Page 45 of Viparious

He takes a deep breath and strokes my hair as he rubs my back. I know what life is, I’m not going to succumb to the illusion again.

THIRTEEN

Inessa

My brain wakes up before my body and fucks with me, replaying the memory of how Vlad would massage my scalp. Every one of my senses is conspiring against me, I can even smell him. I hug the warmth I’m laid on closer and freeze. There shouldn’t be a hard body under me. I went to sleep in the new room I picked on Vitali’s floor, and he’s never come in unless the door is open.

I lift my head up while my eyelids unglue themselves. But the hand in my hair is real and keeping me in place.

“Go back to sleep, it’s the middle of the night.”

Vlad’s voice is soft, coaxing. But it just pisses me off and I pull on his wrist, not caring about the strands knotting around his fingers. I’ll happily have a bald spot as long as he doesn’t touch me.

Ignoring the devil looking at me like I have three heads, I swing my legs off the side of the bed. The neurotic bastard moved me in my sleep, and I hate this fucking room. I hate him. He’s never slept with me, fucked me, yes. But never slept beside me without me asking and I’m not changing that.

Straightening my spine, I focus on a spot on the door as I walk around the bed. That spot marks my sanity, it’s just behind the wood. I’m nearly in reach when a rough hand grabs my wrist. I look from his inked finger to his stupidly handsome face and my expression is blank, matching my tone.

“Take your hand off me.”

There’s no weakness in my voice despite how hard my heart is hammering and his brows come together.He’s got his wish in more ways than one, I’ll leave his life and he’ll never have to put up with my voice again.

He doesn’t say anything as he continues to assess me, and I do it back. He looks better in the six weeks since he’s been gone. Asshole. He should have come back with dark circles and a beard like he’d been in the wilderness. There’s no blood on his skin, only new injuries, and there’s a new light in his eyes. It dims the longer he stares at me, and I can feel the bitterness harden my features, aging me, and making me into someone I don’t want to be. Obviously, he would find the time to maintain his fucking image, that’s clearly more important to him than responding to me.It’s probably to makeherhappy.

He doesn’t acknowledge the literal bump between us as he looks between my eyes, examining each one individually. Whatever he’s searching for will never exist, I don’t owe him shit after abandoning me. Remaining blank, I don’t react when he strokes across my jaw, or when he tilts my face up. I’m the cold-hearted bitch everyone thinks I am, who I should have been from the beginning, but I stupidly thought our lives would be easier with some semblance of a relationship.I was wrong, horribly wrong, because it just hurts knowing what he could be while he refuses to show me an iota of respect.

My brain slows down with anger, and it takes me too long to react as he leans closer. There’s no time for my head to move and a crack pierces the air. My palm stings from the force and his head snaps to the side. There’s a red print staining his cheek as he slowly turns his head to face me. We’ve switched roles and there’s nothing but threat in my voice.

“Do not fucking touch me.”

Hurt mixes with his anger for the first time, and he wraps his hand around my throat. It’s not tight enough to hurt me or cut off my air, just holding me in place as Vlad grabs my wrists in one hand behind my back. I don’t drop my chin, he’s nothing to me and he no longer needs to fuck me, so he can keep his hands to himself.

He puts on a different front than the previous ones I’ve seen as he leans down into me. Feigned hurt, it’s all fake. From the disappointment in his eyes to the emotion in his voice.

“You’ve slapped me twice, and I have never raised my fucking hand to you.”

A bitter laugh escapes me, and my face contorts in disgust as I press my neck into his palm.

“Do it. I’d prefer you punched me in the face than put your filthy fucking lips on me.”

He’s spent the entire time I’ve known him saying my mouth is filthy, but I don’t use mine to lie. He does and that pain is worse than the physical one.The hurt morphs as he shutters his emotions, and the sinister smile doesn’t match the words that make me want to die inside.

“Did you break into my office and watch more of those videos?”

My vision blurs and I shake my head. I want to hurt him but never with anything from his childhood. My throat burns as I force the words out around the lump building in my throat.

“Not because of that. I just don’t want you to touch me. Or kiss me when all you do is lie.”

I sound weak and close my eyes, refusing see any memories play out on his features.

Hot tears burn down my cheeks and I can’t stop them. Everything is too much. I care about the neurotic fucking idiot even when I hate him. I want to take his pain away and have him do the same for me, but there’s never going to be a balance. I’ll just keep fucking convincing myself that he cares about me when he doesn’t and each time there’s proof, I’ll break, like I am now.

He lets my hands go and pulls me into his chest. I’m weak and accept his fake care as he cups my ear and threads his fingers through my hair. The pain erupts from my stomach, burning through my chest and I cry into the person who put it there. But I can’t break, my child deserves more than a wreck for their mother, and I count to a hundred to allow my breathing to come back under my control before taking a step back into the ice I don’t want to possess.

It takes longer to open my eyes and the tears are still rolling, but there’s nothing other than conviction in my voice.

“You got what you wanted. I’ll fuck off out of your life soon.”

Using his exact words feels satisfying. To see the harshness making Vlad straighten, and he finally looks down. It’s not for long, his eyes barely grazing my bump before they fix back on my face.Everyone said he would be back after two weeks, which was a lie because it’s been six weeks of me wondering if he’s dead while trying to do everything I can to give my child the life it deserves.

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