Page 24 of Knot Enough

“For what?” I asked, perplexed by what she should be thankful for.

“For not moving your hands. I like kissing. I always have, but I rarely got to do it with partners.” She admitted, looking away from me. I moved her chin slightly to get her attention.

“Did someone try to force you? Was it your previous pack?” I questioned. If her previous pack had done something to her, there would be hell to pay. She stiffened and looked away.

“No, yes? It was nothing more than slight touching, but I also just never trusted anyone to not do something I didn’t want. Gabriel is the exception, but I always felt like if I had tried to make out with him, I’d be too much to handle.” She explained. I could see her reasoning. I may never fully understand what she goes through, but I can certainly understand being worried about asking too much from a partner only for them to think you're too much. Hell will come to her previous pack for doing the thing they did to her, but there was no need to ruin the moment with my rage. Instead I wanted to show her she wasn’t alone in her fear.

“I’m afraid of rain and small spaces,” I admitted. I didn't want to talk about this part of me, but I wouldn’t let her be the only one making a confession. Her eyes were wide in realization.

“Is that why you always drive a motorcycle? Is it because you are afraid of being in a car?” She asked. I nodded, turning onto my back.

“When I was a teenager, I would deliver papers for my neighborhood. Our town was so small we didn’t have the money for a proper mailman. Well, I had this radio my mom bought me. She wanted me to use it. She used the bonus from her end-of-the-year check to buy it for me. One week during tornado season, my radio disappeared.” I said, only stopping when I heard her breathe in a gasp. Horror filled her eyes.

“I didn’t know then, but the bully who would regularly attack Graham, Sorren, and me had taken my radio. I was too ashamed to tell my mom, so I delivered papers without her knowing about the radio. One day, it was really cloudy. I thought it would be light rain, but the longer I delivered papers, the worse the rain got. I realized I needed to find cover once I saw a branch fly across the street. I managed to find a small drain pipe that was lifted a couple inches off the ground so the water wouldn’t get into it. I squeezed myself in it and waited for the storm to pass.” I took a breath. This part of the story was easy. I have repeated it thousands of times before, but the part after was always the hardest to admit. Lydia clasped my hand and gave me a supportive nod. I nodded back at her, thanking her for the support.

“I felt scared and trapped in the pipe. I had no idea if I was going to live to see my mom. I imagined the looks of devastation on Graham and Sorren’s faces. Those three were all I could think about while I waited for the storm to pass. To this day, I can’t be in small spaces. My brain remembers the smell ofearth and water dripping on my face.” I finished. I swallowed the ball of nerves threatening to overwhelm me. Lydia moved and placed her finger on my chest, making soft circles.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” She responded. I grabbed one of her hands and kissed it lightly.

“I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. It wasn’t all bad. As soon as the storm passed, Graham and Sorren, with dirt and debris covering them, managed to find me. My mom had called them asking where I was, and as soon as it was safe enough, they left to come find me.” I chuckled at the memory of Graham and Sorren. They were soiled with mud, sticks and leaves hanging from their hair.

“I’m glad they found you.” She mumbled, yawning loudly. I grinned at her when she rolled to my side and placed her head on my shoulder. One of her arms wrapped around my stomach.

“Go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up,” I whispered and kissed her forehead lightly. We stayed that way, cuddling beside each other all morning until Gabriel came and woke us up.

Chapter 13

Lydia

I felt my body being rocked lightly. I rubbed my head against my pillow, enjoying its softness. It smelled just like bubblegum, just like Finn.

“Five more minutes,” I grumbled, pulling the blanket over my head. The unidentified person rocked me harder.

“Come on, Lydia! Graham promised to take us to the beach. Everyone’s waiting for you and Finn to get up.” Gabriel whined from above me. I growled and moved my head to nestle against Finn.I’d rather stay in bed.

