Page 35 of Vulnerate

I continue spilling every secret without the energy to keep them back as I lean into the cushions.

“I know you’re going to be pissed but I’m scared. No, that’s a lie, I’m fucking terrified.”

My eyelids get heavier, and my chin touches my chest forcing my eyes to snap open at the low question.

“Of what?”

Viktor is still asleep and my head rolls back against the sofa edge so I can continue watching him breathing. Emotion fills my voice, weaving through the cracks that have formed from lack of sleep.

“I’m like Len, I like hurting people, what if I do it to him? He’s small, so fucking small, tiny, and I don’twantto hurt him, but I know what I’m like.”

My eyes close as he whispers, “Do you know when you were Viktor’s age you kept crying in the middle of the night. You weren’t teething but you just wouldn’t stop crying, it’s when your tantrums first started. You know what that fucker did?”

I shrug and say the only thing I can think of, “Tell me to stop being weak?”

The whisper is harsher, but I don’t open my eyes. “No. He tried to put you outside because he wanted to sleep. You didn’t let go of your baby, you’ll never be him and I’ll find people for you to hurt if it becomes too much, okay?”

“I’m so tired.”

“Go to sleep I’ll watch you both,” he offers easily.

“I don’t want him to hate me, he’s all I have left of her. She’ll come back to me, and we’ll be a family.”

“Do you love her?”

“I always have since the first time I saw her. I’ve never been able to get her out of my head. She’s beautiful and kind. So kind and good that I need to have it all because I’m not.”

“Are you sure? You’re not the same age so it can fuck with your head.”

“No, I’ve always loved her. I used to watch her whenever I could. Whenever Dani needed some art shit, I’d get it so I could go to her house and just see her. I miss her, even just watching her and she’d never know I was there.”

“I know where she’s staying, go and see Carly in the morning, and I’ll pay for her to get clean.”

“I don’t want her,” I mumble and shake my head as sleep grips me.

THIRTEEN

Daniela

nine years later

Two months of being home and I keep waiting for someone to show up at my door. It doesn’t feel like home anymore, neither does tio’s. I don’t have anywhere I belong and any excitement over my first showcase is muted as I do another check of all the pieces. It’s just like a rollercoaster, excitement and fear fill me in equal parts at the thought of a Vartanov knocking on my door. They weren’t in their old house when I mustered up the courage to try to find them. The drive back from New York was the longest ninety minutes of my life because they’ve disappeared.

Repositioning my necklaces so they sit perfectly under my collar bones, I remind myself of what Daniel said before I force my way into the crowd I’ve been avoiding.

I have a home and it’s always going to be there for me.

I can fail and it’s okay because family catch you. Blowing out a breath, I keep repeating it as I walk through the gallery to the front whereEllis is stood. She’s the first professional who believed in me after a woman found my portfolio online and offered me the world to commission pieces for her. Zenith was my first client as an adult, and I wouldn’t have developed the courage to fly back if she didn’t give me the perfect excuse. My agent doesn’t take anyone’s shit, including mine, and I’m sure she would have drugged me if I turned down the casino job.

The showcase is packed full of people and Ellis lied when she said it would be casual. I’m dressed in my normal clothes while other people are in beautiful dresses. Isabella is going to be happy she was right and gloat that I didn’t listen. Seeing me fidget, Ellis comes to my side and points out the stickers under my work.

“They’re here to see the art and you’re amazing. Don’t worry, Dani.”

I try to find the confidence I had when I was younger and give her a small smile. Tali would always bolster me, make a fool of himself so no one was looking at me while Val stood at my side protectively. Getting lost in my own world is easier than focusing on people and I walk around the room examining the other displays.

My entire body freezes when I turn to make another lap. My heart is beating too fast, and Vlad is even more terrifying with age as he stands there. He looks the same and he hasn’t even aged. The only difference is that his eyes are colder.

Swallowing around my fear, I manage to choke out, “How did you find me?”

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