Page 113 of Volatile

My arm still aches now with the memory of it, and I wish I left Val to hold them both. Vitali doesn’t turn to look at me as we get closer to home, his smile is out in full effect and the light is back in his voice as he sing-songs, “You didn’t say no. I knew you wanted to marry me.”

He’s brainwashing me, that has to be the reason for the reduced discomfort at the thought. He doesn’t allow me to say no and speeds down the private road leading to the house.

“It’s okay. sweetness, I’d marry me too. You’re lucky that you can do it, really, imagine how many people wish they could be in your position.”

I open the window and my voice is monotonous as I say, “Just to let some of your ego out before it chokes me.”

“Malysh,” he drops his head to the side so his cheek is resting on his shoulder, “we both know you love choking on me.”

The guards come into view, and I pull my hand back so they don’t see. He loses all of his playfulness and comes to an abrupt stop at the gates, rolling down the window fully, and his voice is harsh as he asks, “Do you have a comment about my woman?”

The guard loses all color and quickly shakes his head while I sink inside myself.

“Good. Keep it that way and spread it between yourselves that from now on no one even looks in Anastasia’s direction or I’ll have to rotate you all again. Just like I had to after the conversation one of you had with my brother.”

Tali drives off and stops closer to the front doors than he usually does and I ignore him as I get out. The rumors will only intensify now that he’s decided to voice his claim and he’s already getting shit for killing Borya. It’s as though he does this shit on purpose, and he has no care for his own reputation. Everyone in the Bratva talks shit about him not being Vor like he’s lesser than his brothers, and now he’s gone and tied a fucking noose around his neck.

No one is downstairs as I enter the house and I’m faster than him as I take the stairs two at a time. When we’re away from everyone else it’s easier and I don’t feel the need to hide. There’s no blood on my skin but I walk straight into the bathroom and kick my shoes off in the closet.

There’s a different level of comfort when someone knows all the worst parts about you but they look at you with the same awe as a sunrise. And it’s even better when it’s Vitali. He doesn’t have anything but warmth in his hands as he pulls me away from the bathroom; his eyes are brighter, the icy swirls of blue contrast against the dark edges as he stares down at me and forces me to walk.

His lips are on mine and the joking words from the middle of the forest are about to come true as he grabs my hips and walks into the bedroom. My calves touch the mattress and my body floats down until he’s leaning over me. I’m breathless from the urgency of his kiss and he leans over me with his forearms pressed beside my head.

“Hi, sweetness, ready to admit you’re mine?”

I’m having deja vu with the repeated topic.

I shuffle back so he can take the weight off his leg and stroke across his shoulders. “Let me read the terms and conditions first.”

A laugh blows across my lips and he dips down, lowering with one knee between my thighs. The intensity of his eyes and speech make me stop breathing as he says, “You get to be whoever you want, and I get to have you forever, I get to love you and protect you.”

My brain stutters to a stop at what he tried to slip past me sandwiched in his usual bullshit. Love. We don’t use big words like that.

He didn’t say he loves me.

I get to love you.

As though it’s a privilege and not a burden.

Wrapping my legs around his waist, I grab his nape and pull him closer. Our mouths are better suited for this. There’s no words that can leave, but he haunts me, I’m sure he’s moving his lips in the same pattern as those five words and then his tongue joins in, trying to pass me it and sink deeper into me.

I push against his shoulders, so our positions are reversed, and he lets me pin his hands down as he thrusts his hips up, playfully bucking me. A moan breaks our mouths apart and the chatterbox says, “What do you need, sweetness?”

You.

It’s my first thought.

Rather than answer, I kiss down his neck and pull at his T-shirt until it’s off.

First thought, best thought.

It’s plaguing me. My mind won’t shut the fuck up remembering that the first thought you have is the only one free of self-doubt. It’s instinctual trust, in myself and what I know. The second thought holds experience, the words of other people. I don’t need to doubt myself when there’s always been a steady stream of it directed at me.

The thoughts are knocked out of me as I’m roughly flipped on to my back and Vitali grabs both of my wrists in one hand. Pinning them above my head, he grinds into me and wraps his free hand around my neck as he asks, “You need to forget?”

My voice is too quiet and too honest as I nod, “Everything but you.”

He reacts as though I’ve said three very different words and robs me of air. Getting lost in him becomes the only destination I want to achieve as he kisses me like he needs me to exist.

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