Page 95 of Viparious

She doesn’t look at him and I sit back and rub both of their backs as I hum bayu bayushki.

Vitya is nearly two, but he’s so much bigger than Vanya. She’s still a baby, and she’s going to be sick on her first birthday. She stops crying and hugs me. Her little hand stretches out across my chest and Vitya holds it, whispering her name until she looks at him.

They both calm down once they’re holding hands and Vitya wriggles to sit on my thigh and pat her back. Kissing the top of his head, I speak softly so I don’t disturb Valyusha.

“Do you want to play with Vanya while I get your food?”

He smiles from ear to ear, showing his gappy teeth and quickly nods. “Play.”

He stands on his wobbly toddler legs without letting go of Vanya’s hand and I sit up on my knees, helping him back onto the bed, so he doesn’t hide under it again.

Vanya still coughs, but she doesn’t cry as he pats her back and helps her sit up. He points at our sleeping brother and says, “Shh, sleep Val-shh.”

He can’t say his name properly and his brows come together as he retries it.

“Val sha.”

Stroking his hair back, I kiss his forehead and give him an easier name.

“Val.”

He nods and repeats it to himself. I put the pillows around them, so they don’t fall and walk backwards out of the room to make sure they’re okay. I can’t leave the door unlocked in case Len and Anika come back but I can hear them talking to each other in baby language, so I know they’re okay.

No crying.

They’re okay. My heart is beating too fast, and I look around the hallway to make sure no one’s home before I run to the kitchen. I’m not allowed to run, it’s a weakness.

Nothing is important enough to make you run.

I make their sandwiches and ignore the way my stomach hurts as I touch the bread. My shoulders twitch and I snatch my fingers back as soon as I drop the slice on the plate.

Vitya likes cookies and I hide them in my pocket before taking the snacks I hid under the sink. No one checks there. Not when it’s my job to clean and make the food. And pay for it. The smell of it when I open the fridge to get their milk makes my stomach roll and I’m going to be sick. It smells sweet, like sugar, because of Vanya’s food. But she likes the mashed apples, and I hold the bowl away from my face to stop it making me sick as I grab everything in my arms and run back to my room.

They’re still playing with each other, and I set their food in front of them, making sure I hide the cookies, or they won’t eat. Valyusha is grumpy when he wakes up. He didn’t sleep well last night because Vanya was crying. They don’t like sleeping alone, they end up getting scared and hide under my bed so they can stay with me, even though they get upset when Vanya starts coughing.

I gently flatten my hand on his chest to wake him up. He scowls straight away at being disturbed. It melts off his face as his eyes close, falling back to sleep. Softening my voice, I rub his chest.

“Valyusha, wake up before Vitya eats all your food.”

He drops his chin to his chest and lets out a little huff before opening his eyes fully and wiping his sleep away with his fist. I sit him up slowly and straighten his clothes, then his hair. He stops rubbing his eyes and holds on to my t-shirt, pulling himself to the edge of the bed. He’s still sleepy when I wrap my arm around him and kiss the top of his head, waiting for him to wake up fully.

“You can go back to sleep after you eat.”

They have to eat now, or I won’t know if they do in the night. The fights run late, and I don’t trust Anika to do it without hurting them. The fights only last three hours at the longest, so they’ll stay asleep. All three of them move closer to me when the front door opens. The moans are loud and my I grimace at the sound.

Why can’t they fuck off? Just fucking leave and never come back. I pay for everything anyway and the babies would be okay without them. They don’t fucking do anything other than fuck each other and anyone else they can find.

I rest on my knees in front of the bed, blocking the door even though it’s locked. I quickly check it and make sure I slid the bolt across before I move their plates in front of them. Valyusha finally lets go of my t-shirt, but he doesn’t eat, being stubborn. He picks up his sandwich when I push the plate towards him with my elbow.

“You have to eat, Valyusha, then you’ll get big and strong to do whatever you want.”

He nods and his eyelids droop as he chomps, letting me feed the other two who can’t feed themselves properly. Each bite all three of them take is given with a promise.

We won’t stay here forever; they’ll have a big house instead of me locking them in a room. No one will stop them doing whatever they want. They’ll never be scared again. They won’t ever have to do what they don’t want to, and they can be whatever they want.

Vanya smiles at me and she has squashed apples on the corner of her mouth, making the other two laugh. I wipe it off with my t-shirt and she’s still smiling.

“You’re going to be a big girl soon, aren’t you?”

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