“Finn! Stop watching and help me out!” Gabriel continued to whine. I growled again, wanting him to quiet down. I felt Finn’s chest rumble as he laughed. I didn’t think anything of it till the warm body next to me moved away. I whined and reached out to stop him from moving. Finn was too quick as he walked off to the shower. I narrowed my eyes open to find Gabriel watching him with interest.

“You can join him if you want,” I mumbled, tucking my head back under the blanket. I was awake now, but I still didn’t want to move.

“And leave you to go back to sleep, no way,” Gabriel responded. I felt the mattress move as Gabriel shuffled around. Before I knew it, two hands were lifting me out of bed, with the blanket still around me.

“If you don’t want to move, I’ll just take you with me,” Gabriel declared, turning to walk out the door.

“Fine, I’ll get up,” I complained. Gabriel narrowed his eyebrows in disbelief. I rolled my eyes and motioned for him to put me down. Once my feet were on solid ground, I removed Finn’s blanket and placed it back on the bed. Gabriel followed me out of the room and into ours. I grabbed a simple blue bikini, a top, and shorts to put over it. Gabriel turned away while I got dressed. Gabriel and I had a conversation early on in our courting about my limits on nudity. I was fine in my underwear and being around him, but anything more than that felt uncomfortable for me. He still liked to give me space when I dressed and undressed though.

“Let’s go,” I grunted. Gabriel popped off the bed in his excitement and took my hand. He dragged me down the steps to join the others. Finn still wasn’t there, but Graham and Sorren sat by the counter drinking from theirrespective mugs. Both sets of eyes brightened at Gabriel and I’s arrival. Sorren placed his mug down and rushed towards me. He pulled me close to him, leaning down to kiss me. It was a light good morning kiss, but even that had my face tinting slightly.

“Good morning, pretty. I see you slipped away this morning to rendezvous with Finn in his bed. Should I be jealous?” Sorren joked. He nibbled at my shoulder, playful. I giggled at the feeling.

“Maybe, you going to try and steal me away next?” I teased. Sorren gave me a devious look.

“If that’s what it takes to get you in bed, then that's my guess.” He admitted. I giggled again before Sorren finally pulled away to kiss Gabriel. Finn appeared in the kitchen a few minutes later with new clothes on. Sorren, Graham, and Finn grabbed the remaining things we needed for our trip before we headed out. Finn got on his motorcycle and left before us while Graham and Sorren ensured we were safe and buckled in. It was a short trip to the beach. The drive was only about five minutes long.

The alphas unloaded all of our supplies while Gabriel and I picked a spot to put everything. We chose a place on the sand that was a reasonable distance from the sea and had a decent view of the volleyball net in case we wanted to play. Sorren used the excuse of needing to help us with our sunscreen to touch us. He and Gabriel were nearly making out by the time they were done.

Still feeling drowsy from being woken up this morning, I decided to relax with Graham by our stuff while Gabriel, Sorren, and Finn swam in the water. Since Graham and I had our conversation while the other three went to the bowling alley, I found being around him much easier. I still had difficulty figuring out what he was thinking sometimes, but I loved that he always managed to get close to me. He was either tracing circles on my shoulder, putting me in his lap, or cuddling with me in the nest. I started to enjoy his companionship and missed it when he was gone.

The downtime had me thinking about things I’ve been trying to ignore. Gabriel’s and my heats were coming up. I’ve noticed I’ve been sleeping more lately, which usually signaled to me my heat was coming. I was worried, to say the least. Our heats never aligned when it was just Gabriel and me, but I’m sure now that we were in the same place as three compatible alphas we would align soon. That thought spooked me. Alphas tended to put all their focus on their scent-matched omegas during their heat, but what about ours? Would they ignore me and care for Gabriel? I would never want Gabriel to suffer or not have the heat he deserved, but where would that leave me? My heat didn’t need to be managed by knots and sex. Would they place me in a guest bedroom so they could ride Gabriel’s off without me? I needed to stop this line of thinking before Gabriel or Graham noticed my worry.

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