Page 57 of Viparious

“Your kid is a little dancer. You should feel her move.”

The dickhead turns despite someone literally telling him what to do. Strength fills me and raises my voice as I correct the relation.

“Mydaughter.”

I don’t look away from Vlad’s retreating back and there’s a slight pause in his steps. Not enough for it to mean anything, though. It never will be. His brother stands, kisses my head, then follows the raging prick.

Seeing him get angrier day by day in the periphery of my life hurts. There are no stupid remarks and even the air feels different when he’s around. My stupid brain keeps expecting him to turn around, to dictate that I’m his responsibility, that we both are. But the more he ignores my baby, the more my resentment grows towards him. I’d forgive him for leaving me, I don’t like it, and I will never accept it, but I’d forgive it if he did the right thing.

Every time I come here, he hides in his office like a creepy little villain. I only ever catch glimpses as he walks the same path from the front door to his office, but this is the first time he has actually come out to address anyone. He probably thought Tali had driven me home. I’m pathetic and keep staring at his office door, hoping he walks back out. Even if it was to argue with me, I’d accept it. At least it would show some form of care. Instead, I’m left searching for him, and every morning I wake up, he haunts me. His smell lingers in the air like he’s there but he’s not. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night feeling someone else in the room, but there’s no one standing beside me, and he hasn’t laid beside me again.

The front door opens, and Viktor runs into the house to jump on the sofa beside me. He’s so excited about having a little cousin, and he hugs me. He kisses my cheek and rushes out, “I’ve got a riding lesson, but I’ll come back.”

I nod and try to ignore how tired I feel. Thankfully Dani sees it and she speaks softly so he doesn’t get offended.

“I think Inessa might want to have a nap, we’ll go see her tomorrow, okay?”

His face hardens into harsh lines, and he whips his head towards his uncle’s office door. I don’t want him to be angry at Vlad or ruin their relationship, so I soften my face as I turn his attention to me.

“We’ll have a movie night, and I’ll even get all the junk you like for your sundaes. Your room should be ready tomorrow too.”

It’s already set up, considering the furniture wasn’t moved when they left New York, but he perks up and I kiss the top of his head before he runs off to get ready for his horse riding lesson.

I hug Dani, getting ready to leave and Ana is my five-foot-nothing protector but she’s vicious and a friend, so I don’t mind. She’s talking shit with Dima, and I want to be alone, so I let her stay as I step out of the house. The dizzy spells haven’t left, and I close my eyes, breathing in fresh air as I wait for it to pass. The door is pulled open behind me and I already know the demonic presence that’s going to be behind me. He won’t say anything, and I don’t give my stupid heart a chance to build hope as I descend the steps and unlock the car.

There have been no questions about the baby despite anything I even show an interest in purchasing being delivered within twenty-four hours of me looking at it. Ana is his little spy and if I mention I want ice cream at three am, there’s a knock on the door with Dima’s miserable face holding a carton out to me.But he doesn’t actually give a fuck. Or not enough to be a father. The asshole cares but refuses to acknowledge me. That hurts more than him not giving a fuck. It shows he’s capable but it’s not enough to deem me, us, worthy of it. Cupping my bump like I can protect my daughter from my thoughts, I walk on surprisingly steady legs, and I don’t cry despite the back of my nose burning.

I turn my phone off, wanting peace, as I get in the car and throw it on the passenger seat. I don’t want to hear stories about Vlad’s psychotic behavior or to give in to temptation and ask Valentin how he is. He’s the devil, he’ll always be fine. He doesn’t experience human emotions or have a heart. He will always be fine, and I will always break.

My resolve weakens with each mile I travel. I could just call Val and make something up. They’ve already told me he’s rarely home, and I could read between the lines. Vlad doesn’t spend a single night in his own bed, he disappears, and Dima doesn’t even know where he is. Baby girl kicks me in the ribs to get my attention away from Vlad and I relax, feeling her wriggle. I won’t be my mother and talk shit about her father in front of her, but I can’t control my thoughts.

Loneliness has been my companion since childhood, and it’s colder after having a house full of people. I never felt alone living with Vlad, there was always someone there. Even if it was Viktor, and having Dani move in made it feel like there was more family. Pulling up outside my new house, there’s only reluctance to go inside. I keep my entire life contained to the top floor because the ghosts of what could have been, haunt the others.

The new flower arrangement that was delivered this morning is an eyesore when I drag myself inside. The smell of the strange-looking wildflowers makes me grimace, and I hold my hand over my face to prevent taking any of it in. There was no name when they were delivered or even a card. Vlad can’t even put his fucking initial, the bastard. Ignoring the packages on today’s list of the neurotic asshole needing to still be in control without actually being in my life, I go to the top floor and fill the tub. Relaxation, that’s what I need. Steam and things to smell nice so my nose stops tricking me into thinking Vlad’s there when I wake up.

* * *

I waketo darkness when moving my body pulls me from sleep. My senses are toying with me. It’s faint, but I can smell cardamom and sandalwood. My little wriggler is dancing on my bladder, and being seven months pregnant is taking it out of my back as I have to roll to sit up. My toes hit something that is not the fucking floor. It’s not a scream that leaves me, it’s too high pitched and I push back, swiping at my foot like I can erase the touch.

Moving further back with my heart in my throat, the lamp is turned on by my side of the bed. I didn’t touch it and I’m out of reach. I’ve never believed in ghosts, but there’s no other explanation to whatever fucking spirit is haunting me right now. I grab the closest thing to use as a weapon as I sit up on my knees and look down at the floor, expecting to see a creature climbing out from under the bed. Instead, it’s the fucking devil, and I throw what’s in my hands at his stupid fucking head.

Vlad doesn’t attempt to block the pillow and just lays flat on his back, unmoving, like this shit is normal as it bounces off his stupid fucking face.

“What the fuck are you doing? You scared the shit out of me!”

My voice is hysterical while he continues being a weird fuck and fluffing the pillow up before putting it under his head. His head moves slowly towards me with a soft smile. There’s more meaning to his low voice and the look in his eyes.

“Lost something, I was looking for it.”

He’s wearing a $50,000 suit, laid on the floor with his hands crossed behind his head, just staring at me.

I continue the strangest encounter of my life as I move closer and ask, “Did you find it?”

I’m being hypnotized and close the distance as he stares into my soul as I sit on the edge of the bed. He blows out a breath and the soft smile comes back.

“I don’t think I ever will, meelaya.”

Nodding along with him, discomfort has my muscles tensing and my mouth opening to chase away the soft Vlad.

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