Page 92 of Volatile

I know I have some gaps in my memory, but I’ve never heard the name before and ask, “Who’s Rowan?”

She looks at me and the demons in her eyes are terrifying, even to me, as she says, “The woman works for him. He was going to take you to his Dollhouse.” Her lips twist to the side and she swipes at her arms as though there are bugs on her skin. “He doesn’t like me.”

She sounds so young, and I don’t want to know but I have to. My throat constricts, slowing my speech and lowering my voice to a whisper. “What did he do?”

She shakes her head and, for the first time in her life, she keeps something about herself a secret instead of blurting it out with no emotion. There’s no monotonous recounting of her horrible life, she ignores my question and says, “It’s good that you got away and Stasi will be happy again.”

A pair of boots thud down the path and I don’t have the will to turn my head to see who it is. All I can focus on is the one person who has never batted an eyelid about the horrors of her life, now refusing to tell me if, in some fucked-up way, Stasi and I are currently experiencing the lesser of two evils.

When the chains against the stable door rattle, a phantom drill joins it, and my knee throbs with the memory, but it’s not the fucker who went through my kneecap staring down at me. This one is worse; emotion is on his face and Dima is ready to murder me.He grits his teeth, his nostrils flaring, and venom directed at me as he says to his wife, “Go inside, lisichka.”

He makes it one step before Vanya jumps up, blocking his path and he’s a different fucking person while she continues to protect me.

“No one is hurting Tali, he’s in pain.”

Why the fuck is she defending me? I was a cunt and from the state of my knuckles, I did more than run my mouth. I got what I wanted with the dull ache behind my ribs, yet it’s only added more shit to my head that I don’t want to fucking deal with.

I stare up at the ceiling while he softens his voice. “Go inside for me, you’re not going to be around his shit.”

He doesn’t match the person who half raised me, but Vanya keeps speaking in favor of me when he’s right. “No. He’s nice, it’s not his fault and he didn’t mean to hit me.”

Fuck. I hit her? I hit my own fucking niece. It doesn’t mean shit that she’s full on crazy and has issues. Or that she can fight of her accord. The missing part of our family that I always felt, that I fucking searched for, was hurtby me.

The cool trough burns against my heated skin as my head drops back and I agree with Dima kicking the shit out of me.

“You can go, I deserve it.”

I hit my niece, a girl. Just like that cunt who gave me his DNA, I was another hand that hurt her when I was supposed to protect her. Before I knew she was one of us, when she was just Ana, I was protective over her, I wouldn’t even allow Val to give her shit and both of my parents are going to kill me. Vlad won’t allow me to live for hitting his daughter and Dima is definitely going to kill me when she leaves.

Physical pain is easier to deal with. I can see a bruise or a cut, watch it heal and know each stage is getting closer to the point I’ll overcome it. This shit in my head is a cyclone of every emotion a person can possess. My fingers tingle, the sensation moves down my arm with it being attached to the bar for so long, but I can’t stop it. The numb is slowly settling in. Unmedicated numb.The worst kind to exist.

THIRTY-FOUR

Anastasia

I’m avoiding confrontation that’s not even going to be directed at me by hiding in Vitali’s room. I don’t think he saw anyone as he fought and goaded them to hit him back, but I don’t belong here, and this is a good place to hide.

He has everything anyone could possibly want, and the door opens with someone’s latest attempt at trying to make me comfortable. I expect it to be an adult and have to lower my gaze as Viktor pokes his head through the door, giving me a tight-lipped smile.

“My mom said you have to eat something.”

Dani has a softer approach and is sneaky since she’s sending a child, at least Inessa hasn’t followed through on her threat to pin me down and spit in my mouth like a mama bird.

I swing my legs off the bed before they physically drag me out and force my feet to move. Between Dani and Inessa, I haven’t been left alone. I can’t look at Vanya after hearing the shouting and seeing Vitali smack her in the face. She’s a psycho, but she doesn’t deserve more pain in her life and she’s the only person that kept him alive as Vlad was content on killing him. The guilt over his actions bears down on me, and I don’t let my chin touch my chest like it wants to as I follow Viktor. He stops at the top of the stairs and lowers his voice, being nosey.

“What did Tali do?”

I shrug and walk ahead of him. “No idea, ask your dad.”

He doesn’t buy my deflection and shows his deduction skills.

“My dad said he didn’t do anything, but he must’ve because they locked him up.”

The first part of his sentence settles me, and the last part has my blood boiling. He’s not a fucking dog to be locked away.

“It can’t be over nothing because I locked Dom in the bathroom for annoying me and my dad gave me a big speech about how I have to be nice to him because he’s my little brother.”

I hum so he knows I’m listening.

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