Page 92 of Beautifully Broken Control

That was the thing about starting over, about moving on. When you took a chance, knowing how much it could hurt when you lost someone, the risk was that much greater. The fall, when everything came apart, so much more painful. I rubbed at the place between my breasts. Even now, knowing how much this hurt, I missed Cain. I craved that feeling of safety, comfort, and peace that came when I was wrapped up in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Kenz. Give him some time to come around.” Jensen gave me a gentle smile. “I think this is the first time he’s attempted a real relationship since college. He needs to adjust to letting someone in.”

I shook my head. I’d seen the ferocity with which he held onto his demons. The memories that haunted him. He’d never let me in there, and I was no longer sure we could make it work if he didn’t.

I looked down at my still-full glass. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m up for wine, actually. I’m just going to go upstairs, take a long, hot shower, and try to get some sleep.”

Jensen stood, pulling me to my feet and wrapping me in a hug. “I love you, Kenz. You have a family here. It’s me and Tuck and Noah and all of my nosy, intrusive, well-meaning relatives. You’re not alone.”

I let out a hiccupped sob. “Thank you.”

“Always.” She gave me one last squeeze and released me. “Get some sleep.”

“I will.” I climbed the stairs, pulling open the door and pausing briefly as my hand hovered over the security system keypad. I’d have to deal with the reminder ofhimas long as I lived here, but I didn’t have to set the dang thing. Maybe I could hang a picture over it or something. I sighed, bending to scratch Chuck’s ears. He only raised a single eyelid. He was mad at me. He missed Cain, too. “Sorry, buddy.”

I shuffled to the bathroom, stripping off my clothes and stepping under the hot spray. It didn’t matter that it had been in the eighties today, there was a chill in my bones that I couldn’t escape. I turned the water up to scalding. It still didn’t cure the cold.

I turned off the tap, climbing out and toweling off. I pulled on pajamas and forced myself to blow-dry my hair. Waking up to a rat’s nest wouldn’t make anything better. I sighed and glanced at the time on my phone. 8:13. Maybe I could find a Tylenol PM to take and force sleep.

Chuck barked from the other room and let out a low growl.Had I forgotten to feed him?I didn’t think so. I pushed open the door. “Bud, what’s with the barking?”

A hand tugged sharply on my long hair, yanking me back into a solid chest as a hand covered my mouth. I was stunned into frozen silence for the briefest of moments before I began to thrash. I slammed my elbow back into the man’s gut, and he grunted.

I raced for the door, but he caught my hair again, this time pulling it so hard I lost my footing and slammed into the wood slats of the floor. The world swam around me, everything a picture of rippled blurs. “Shit! Why’d you have to run? I didn’t want to have to hurt you.”

I couldn’t see the face, but that voice. It didn’t make sense. He shouldn’t be here. My mind tried to put the pieces together, but before I could, I slipped away into a sea of black.

40

Cain

“You’re being a dumb shit.”

“Tuck,” Walker warned as he filled his coffee mug.

Tuck cut his gaze towards Walker. “What? Someone needs to tell him the truth. He’s used to living surrounded by yes-men, we’re not that.”

As Tuck and Walker continued bickering about how to handle me and the clusterfuck I’d made of my life, I reached for a donut. They’d shown up at my gate before six a.m., so they were damn lucky they’d brought food. I took a bite of the chocolate old fashioned. The taste barely registered.

“Well?”

I turned my attention from the pastry back to the guys at the sound of Tuck’s question. “Well, what?”

He groaned. “Are you going to fix this? Jensen came home last night and wouldn’t stop talking about it. One minute, she was bitching about you being an asshole. The next, she was worried about your heart. I don’t like my woman upset, Cain. You need to fix this.”

My lips gave the barest flicker of a twitch. The man who couldn’t get enough of different women was now fully dedicated to one. I was happy for him. I rubbed a spot on my chest where the slightest twinge had made itself known. Okay, maybe I was a little jealous, too. That sensation grew as Kennedy’s face flashed in my mind. I hadn’t slept more than a fitful hour or two last night, questions running through my head.Is she okay? Crying? Can she sleep? Will she try to make eggs without me in the morning?It was endless.

I set my donut down on a plate. “I’m not sure it’s fixable.”

“Why the hell not?” Tuck asked.

The sweet cake turned sour in my gut. “I just…there’s too much I can’t talk about with her. And that’s not fair. She wants to know it all.”

Walker pulled out a stool at the counter and sat. “I know that it’s not easy for you to go there, but Cain, it’s one difficult conversation for a lifetime of happiness.”

But it wasn’t. The fucking cake had been evidence of that. There were a million and one things that had the potential to send me spinning back in time. Triggering memories I wanted to keep safely buried in the past. I knew what each of those things was, but no one else did. I couldn’t explain that to Walker and Tuck. They’d had their fair share of shit in their lives, but nothing that was their fault. “It’s not that simple.”

Walker sighed, setting down his mug of coffee. “I get it. You know I do.” His gaze met mine in a hard stare, but even in that, there was an edge of sympathy. “It might be the hardest thing in the fucking world. But, man, if you get even a sliver of what I have with Taylor, that battle will be more than worth it.”

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