Page 83 of Ties That Bind Us

“If you tell me you aren’t using, I believe you. But you have to admit, hoarding cocaine in your jacket—the same jacket you were about to storm out of our house angry in—is a little hard to take,” he continued.

“Believe me, I know what this looks like, but I had no intention of using it. I was angry with you and leaving, you’re right, but using never even crossed my mind. It hasn’t since that night, and it’s because for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m in control of my own life. That’s because of you, and what you’ve given me. I never want to risk the life we’ve got. I love you and I can’t stand the thought of disappointing you, which is why it hurt me so badly to know you lied about Gina.” I wiped at the tears trickling down my cheek.

“Ava, I didn’t intentionally keep anything from you about Gina.” He rubbed his forehead. “Yeah, we dated, but it was ten years ago. And it didn’t last very long at all. Our families were friends, and we were always together, so it just sort of happened. And the so-called engagement she’s talking about was a complete sham. On our graduation night, I got really, really drunk and I bought her a $200 ring and asked her to come to Boston with me for school. When I sobered up and realized what I had done, I ended everything. I didn’t tell you about it because it was a stupid mistake that I made when I was a kid. But I realize I should have, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. Even if it felt meaningless to me, I realize it would have been important for me to tell you something like that. I don’t blame you for leaving, but I think we both just need to work on trusting each other a little more.” Nick wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his chest.

I should have felt comforted by his embrace, but I wasn’t. “Nick, are we crazy for thinking this could work? We’ve been married a week and we’re already not trusting each other and at each other’s throats.”

“Ava, look at me.” He put his finger to my chin and forced me to look up at him. “Do you know how much I love you?”

At first I didn’t say anything.

“Do you?” he pressed.

I nodded.

“Then I don’t want to ever hear you doubting our relationship again. We are not crazy for thinking this can work, we are doing the best we can. And it’s going to be a learning process, have you ever been married before?” He paused. “Look, there is no way for us to be good at this right off the bat. I wish I could say this will be the last time either of us has doubts or gets upset with the other, but I highly doubt it is. But that’s what loving someone is about, you work on the other things. Keep working on them until they are fixed, and you don’t run away.” He kissed my forehead. “We’ll figure this out, Ava. I promise you that.”

“I promise to work on talking things through with you instead of jumping to conclusions or running away. It’s my first instinct, it always has been. I’ve just never been in a relationship where things are handled in a healthy way. We never talked things out in my family, and it’s just taking some getting used to.”

“We’ll work on it together.” He smiled and gave me a tight hug.

We spent the rest of the night cuddled up on the couch. It wasn’t how we’d intended to spend our night, but it was lovely nonetheless. He had such a way of calming any worry or fear that I had. I would spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what I had done to deserve him. We both made a pact that night to work on trusting each other and not jump to conclusions. I knew he had never meant to hurt me by not telling me about Gina. In fact, he had been trying to protect me. And it felt great that he took my word for it about the drugs and believed me. That never would’ve happened at my house—it had always been more like guilty until proven innocent.

The next day, Nick was up before me and headed off to work. I had a doctor’s appointment and then would head into the office too. My internship was going better than I ever could have expected, and I appreciated what a blessing in disguise turning down Mr. Bradford had been. I was finally doing something I felt really good about and that I enjoyed, and the best part was, I was doing it for me and not for anyone else. It wasn’t to please my father or Nick or anyone else.

The law office was bigger than I thought, and served several areas of New York, and I was getting the opportunity to see a huge variety of cases. Sometimes I could see myself in some of the victims, and I was able to speak to them the way I wish someone had spoken to me years ago. I was able to give them the strength and faith to finally accept what was happening and heal from it, like Nick had given to me. I truly enjoyed it, and was proud of the work I was doing.

My doctor was running late, and I had to wait forty minutes once I got there. Finally, she took me back, and a nurse took all of my blood and vitals. I waited a few more minutes, and the doctor came in to see me.

“Good morning, Ava.” She smiled, washing her hands and then taking a seat in the chair.

“Hi, Dr. Chapman.” I smiled. She had been my doctor for as long as I could remember. We probably had a closer relationship than most doctors and patients because I was in here every three months to see her for my birth control shot. That’s why I was here today. I had briefly considered not getting it this time; after all, I was married and the idea of kids was starting to grow on me. I hardly recognized my thoughts, but it actually made my stomach flutter a little bit. I could only imagine how adorable a little baby boy with his father’s eyes would be. Eventually, I decided to go ahead and get it, though. It only lasted a few months, and Nick and I had a lot happening in the coming months. It wouldn’t be the worst thing to hold off a little bit longer.

“How are you doing?” Dr. Chapman asked.

“Good.” I grinned, “Great actually. I, um, Nick and I got married in Saint Lucia.” I hadn’t meant to tell her, but I’d been aching to tell someone. It was hard to keep this kind of secret to myself, even though I knew Nick was right and it was for the best.

“Ava, that’s wonderful!” She beamed and wrapped me in a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you.” I blushed. “We haven’t really told anyone yet.”

She patted my knees. “Well, your secret is safe with me.”

I smiled with relief. It felt nice to have it off my chest, even if it was just telling someone as simple as my doctor.

“So, we need to talk about why you’re here today.” She changed the subject. “The birth control shot, correct?”

“Yes.” This had been our routine for the last six years. I couldn’t take the pill because of my hormones, but she went through other options with me each time I came in. We still always settled on the shot because it was the most reliable.

Her lips formed a tight line. “Ava, when the nurse ran your blood work today, there was a little problem.”

My stomach dropped. Was there something wrong with me?

Reading my mind, Dr. Chapman continued. “Nothing is wrong, you’re totally healthy. I just can’t give you the shot today.”

I frowned. “Why not?” We had doing this for years. If everything was fine and I was healthy, what exactly did she mean by a little problem?

“Ava, you’re pregnant,” she said cautiously, waiting to gauge my reaction.

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