Page 3 of Knot Enough

"Are you serious right now? We talked about this, and you said you were okay with it. Don't tell me you were lying, hoping I would change my mind." I hoped I was wrong, but that died when I saw all of them avoid my eyes. My body went loose from the realization. They were hoping I'd have sex with them. That I'd change my mind. That I’d change who I was.

"Get out," I said, my voice surprised by how cold it sounded.

"Lydia-" Brett started.

"Get out!" I repeated, pointing to the door. For a second, I thought they wouldn't do what I said, but after what felt like forever, they finally left.

Quack, Quack, Quack

My body felt clammy. I could feel sweat pouring down my back. I quickly turned off my phone before I finally broke and started to sob. The memories of spending my heat alone flooded my mind. My loneliness, sadness, and anger consumed my thoughts. . Every day, every night, my dreams are filled with them. I'm reminded every day of how I wasn't wanted and how I felt during the most critical time of my life. What's the point of this? I won't be happy again? My happy ending isn't coming. No one wants an omega like me. I'll never be wanted or loved. I'll be alone forever. Dammit, I don't want to be alone.

I looked down at my hands. They're skinnier than what they used to be. Everything felt numb and dull. An idea sprouted in my head. This would stop the hurting, the pain, the loneliness. Going into the kitchen, I grabbed a wooden spatula and headed to the bathroom, where the mirror was.If they really wanted to keep us safe, they would switch the glass out for plastic.Taking the thinner edge of the spatula, I hit the mirror between the metal bars. It took a few tries, but eventually, the glass broke. A large piece fell between the bars and into the sink. Perfect. I took a deep breath, ignoring what sounded like footsteps coming from further into the dorm. It was probably nothing.

If I remember correctly, I need to start a warm bath for this to be fatal. Would a shower work? I didn't feel like taking off my clothes as I took the piece of glass with me. I turned towards the bath and shower and switched the hot water on. I watched the water drizzle into the tub. The next step was to actually cut my hands. That one book said that I would need to cut along the road instead of across. I didn't like pain, but if I did this right, I wouldn't feel anything more. I pointed the jagged edge to my wrist.

"Hey, anyone in here! I hope I'm not interrupting while you're bathing, but Jessica said I could come in." A male voice yelled from the other side of the door. Before I had a chance to hide what I was doing, the door opened to reveal a fluffy-headed man. He stopped when he noticed me sitting on the toilet lip. He glanced from my face to the glass in my wrist. I expected him to be mad, to yell, but instead, he just smiled. That's when I realized I had met this man before.

"Wanna watch a movie and eat a busload of popcorn and maybe something sweet and unhealthy with me?" he asked, stepping up to me and gripping the glass away from my wrist. He slowly released my fingers from the shard until it was in his hand, not mine. He looked at it and smiled back at me. "We won't be needing this." He looked at the mirror and quickly said, " We'll get someone to replace that."

I later learned that man was named Gabriel, and he would quickly become the most essential part of my life.

Chapter 1

Lydia

Present

A twirl there, a smile here. I try not to roll my eyes at several pompous alphas presenting themselves to naive omegas like male peacocks. Most of the time, I felt the institute didn’t organize these parties to help omegas and Alphas find their scent matches, but to help their wealthier clients compete in prized monetary matches. I hated feeling like the trophy cattle at an auction, but Gabriel insists on coming to these parties, and I’m not one to refuse him.

Gabriel was certain that a pack would be good for us. That we would have partners who would love and care for us both. It was his dream to find his scent matches, the people whose existence calls to an omega’s heart, body and soul. Gabriel and I were chosen mates or just mates, our scents didn’t call to each other like a scent match, but the love we shared was still just as strong as any scent matches, I hoped.

Going to these events was the least I could do for him. For the first few months of his time at the institution, he stayed with me instead of going out and meeting potential packs. At first, I was unsure of this strange omega who barged into my room. He made it a point to come visit me every day or spend the night. He was there when the nightmares of my rejected pack haunted me. Over time, I started to see this omega as not only my closest friend, but my lover, as well. He forced out the darkness and nightmares with the light he brought to my life. I didn’t know where Brett, Connor, or Logan went after I threw them out of the house. When my heat ended, I immediately packed my things and stayed with Corretta for a few days before returning to the Omega Institute.

“See anyone you like?” I asked as the man in question moved me into a twirl in the middle of the dance floor. Gabriel’s determined to find a pack for both of us, but more often than not, he finds one-night stands. No commitment, rejection, or loss. I felt relieved when he would come home and shake his head. I hated the look in his eyes every time he returned and he hadn’t found his scent matches, but it scared me to death thinking of the other option. Pushing away those thoughts, I focused on enjoying this dance with my chosen mate.

