Page 42 of Beautifully Broken Control

I was used to dancing through pain, but this was just stupid. I needed new shoes. I opened up my notebook and wrote down my upcoming expenses, wincing when I remembered to add the cost of Annabeth’s classes for the month. I could take some of the end-of-the-day baked goods home with me, but that meant less for the shelter.

I nibbled on the end of my pen. Maybe I could offer to take over one of Seraphina’s classes for extra hours. If I got the cheap pointe shoes, it would all work out. I scratched between Chuck’s ears. “We’ll figure it out.”

I pulled out a piece of paper from the notebook and tore it into five strips. “A little reminder never hurt anyone.” Chuck let out a snore of agreement.

I paused for a moment before I began writing, tapping the pen to my lips.Sunshine afternoons at the park with Chuck.I folded the slip and tucked it into the back of my journal so I could place it in my jar when I got home, then repeated the process.

The perfect marionberry muffin. The ability to help Annabeth stay in dance class.I looked around, my gaze settling on the worn library hardback.Rereading an old favorite. Lizzie’s smile when Cain braided her hair.

My thoughts began to wander, dark blue eyes flashing in my mind. I shook my head. “Not for you, girl.” I needed to date someone like Doug. My stomach turned at the thought. That wasn’t fair to Doug, but there was simply no spark there. No fire. Nothing that drew me to him in a way that felt effortlessly magnetic.

I flipped my journal closed and picked up the mini tennis ball. “Want to play?”

Chuck perked right up. You’d never know he was a senior citizen. He hopped up and down, letting out a playful growl. I laughed and let the ball fly, throwing it as far as I could. Chuck took off like a rocket.

There was something about his brown floppy ears flapping in the wind like they were wings that might help him take flight that put the biggest dopey grin on my face. He dropped the drool-soaked ball in my lap, and I groaned. “Really, Chuck?” He only barked his demand that I throw it again. I, of course, obeyed.

On the way back, he was side-tracked by a woman with a dog who looked like Chuck’s twin. She waved. “How do you get him to fetch? I can barely get Louie off the couch.”

I grinned. “Chuck sleeps about twenty out of twenty-four hours. But bring out a tennis ball, and he’s a different dog.”

She returned my smile and walked a few steps closer. “Did you get him around here? My husband and I are looking for another Cavalier breeder because ours retired.”

I forced my muscles to stay relaxed. It was a normal question. “No, nowhere near here, unfortunately.”

“Drat.” Chuck came back and dropped the ball into my lap yet again. “Louie, learn from him, would you?” The dog just looked up at his owner with a happy pant, and the woman sighed. “I’m Laura, by the way.”

I gave a little wave. “Kennedy. It’s nice to meet you.”

“You, too. Well, we’ll let you get back to fetch, but I’m sure we’ll see you around. Maybe we can have a doggie playdate.”

“That’d be fun.” As I watched Laura and Louie walk off, I realized I’d meant what I said. It would be fun. I wasn’t as hesitant to let others in as I once was. Sure, I was careful, but I had friends now. A community.

My phone buzzed next to me, and I glanced down.Davis Barrington has been granted parole.A lead weight settled in my belly. Less than two years in prison and my father was going free. Those acid tears gathered at the backs of my eyes again. Emotions all over the map swirled within me.

I squeezed my eyes closed, pulling my knees to my chest as I let my head fall. I couldn’t imagine what a life in prison, even one for white-collar crimes, would be like. But I knew none of it was pleasant. I didn’t want my father hurt or in pain, but I also longed for justice for his victims. Who decided what was just, though? I knew it wasn’t less than two years in prison before walking free. Yet there was a bit of relief that my dad would be safe now. How did I come to terms with the emotions warring inside me?

How could you love someone and hate them at the same time? I loved my father, but I hated what he’d become. What he’d turned me into. A face I couldn’t look at in the mirror. A liar. A thief. The reason that four people were dead. How did I live with what my own life had cost others?

* * *

“Why are you scowling?”I looked back down to the onion I was chopping so I didn’t accidentally cut off a finger. My head hadn’t exactly been in the game since learning that my father was about to walk free.

Anna’s scowl deepened. “I’m not scowling.”

My lips twitched. “It just got worse.”

“Whatever.” She poured a can of tomatoes into a large pot.

“Come on, tell me.”

“There’s a new resident, and I don’t trust him.”

My laughter deepened. “You’re paranoid.” Anna got this way about every new resident. She trusted no one until they passed her test. What that test was, I had no idea. I could just tell when someone had made the cut.

Anna pelted a carrot at me as the kitchen door swung open. “What’s going on in here?”

That deep voice skittered across my skin, leaving chill bumps in its wake. “Just Anna thinking the new resident is one of your bandits.”

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