Page 75 of Under Pink Skies

I was going to barge into Connor’s cabin and say what? I’m sorry I’m an idiot? I love you and I never stopped? I need you to stay with me because I don’t know how to walk this path without you?

I couldn’t say any of that. I needed to get this right. Because this timeIhad been the one to leave. Instead of fixing this like I was used to fixing everything else, I needed to show up.

There was one person I needed to talk to first.

Chapter 29

Connor

“Whatareyoudoing?”Kameron asked.

It was later in the day. The three of us had spent the better part of the afternoon on the back porch of the cabin, cracking jokes and just existing. Once we were back at Winding Road, it’d be all hands on deck. The new cohort would arrive in the next few days, and we needed to make sure we were in the right headspace to guide them.

I had just finished packing up the random assortment of crap I’d left in the kitchen before I spent the night at Abbie’s house. I grabbed my duffle bag and strode for the bedroom.

“I’m packing up my crap so I can head back with you and Lucas.”

“What happened to needing a few days to tie up loose ends?”

My chest tightened, and I tried to play it off with a shrug.

“I’m getting ready to do my job,” I said, shoving the last pair of shorts into my duffle bag. I headed into the bathroom to continue clearing my belongings. “At the hospital, she told me she couldn’t do this, referring to our relationship that isn’t a relationship.”

“Have you perhaps considered that history might repeat itself?” Kameron asked, and I groaned.

“Drop it, Kam.”

“No,” Kameron said firmly. “You left her all those years ago because you couldn’t sort your shit out. Correct?”

I sighed warily. I could see where he was going with this, and I didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it.

“Yes,” I bit out. There was no sense in lying now.

“So what if she’s doing the same thing?”

I grimaced.

“Hear me out,” Kam said quickly, sensing that I was about to tune him out completely. “I don’t think she’s doing it intentionally. But from the outside looking in, it sounds a lot like she feels completely undeserving of you and the beautiful life the two of you might have together. That fear is crippling her to where it was easier to rip her own heart out—and by extension, yours. There’s a lot of crap going on right now. Her dad was in a terrible accident, and he’s at a crossroads with his addiction. She probably has freaking whiplash from everything that’s happened in the last few weeks.”

“What did we say about psychologizing each other’s partners?”

“It was merely an observation. What exactly did she say when you asked if she no longer wanted you?”

“She said she needed space,” I gestured between me and an invisible Abbie.

“So, she didn’t say she doesn’t want you. She said she needs space, and you interpreted that as her telling you to get lost. She just went through something traumatic, Connor. Traumatized people often think in shorter terms. I’m willing to bet she didn’t mean she wanted you gone. You know her better than I do, but she looks at you like you hung the freaking moon. I don’t believe that she no longer wants you in her life. She’sscared,and I don’t think it has anything to do with you. It’s about the sins of your pasts or whatever. Look,” Kam said, letting out a frustrated sigh. “What I’m trying to say is that she loves you, Connor. It’s plain as day that the two of you care about one another. Maybe what you both need is a clean slate.”

“I can’t wipe away our history, Kam. Maybe that would make things easier, but honestly, I don’t want to. I’ve felt more myself these last few weeks than I think I ever have.” I sighed, rubbing a hand down my face. “I told her to call me. Whenever she’s ready to talk, I’ll be there. And if she never wants to see me again, I’ll respect that, and I’ll find a way to be okay with a life where Abbie Collins doesn’t exist to me at all.”

“Abbie won’t do that. She’s overwhelmed, she’s scared, and all of those long-buried fears of abandonment and her one remaining parent dying are circumventing everything else in her brain. She needs some space, and she needs some time. But what she doesn’t need is to come home to an empty apartment.”

“What are you asking me to do?”

“I’m telling you, for the second time in your life, to get your crap together and show up. There’s a fine line to walk between giving the people we love space and also holding them accountable when they do stupid shit. Stick around.Show up. You’ve never been the man to back down from a fight. Don’t start now.”

I promised myself there would be no more running. I promised Abbie there would be no more running. And I’d be damned if I broke another promise to the woman I loved. I would be there for her when she was ready. I’d go back to Winding Road, but I’d make it clear the door was open.

There was one more thing I needed to do.

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