Page 51 of Ties That Bind Us

I called my father.

Chapter 18

Nick

“Ava, I swear to God, I did everything I could to stop it. He was determined, and there was nothing anyone could have done, you or me.” I sighed. “At first, your dad didn’t believe me, but Andrew left him a video explaining the whole thing. After that, we stopped working together completely. There was just too much animosity. And as you can see, Vince still blames me.”

Ava hadn’t said a word since I’d started telling my story. She stared back at me so emotionlessly it was almost scary. I couldn’t tell how, or even if, she was processing this, so I just kept talking.

“When I found out you were Andrew’s sister, I never in a million years thought that you wouldn’t know. I always figured your dad would have told you, but after a little while I realized you had no idea about any of it. I’m sorry you had to find out this way, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. It’s something that haunts me every day.” My voice cracked as I said the last part. She had no idea how true that statement was. I thought of Andrew constantly. Every time I had to kill someone, I relived that entire night—that’s why it was so emotional for me.

“Nick, I—” Ava started, searching for the right words. There really weren’t any at a time like this, but I was desperate to know what was going through her head. “I just don’t even know what to say.”

“I know it’s a lot to take in.”

She reached for my hand, her touch lifting a giant weight off of my shoulders. “I’m sorry. I should have given you the opportunity to explain last night instead of running away like I did. I guess I never even considered how hard it would have been for you too.” She buried her face in her hands, heavy sobs wrenching her entire body.

“Hey.” I moved closer to her, taking both of her hands in mine so she couldn’t hide. “You have every right to be upset. I should have told you the second I knew you didn’t know. I just didn’t know how to. I was always planning on it, but I know what an awful time you had after Andrew died, I didn’t want . . .” About halfway through I realized how this was going to sound. If I told her I didn’t tell her because I was worried she was going to have a breakdown again, she would think I had no faith in her.

She understood where I was going with it anyway. “You thought I would start using again,” she said flatly. I knew it was harsh, but she couldn’t really be upset at me for thinking that. After all, that was exactly what she had done when she found out.

“I need to know how bad this is, Ava. I was honest with you about Andrew, and now I need you to be honest with me about this. You’re going to be my wife.”

“You still want to marry me?” Ava frowned, catching me completely off guard.

I was speechless for a second. Where did that even come from? “Of course I do. What would make you think I didn’t?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just thought you would want to give me back after what happened last night. How I acted.” Her face fell in defeat. I wasn’t used to this side of Ava, and it was disarming. She was usually so confident and sure of herself, but now I was seeing the side of her that had been beaten down by Alessandro for the last twenty-three years.

I scooted her chair even closer to me, and grabbed both of her hands again. “First of all, you’re not some sort of object that can be given back, so stop thinking like that. The last thing I want is for you to go back to that house. I care about you, Ava. I’m not just going to throw you to the side when you screw up. That’s not what love is. Second of all, I’m the one who should be worried about you calling off the wedding. I know this shit about Andrew is a lot to take in, and I guarantee this will not be the only thing I screw up in our life together. So I don’t expect you to just dump me to the side either.”

She chewed the side of her lip nervously, like she was about to burst into tears.

“We’re going to figure this out together—if you want to, that is.” I nodded to her ring on the counter and took it in my hand.

That was all it took. Tears streamed down her face. “Nick, of course I do. I don’t know why I did that. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I messed up, and we need to be able to hold each other accountable. Although in the future I hope you choose another method besides giving your ring to a bartender and getting high.” I smirked a little, hoping to get her to crack a smile.

It teased the corner of her lips, but she wasn’t giving in yet, still consumed by her guilt.

“I need you to explain it to me. I can’t help you if I don’t know what you’re going through,” I pressed, not letting her off the hook. We needed to talk about this no matter how hard it was.

“Nick, I promise, I’m not using again. Last night, I was . . . I got pissed off and I didn’t know what to do and I just snapped.”

“That’s the only time you’ve used in our entire relationship?” I asked.

“Yes.” She bit her lip. “The night I was out with Bella, we ran into Jimmy and he tried to get me to do it but I refused. I was so proud of myself for being strong enough to tell him no, and then I threw it all away last night.”

I steadied my breathing, trying to put myself in her shoes. I hated that she thought all of her hard work had been in vain because of one moment of weakness.

“You didn’t throw it all away, Ava. It was a mistake. A terrible mistake, but sometimes there may be bumps in the road. What matters is how you come back from it.” I paused. “How bad was it?”

A darkness came over her eyes and I could tell she didn’t want to talk to me about this.

“Bad,” she said plainly. “For several months after Andrew died, I was rarely sober. I was using constantly because it let me forget about everything else. I didn’t care about the pain or the embarrassment or what I was doing to anyone else. My dad was furious, tried everything to get me to stop.” Her eyes swarmed with painful memories.

“How did it start?” I pressed.

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