Page 134 of Chasing Shelter

Lolli winked at him. “Both can be true.”

“Dear God,” I muttered. “Someone save me from my family.”

39

ELLIE

I pulledup the covers on Trace’s bed as Gremlin snored softly on his donut version in the corner. Trace’s décor was slightly surprising in its put-togetherness. The blue and gray tones complemented nicely, especially with the stunning black-and-white photo of the Monarch Mountains on the far wall. And the bed itself felt like floating on a cloud.

Lifting the neck of the perfectly worn T-shirt to my nose, I inhaled deeply. Sandalwood. Black pepper. Trace. I wondered if there was a way to put the blend of scents in a candle or room spray. The two T-shirts I’d stolen from him were already losing their scent, and I knew I’d be trying to find a way to bring this one home tomorrow.

Home.

I shuddered at the thought. Because I wasn’t sure it felt like that anymore. It didn’t matter how many murals I splashed across the walls or how much color I imbued in every room. It would still be the place that someone violated.

Pressure built behind my eyes, dying to break free. I hadn’t cried. Not yet. If I broke now, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to pick up the piecesthis time. There was too much. Finding out my father was more of a monster than I ever could’ve known. Realizing I’d promised forever to a man who was much the same. Trying to start over. To build a new life. Only to have it broken into.

My breaths started to come faster just as the door to the bathroom opened and Trace stepped out. His hair was still on the cusp of wet from his shower, and he wore blue-and-green flannel pajama bottoms with a Mercer County Sheriff’s Department tee that had clearly seen more than a little use. The moment his dark green eyes locked on mine, Trace knew something was wrong.

He was at my side in a second, climbing onto the bed and framing my face with his big, callused hands. “You’re okay. You just need to slow those breaths. Focus on me.”

I tried to do as he said, to see Trace and nothing else, but the pressure just kept building. In my chest. Behind my eyes. Everywhere. As if with one wrong move, my whole body would explode.

“When is my life my own?” The words tore out of me, garbled by the tears finally breaking free.

Trace’s hands dropped from my face but only so he could pull me into his arms. “Ellie.”

It was all he said. There was no telling me I was wrong or even trying to soothe my feelings by brushing them away. But my name on his lips was a vow. One that told me he’d be with me through it all.

“W-when do I get ownership of it? Of myself? Even when I start over, my dad’s still trying to manipulate me, to move his chess pieces to get what he wants. Bradley won’t stop calling, texting, maybe so much worse. When do I get to be free?”

The words tumbled from me like a wave of hot lava, pouring out and burning everything in its path. But Trace wasn’t scarred by it at all. He simply pulled back, slid a hand along my jaw and into my hair, and held on. “What do you need?”

I didn’t know. Didn’t have the first clue.

“Whatever you need, it’s yours. Right now. Want to put a pegacorn over my headboard? I’ll get the paint. Want to turn my backyard into a goat sanctuary? I’ll get the feed. Need to hit something?I’ll take you to Haven and spar with you until you pass out. Whatever it is. I’m here. With you. Always.”

Every offer burned into me. And those last words…they were so much more. I could read beneath them to the meaning below. Maybe because I felt it, too. The words neither of us had spoken for so many reasons.

I moved then, straddling Trace’s lap, my tee riding up my bare thighs. “I need you. Need this.” My mouth met his in a kiss that was more than a little desperate as my fingers threaded through his hair. “I need to feel everything. What it is to come alive and come apart. Because I made the choice.”

Trace gazed up at me, searching, checking to make sure this was what I really wanted. What I needed. And then he saw…something. “You need to own this moment. This choice. Because it’s your life.”

I nodded. “Becauseyouare my choice.”

Trace’s eyes softened then, but heat smoldered in the green depths, turning them to glittering emeralds. “There haven’t been many times in my life where that was the case.”

His words hit me like painful blows—bombs of realization. Because Trace hadn’t been put first much. Not by his mom or dad. Not by Leah. Nora and Lolli had given him that, but Trace hadn’t fully let them. I could see how he’d taken it upon himself to caretake all of them. To focus on their safety and well-being and not think about his—or better yet, what would makehimhappy.

“Trace,” I rasped, my lips hovering over his, making the barest contact on that single syllable. “I choose you.”

His hands moved then, sliding up my thighs and gripping the hem of my tee. He pulled it off in one swift movement, and I watched with pleasure as his pupils dilated, and he let out a sound that resembled a growl. “Ellie…”

My mouth curved the slightest amount. “Yes, Chief?”

“You got into my bed with no panties and no bra?”

“I believe I did.”

---