Page 38 of Ties That Bind Us

Nick grunted when we got inside, grabbing my hand and leading me down the hallway. He was still pissed off and had hardly said two words to me on the way home. The alcohol was wearing off and everything was converging on me at once.

Nick had every right to be upset. We had talked about all of this before, and I still let myself get out of control. I knew my limits better than most people, and if I wasn’t careful with them, I’d wind up exactly where I was a few months ago, or worse. Alcohol was a gateway for me, and sure, I’d been strong enough to deny the drugs, but I didn’t know if that would always be the case. Tonight, I had disregarded all of Nick’s concerns, and deserved his anger. I was even upset with myself, and coupled with the fact that this was the first time Nick was upset with me, my emotions were all over the place.

“You can sleep in here.” He opened the door to his bedroom, letting go of my hand. He rummaged through his drawers, an ominous glare still painted on his face, and then tossed a T-shirt to me.

“Nick, please,” I begged; the silence between us was torture. I could see how disappointed and angry he was, and it broke my heart.

He cut me off before I could finish. “Ava, you’re too drunk and emotional right now, and I’m way too fucking pissed off. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

In a brief moment of reprieve, Nick walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders, then gently pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Sleep well.”

I mustered a weak smile, irritated with myself and the situation. Nick shut the door quietly behind him, and I could hear him moving around in the living room for a little while before it finally quieted and I heard another door close.

I slipped the stupid skintight dress I had been wearing off. It reeked of cigar smoke and alcohol and all the bad decisions I had made tonight. Nick’s bed was like a cloud, but it was lonely. I hated that he was sleeping in the guest room at his own home, and that I had put us in this position. I lay awake for hours going over everything in my mind.

A part of me was angry with him for being so upset and controlling. This was my life—if I wanted to go out and have some fun with my friends, I could. The tough part, though, was that I knew he was right. I had put myself in a bad position with Jimmy, and even with Bella, because of my history. Andrew’s death had sent me into a complete tailspin and I had found myself in a few different rehab centers. Nothing worked until my dad pretty much scared me straight. When a Mafia father was pissed, it was a whole different level of fear. I think he had figured out his normal tactics of screaming and beating me weren’t working, so he resorted to something even worse. He threatened to throw me into his cell for a month until everything was out of my system and I could appreciate the life they had given me. The way he had paraded me around down there, making sure I was clear how serious he was, still gave me nightmares. All it had made me do was resent him, and I pushed back. It wasn’t until I overdosed that I realized how serious it was. I fought endlessly to get clean for myself, and was so proud of what I had accomplished. Tonight, I had come dangerously close to jeopardizing that.

I groaned, knowing I was never going to get any sleep tonight. I was mad at myself, and I felt terrible for upsetting Nick. It wasn’t just me I had to worry about now, and even though he may have overreacted, I knew he was just trying to protect me. Andrew had been the only one my entire life who protected me, and when he died, I did it for myself, not relying on anyone. It was going to take some getting used to, letting Nick take care of me like he wanted, but it would have to be give and take on both of our ends.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and threw the covers off. I didn’t care if he didn’t want to talk about it, I did.

I padded down the hallway to what I presumed was the guest room and saw a soft light peeking out from under the door. He had gone to bed hours ago; could he still be awake?

I opened the door softly without knocking, and was surprised to see Nick sitting up in the bed, completely awake, with his laptop on his lap. He looked up at me with a frown still on his face, but a softness in his eyes that hadn’t been there earlier.

“You’re awake,” I said, stuttering over the words.

“As are you,” Nick said flatly, staring at me as if he expected me to make the first move.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I whispered, tiptoeing into the room.

Nick shifted a little bit on the bed, and set his laptop to the side. “Neither could I.” A small smile tugged at his lips as he patted a spot next to him on the bed. I hurried over before he could change his mind, and sat down next to him. We sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry,” we both said at the same time.

Nick smiled and reached for my hand. “I overreacted. I’ve known Jimmy as a dealer for a long time, and when I saw you together tonight, it all came together for me. He was your supplier, wasn’t he?’

I nodded. “And my ex-boyfriend.”

“I figured as much.” Nick frowned. “Seeing you with him threw me into a jealous rage even before knowing you’d dated him, and it made me break the promise I made to you about never hurting you or treating you the way your father did. I didn’t like what you were doing, but I should have handled it better, and in the future I will. You have my word.”

I bit my lip, hardly believing that a guy like Nick really existed. He was amazing and it made me even more upset to have hurt him.

“Thank you for saying that, but I’m the one who needs to apologize. What happened tonight is exactly the kind of thing that got me in so much trouble, and I don’t want to go down that road again. I just am used to doing this on my own, you know? I don’t trust people easily and have a really terrible habit of pushing even harder when someone tries to control me. I know you’re not like my dad, you’re nothing like him. But that’s all I’m used to, so it’s going to take a little time for me to adjust.”

Nick put his arm around me, pulling me closer into him. I nestled in beside him, laying my head on his chest. “I’ll give you all the time you need. As long as you promise to give me some time to adjust too. I’m used to giving orders and people bending over backward to follow them. I don’t want that to be our relationship.”

“Neither do I,” I agreed.

“Good.” Nick kissed the top of my head.

“Does this mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”

Nick chuckled a little. “I wasn’t as mad as I was disappointed. You have to understand that as my fiancé, and eventually my wife, your safety and well being are my top concern, and tonight, you took both of those for granted. I need to know that you’re going to take care of yourself and not put yourself in bad positions when I’m not here. I mean, Jesus Christ, Jimmy Bradford? The guy is a walking danger zone. Especially when he was your supplier and you’re recovering from drug addiction.”

“I get it.” I blushed. Nick’s tone was serious, as if he was reprimanding me. It wasn’t condescending but much more professional than his usual banter.

“Do you?” He turned to me suddenly. “Ava, I know you’re an adult and you’re going to make your own choices, but you have to consider there are bigger things at play now. I’m not just talking about you partying. When you put yourself in situations like that, you’re vulnerable to all kinds of attacks. We have enemies on both sides, and I would rather die than see you hurt.”

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