Page 56 of Vulnerate

There’s nothing more to give her. Dani wants me to be remorseful over something I will never regret. I want her to go back in time and never leave me. We can’t win, unless one of us gives in.I attempt to bridge the gap and give her everything I’ve found out over the years.

“She said it was planned, she was going to use Tali first and I’m glad she didn’t because it would break him not to have the happy family like he’s always wanted. I don’t remember shit, but I can tell you that if I was sober I wouldn’t have fucked her.”

A pit opens up in my stomach at the thought of not having my son and I know she’ll hate me, yet I still say, “If I knew that I would have Viktor then I would, nothing would stop me making sure he exists.”

Wherever her loud thoughts have taken her forces her to sit up, abruptly smashing me in the chin with her head as she does. Her face falls and sadness fills the room as she flattens her hands on my chest.

“You said you can’t remember.” I nod. not understanding whatever’s going on in her pretty little head.

The slow voice comes out again, almost as though she’s afraid of saying the words aloud. “Did she… take advantage of you?”

I try to keep my laugh in as I hold her thighs. The only thing Carly ever took advantage of was a dealers tab, she couldn’t have overpowered me sober never mind on whatever she was on that night.I’m at peace for the first time since Dani left, and I can’t lose her. My voice comes out too low hoping she stays and actually understands as I ask, “You going to hate me for the truth?”

She’s too good and honest, refusing to lie to me.

“It depends, if the truth was that you planned to hurt me then you’ll have got what you wanted.”

I never planned any of this shit. Even now there’s been no forethought, I just do shit and fuck the consequences when they reveal themselves.Holding her face in both hands, I pull her closer so she can see my conviction if hearing it doesn’t work.

“You were the only thing I wanted, and I never would have hurt you.”

She believes me and it does fuck all to fix anything. “But you did.”

She deflates with those three words and lays back on my chest. I rest my cheek on her crown and agree.

“But I did, and I’ll never regret it because I wouldn’t have my son otherwise.”

It’s the only mature thought I’ve ever had. In everything else I can be impulsive, reckless, selfish, and conceited. But not this, not with him.

She wraps one arm around my shoulder and stretches her other hand up to cup my face. The gentle heartbreak has me tightening my arms around her.

“I’ll give you tonight, for your truce.”

Kissing the top of her head in gratitude, I slide her off me and play the song from my dream as I hold my hand out to her. She gives me a watery laugh and wipes under her eyes before taking it.

I hold her waist, gently swaying like I promised to years ago and she loosely threads her fingers together at my nape. There’s more meaning to the title of song as she looks up at me saying it on a whisper, “This Magic Moment.”

Brushing my nose against hers, I nod and push away thoughts of tomorrow when she’ll no longer be here.

“It’s not a dress but you can still keep it.”

I don’t know if she remembers my dream, it’s never left my mind since I was fourteen. The thought of this woman being mine, my wife and everything that I need, has always been there like a phantom, haunting me and comforting me in equal measure.

She softens and lets out a shaky breath. “I’ll lie to us both one last time.” Pressing a chaste kiss to my lips, tears line her lashes as she wrecks us with a whisper, “I still love you, and I’ll never stop.”

I pick her up, so we’re eye to eye, and my arms don’t move from the back of her thighs to allow her to wrap her legs around me. My sweet Dani has gentle hands and doesn’t let go of me as I pass every lie and truth directly into her.

TWENTY-TWO

Daniela

One night to forget everything and give us an ending when we never really began is all we can have. One night where my sister isn’t a rapist, or the mother of his child. One night where there have been no lies or plotting for other peoples greed.

Val gently sets me back on my feet as the song comes to an end. I hold on to him as it restarts, and I tighten my arms around his neck to stop him from moving away. The slow swaying starts again, and he smiles against me before pulling me closer. His promise is loud in my memory –we’ll have our first dance away from everyone else with the taste of champagne and cake on our lips. Reality has made it our first and last with pain and regret on our tongues as he softly kisses me.He has blood on his t-shirt and the skin over his knuckles is split.

I stroke down his chest and my fingers slowly undo each of buttons until I can feel the warmth of his chest without a barrier. As soon as I touch his bare skin, he holds my hips, walking me backwards towards the bed. There’s no rushed movements and our lips are still sealed together, refusing to break the truce we’ve found. Trailing his fingersdown until he reaches the hem of the t-shirt covering me, he strokes up my thighs, pulling it up until he reaches my ribs.

He doesn’t rip it off me and kisses down my neck as more of my body is slowly uncovered. He leans down pressing an open mouthed kiss to my chest and my arms automatically go up to allow him to get rid of the useless fabric. With the lights and his position, he can see my ribs clearly and softly falls to his knees, tracing the script with his finger.

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