Gabriel’s bright green eyes scanned the room around us as we moved into the next steps of the waltz. Some days, I feel like I could lose myself in how beautiful his eyes are. The closer you get to him, the more you notice the yellow flakes in their depths despite how green they are. Gabriel’s eyes were like emerald jewels topped with curly dark brown hair on a face that looked more boyish than a man's. We were both in our 20s, still young for unbonded omegas, but the institute cancels enrollment in their scent-matching program at the age of 25. We had time, but the deadline was not getting any further.

“Not yet-.” Gabriel started to say before I saw his eyes widen in interest. I smirked at his reaction. He’s never been one to hide his emotions. I’ve never wanted him to, either. Gabriel noticed that I caught his expression and twirled me around to get a glimpse of what he saw.

Three equally handsome men stood in the corner of the ballroom the institute rented out for the event. The tallest had a closed expression, giving nothing away, looking around the room with a quiet smile. Something inside me felt nervous at the thought of those pale blue eyes possibly landing on me. The second man was the shortest with dark brown eyes and looked bored as he stared at the empty glass in his hand, but I didn’t miss the slightest glimpse of tattoos poking out of the collar of his shirt. The last man was the second tallest, and he excitedly looked at any omegas who passed by him or his pack. I thought it was funny how his face would drop any time one wouldn’t give him the time of day. He did give off a nerdish vibe with his lean and skinny build and sandy brown hair. They didn’t look out of place in the event, but I could tell they’d rather be elsewhere. Their eyes scanned the room like they were looking for something or someone, which wasn’t a surprise given the objective of this party.

“What do you think about playing a little game with them?” I whispered the question in Gabriel's ear. It could calm my nerves and anxiety if I considered these encounters games. Tonight was like any other. He’d spend the night with them, I’d go home, and he’d return the morning after. Tonight was like any other night, I repeated. He grinned in excitement as he rubbed his head against my chin to scent mark me.

“Do you even have to ask?” Gabriel replied, turning me loose from the dance. Gabriel and I loved a good game to entertain us at these parties, especially when there were prime alpha prospects to use as playmates. I think the danger of getting Alphas involved is one of the biggest turns-on for Gabriel. I asked a passing waiter for a napkin and a pen. I headed to a nearby table and scribbled words on the paper. I rubbed my chin against the paper to leave Gabriel's scent on it. I took a special medication to prevent my heat, and one of the side effects was that my scent wasn’t detectable to alphas and other omegas, so Gabriel’s would have to represent both of us. Feeling satisfied with my work, I folded the paper and started toward the three men Gabriel spotted.

As I approached, all three of the Alphas turned their attention to me. I ignored the pool of nervousness in my belly as I got closer to them. The Alpha that had his eyes on his empty glass now had his dark brown eyes on me.They reminded me of coffee. The last Alpha stared directly at me with growing excitement as I approached. I stopped once I got around 10 feet in front of them. I watched all three try to subtly inspect me and fail. I secretly preened at the attention, which confused me since I don’t usually approve of anyone except Gabriel checking me out.

“Wanna play a game?” I asked excitedly as their eyes switched from my body to my face. The Alpha with the sandy brown hair playfully smiled at me.

“Was that a reference?” The nerdy-looking Alpha asked. It took me a moment to realize what he meant. When I did, I laughed.

“I could say it was, but I’d be lying. You didn’t answer my question.” I reminded them. It was odd I was this calm around Alphas, but this one seemed to have an unusual effect on me.

“What do you have in mind?” he asked, licking his lips. My grin widens in excitement as I hand him the paper. I played every bit of the flirtatious omega looking for a good time. This part was easy; getting attached and invested was the hard part.

“You can start in five minutes,” I say as I walk away. The napkin had all the information they needed to participate in the game. Once I exited the ballroom on the fastest walk I could manage, I glanced at a clock in the hallway. Three minutes had been wasted just getting out of the ballroom. Cursing under my breath, I lifted my ball gown off the floor and sprinted to the room Gabriel and I shared in the building. Since Gabriel and I were bonded, we were given our own space at events for privacy.

I was out of breath by the time I reached the room. Turning the doorknob quickly, I stepped in, purposely leaving the door unlocked. I headed towards the large closet against one of the walls, opening the door to find Gabriel huddled in the bottom. There was just enough space for both of us if we cuddled. We giggled at each other as I made myself comfortable in the small space with him. I ended up between his legs, leaning on his chest. I could hear our hearts beating wildly and our breaths mixing. Gabriel’s scent filled the closet, vanilla and freshly baked bread. His scent always made me crave the pastries from our local bakery. Some of me wished I could smell mine and his scented mix together, but that thought was quickly forgotten when we heard a noise coming from outside the door.

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