Page 150 of Chasing Shelter

ELLIE

I could feelTrace’s heart hammering against my fingertips. Could feel his breaths coming in ragged inhales and exhales. I could see the anger blazing in those dark green eyes. But I didn’t let go. Trace never did, and neither would I. Because he deserved someone who would hold on for him. Someone who would keep him from breaking.

“Not going anywhere.” I squeezed my fingers tighter around his fist, pressing both our hands against his chest. Holding him together when he felt like everything was falling apart.

Unshed tears glistened in Trace’s eyes. “I can’t let him hurt you.”

I’d thought my heart had broken when Kye shared those delicate truths on my back deck, but it shattered now. I should’ve known this was at the core of it all. A need to keep me safe.

My hand gripped Trace’s harder. “He’s not going to hurt me. Because we’re not going to let him.”

“No matter what I do, he’s always there, haunting me,” Trace ground out. “I see him that night. He didn’t just make me watch him bury my mother. He made me dig the grave.”

Tears pooled, threatening to spill over. “I drove the shovel into hard earth, over and over again, my palms bleeding and begging for mercy. But my father didn’t give one damn.”

The shards of my heart jerked painfully, a dose of rage rushing through my veins. “Trace.”

“When I tried to stop, he hit me so hard my teeth sliced my cheek open. Blood pooled in my mouth, spilling out onto that dirt, mixing with hers.”

My tears started to fall, imagining that little boy so scared out of his mind and so traumatized by what he’d seen. There wasn’t a damn thing I could say to make it better. All I could do was hold on and let him know that he wasn’t in the memories alone. That I’d be with him for whatever he had to face.

Trace’s breaths tripped over each other as he struggled to keep his breathing even. “I kept digging, too scared not to, my hands and mouth bloodied. And then he told me to put her in the ground. To erase her as if she’d never lived at all.”

His throat worked as he struggled to swallow, his hand spasming in mine. “And I did it. So damn scared of what would happen if I didn’t, but so ashamed of not standing up to him.”

“Trace,” I whispered. “You were twelve. Achild. He was a monster. And a manipulator. You were doing what you had to do to survive.”

Trace’s green gaze was nearly black as it locked with mine. “I rolled her into the grave I dug. Covered her with the dirt I’d piled high. And when I started to cry, he hit me again. He hit me until I didn’t make any more sounds at all.”

Silent tears tracked down my face. I would’ve given anything to take the pain from Trace. The Trace of all those years agoandthe Trace now.

“He warned me,” Trace rasped. “He said that I was the one who’d buried her. My DNA was all over my mom and the gravesite. If the police came, I was the one who’d go to jail. Not him.”

I wasn’t sure I’d ever hated anyone the way I hated Trace’s father. Not even my own, even after all he’d done to me and others. It tooka special kind of evil to put a little boy through that kind of torture. Something I prayed was revisited on him tenfold when he reached the pits of hell.

“But you told the principal anyway,” I croaked.

“I thought I deserved what was coming for me. Jail. Death. Whatever it was. But I couldn’t leave her there with no headstone, no service. I couldn’t do it.”

I gripped his hand tighter as if it were the only thing keeping me tethered to this Earth. He was so good. Better than he could possibly know. “A champion for justice, even then.”

“I thought they’d take me away. Instead, they brought me to the Colsons. To a place better than I ever could’ve dreamed.”

“And some part of you still doesn’t feel like you deserve it.”

My words weren’t a question, but Trace answered with one devastating word. “No.”

I took in a shaking breath. “You don’t get it, Trace.” I squeezed his fingers as tightly as I could. “You’re a miracle for all of us. Every single person you let truly know you. I heard that from Kye tonight. Gabriel countless times. I see it every single day when Keely lights up around you.”

“Ellie,” he choked out.

“No, you’re going to listen. I’ve been searching for something for as long as I can remember. Looking for belonging, safety. I’ve been chasing shelter, and you’re the one who finally gave it to me.”

He let out a shuddered breath and shook his head. “You gave it to yourself.”

“Maybe you’re right.” I lifted my free hand and pressed it to his stubbled cheek. “But I found it in your arms. Because you made me brave enough to finally be who I truly am. Don’t take that away from me.”

Unshed tears were back in Trace’s eyes. “Ellie.”

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