine because of the darkness.”

My throat constricted, air barely getting through.

“Ihatethat this happened to you. That you lost people you loved. That amonsterripped away so much from you. But you are a beautiful person, Anson. Agoodperson. And you are that way because of what you’ve been through.”

Rho’s eyes bored into me. “You are the kind of person who takes time with a terrified dog to show him that all men aren’t bad. The kind of person who sleeps on a lumpy couch because you knew I was too proud to say I was scared. And you’re the kind of person who made it safe for me to say some of the things I was most scared to give voice to.”

Her fingers trailed down my neck to my shoulder. They dug in there, squeezing as if to ask if I wasreallypaying attention. “You made me feel seen, Anson. Understood when I always felt like a bit of a freak. Do you get what a gift that is?”

“Rho.” Her name was more plea than anything else.

“So, you had a big head. Maybe you were a cocky prick. So what? You think that means you deserved to have your life shredded? To have your sister killed?”

My jaw clamped shut, teeth grinding.

“Guess what? It wasn’t about you. It was about some sick asshole andhisobsession. You didn’t do it.Hedid.”

Something about what Rho said, the ferocity with which she said it, penetrated. For possibly the first time.It wasn’t about you.

She was right. If I hadn’t been at the bureau then, the unsub would’ve fixated on someone else. It could’ve been anyone, for any reason. It just happened to be me.

“Sometimes, it feels like the guilt is going to swallow me whole,” I admitted.

A few tears spilled over Rho’s lids, dropping to my chest. Her hand slid down, covering the spot where they’d fallen. “I know. I’d give anything to take it away for you.Anything.But I can’t. All I can say is thatI know.”

And she did. Rho knew, unlike anyone else ever could. The circumstances were completely different, but the weight was somehow the same. The price we paid for still breathing amidst the loss.

“The only thing we can do is let them teach us how to live,” Rho whispered.

I stared up at her, those wild brown locks swirling around me, blocking out the rest of the world.

“We know there are no guarantees. So, we live life to the fullest. We don’t miss a second. And we appreciate all the things they loved so much.”

A lump formed in my throat, a boulder I had to clear before I could speak. “Greta loved flowers.”

Rho’s fingers clamped down on mine.

My mouth curved the slightest bit. “But she was awful at taking care of them. We talked every week, and she would moan about killing another one. She would’velovedyour back deck.”

Even in the dark, I could see all the color out the back doors—more pots than I could count. Red, yellow, pink, purple. So much life.

I looked back at Rho, the same swirl of color, of life, in her eyes. “I wanted to climb into the grave with her.”

“I know,” Rho whispered. “But she wouldn’t want that.”

“No,” I croaked. “She wouldn’t.”

Rho bent, lowering herself slowly until her lips were just a breath away from mine. “So, live.”

And for the first time in two years, she made me want to.

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