Page 76 of Viparious

I burped her but she lets out a series of smaller ones as he continues massaging her. I’m failing already. I can’t even burp my own child. Tears burn the back of my eyes, and he speaks in the same soft cadence to me.

“I didn’t know shit with Vik. I honestly thought he was going to turn out feral because whatever he wanted to do, I’d let him. He spent six months not wearing shoes anywhere because he liked this cartoon about a kid who lived in the jungle.”

I smile at his honesty and ask, “How did you learn to do it all then?”

His face hardens instantly, and he takes a controlled breath. He doesn’t answer me and picks up my bag, placing it on his other shoulder, as he nods towards the door. “Come on, Tali is waiting for you guys. We can’t keep the puppy waiting.”

Val doesn’t lose the tension as we leave the hospital, and he already has the car seat set up when we reach the car. Every little twinge on Verena’s features guts me as we get in the car, and I know that it will never change for as long as I live. I always thought I’d gain more understanding regarding my parents’ attitude when I have a child, but it just makes me realize they’re pieces of shit. I couldn’t leave her or ignore her existence. I would burn the world and its entire population before I ever allowed anyone to take her from me.

His jaw is going to pop if he keeps clenching on the drive home and his knuckles aren’t fairing any better as he chokes the steering wheel. I’m sitting behind him, and all I can see are his knuckles pushing through his skin, but he isn’t speeding or driving erratically. Despite the anger coursing through him, his voice is gentle, not wanting to wake his niece.

“We set up the rooms for you. She’s got a nursery.” There’s more and he gives me a sad smile through the mirror before he hesitates, “and he’s moved, so you don’t have to see him.”

No one mentions Vlad’s name like I’ve written a rule saying he can’t be spoken about.

None of this is my first choice, I would have gone home to our room if he had given me the option nine months ago. But he didn’t, and somehow it’s stuck to me as the reason for his coldness.I won’t forgive him for abandoning my daughter. She hasn’t got any expectations of what a father should be, and I’ll make sure that asshole isn’t there to plant insecurity or doubt into her head. She has two uncles who adore her, who have already proven they will drop everything to give her what she needs, and they can fill some of the gap Vlad has left.

Pulling up to the house, Tali comes out to help me carry her inside. He’s like a child, excited about any time he gets to steal with Verena and holds her car seat so she’s facing him. Blinking awake, grumpily, she scowls at him, and he acts like it’s a wide smile, engrossed in his one-sided conversation as Dani comes to my side.

“Your uncle Val is annoying. I’d be grumpy if I had to sit around him for so long too, Veroushka.”

Her face doesn’t soften, looking more like Vlad each day.She closes one eye, dismissing the shit talk as we walk inside.

The father is nowhere in sight as we go to our floor, and the rest of his family show me the nursery they’ve created. Dani has painted a large mural on one wall to mimic a bright night with stars and the moon. Val looks proud of himself for the feeding station he’s created as he puffs out his chest.

“It’s a pain in the ass when they cry in the middle of the night. You’ll love that more than the dumbass bear Tali got.”

We keep walking through until I get to the same room that I should have shared with Vlad. It’s now mine, like it was before. The only difference is the few items that proved he was here are gone. Life with a newborn is tiring and I don’t think I slept more than an hour in the hospital. Setting Verena in her new crib, I kick everyone out.They’ll end up coming back in when she cries or fusses with Tali stealing the baby monitor and making no attempt to be discreet about it. Gratitude fills me because he’s doing it thinking I’ll sleep as I lay on the bed, facing her crib.

I can’t sleep. There’s this fear of Len coming back from the dead and finishing the job. Every time I managed to fall asleep in the hospital, I’d wake up to darkness and hear him. My dreams are plagued with images of him pouring gasoline over Verena, and I’m scared to blink as I watch her. She’ll be safer here. Val and Tali won’t allow anyone to get close to her and the house is guarded with its own private road. No one can get to her.

There are two weeks left until I need to file for divorce. All the paperwork needs to be signed again, and even with the quiet, there’s no peace. Two weeks until I have to leave this place and I’ll live in fear of Len coming back. Focusing on our future, I drag my laptop closer and search through listings. New York would be the obvious choice, but I idiotically built my life here. I can’t commute to Steorra every day with a newborn. When she starts school, I’d have to miss out on pick-ups and drop-offs. No, we’ll stay close so she can grow up with Viktor, and I refuse to have anyone who isn’t me raise my child like my parents did.

But nothing feels like home, I should have a reaction or something to stand out and imagine a future within the walls or gardens shown. But they all seem perfect for someone who isn’t me.All of the large estates are too big despite how they meet the security requirements I’ll need. One has an annex, Ana could move in and become my permanent guard to keep me company rather than protect me. It’s still too big.

My eyes snap closed when the door opens. It’s stupid but only one person would invade my space without knocking. Cardamom and sandalwood lightly perfume the air as Vlad walks in. He doesn’t say anything as he moves closer. The bed doesn’t dip as warmth ghosts over my cheek, and then my laptop is moved from underneath my limp fingers. He turns into a nosey fuck and clicks through my searches. He doesn’t believe my fake sleep, and his voice is low, being mindful of the baby.

“Why do you want to move, meelaya?” he asks.

I slowly sit up since I’ve been caught and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I won’t allow her to hear her parents’ bitter arguments even if she isn’t cognizant of the world around her and walk away, hoping he’ll follow.

There’s a delay as I push through into the hall, but he slowly emerges and closes the door silently. Frustration laces each word at his behavior as I ask, “What do you want?”

He’s ignored us both, but the neurotic dickhead suddenly wants to be in control of my fucking life. He stands opposite me at the mouth of the hallway, his office door at his back and he’s his usual calm, collected self, pissing me off further.

“I haven’t asked you for anything,” he lies like a motherfucker.

I could hit him, my hands curl into fists, itching to do it.

Taking a step closer, he muddles my senses and cups my cheek.

“Why do you want to move?”

His repeated question gets an answer and hurt coats my voice.

“You don’t want us, and I won’t teach my daughter to allow anyone to treat her like she’s a choice when she’s worth more.”

Rather than say I’m wrong, he looks at me with pride. My emotions get the better of me, hoping for a reaction as I move my head back because his touch is addictive.

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