Knowing you were left outside a fire station when you were barely a month old could mess with someone’s head. Make them feel like they needed to prove their worth. Shep had done all that and more.
I grabbed the bags from the counter, shoving the need to analyze and dig deeper from my mind. My profiling days were long gone. They had to be. It was the only way I had any prayer of holding on to my sanity.
“Thanks,” I muttered, heading for the door.
Just as I reached the parking lot, my phone started buzzing. I shifted, sliding the device out of my pocket and glancing at the screen. Only about five people had the number these days, so the possibilities were limited. Still, relief slid through me at the sight of Shep’s name.
“Yeah.”
Shep’s easy chuckle filled the line. “You know that isn’t actually a greeting, right?”
“What do you want, asshole?” I grumbled.
The last thing I should be doing was giving Shep shit. He’d saved my ass. Had given me somewhere to land when everything went up in fiery flames. A job. A purpose that had kept me from descending into a bottle or worse.
I’d worked a few construction jobs in college, so I knew the basics. But working with my hands, building something up instead oftearing it apart was so different from my time with the bureau. I’d needed that. And I had my college friend to thank for it all.
“Why so grumpy?” Shep chided. “Need a snack?”
I grunted. “I had to run your errands.”
Shep snorted in response. “Sorry I made you people, but I had to meet a client for a job update and sure as hell knew you didn’t want to do that.”
Beeping the locks on my truck, I opened the back door to the cab and shoved the bags inside. “What do you need?”
It could’ve been nothing. Shep liked to check on his people and make sure they were okay. But not typically in the middle of a workday. He’d save that for stopping by for a beer to nose around in our business.
“Can you meet me at Rho’s Victorian? I want to go over our restoration plan before we’re a go tomorrow.”
“Sure. Now?”
“If it works for you.”
I glanced at my watch. The day was only half over, and I’d been itching to get into the space ever since Shep had told me about it. As I worked with Shep and his team, I found I had a gift for buildings with fire damage. I’d taken that gift and expanded on it with some training and digging into research. Now, I took point on those restoration projects.
It was fitting. My idea of messed-up atonement. Only it wouldn’t come close to paying the price I owed.
“I’ll head that way now,” I said, climbing behind the wheel.
“I’m still a ways out, but feel free to poke around. Don’t think anyone’s there. Rho was finishing up at her old place.”
I’d never laid eyes on Shep’s sister. Not for his lack of trying. He was always trying to bring me into his family’s fold. And they were that to him. Family. It didn’t matter that not all of them shared blood or that some had only joined the brood midway through life. They were his, and that bond was everything to him.
But just the thought of those kinds of familial ties had my ribstightening around my lungs. My breaths got shallower. Each inhale brought a stab of pain.
I shoved it all down and locked it away in a place I never went. Because if I ventured there, the darkness would swallow me whole.
“Anson?” Shep’s voice cut into my spiraling thoughts.
“Sorry, what?”
He was quiet for a moment, and the brief pause told me he was worried. “I asked if you wanted to come to dinner after. Mom’s making lasagna.”
When was the last time I’d had a home-cooked meal? I couldn’t even remember. God knew I didn’t have a prayer of cooking one. “I’m good.”
“Are you?” Shep probed.
Aw, hell.“I’m fine. Just don’t want to do dinner.”