Page 41 of Anarchy

“Your chance to be honest has come and gone. I need to fucking think and go take care of my kids,” I hiss, opening the door and slamming it behind me. My heart is in my throat as I walk through the front of the house to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I grab a water bottle, twist the top off, then chug it, slamming the empty plastic onto the counter.

“Rough day?” Zayn says, staring at me from the back door.

“You could say that. How are the kids?” I ask as he walks in, leaning against the stove.

“They’re good. Both have been sleeping for about an hour,” he says, and I nod. “Wanna tell me why you look so pissed?” he asks, but I shake my head.

“Maybe some other time. Can you head to the warehouse to relieve Rafe? Just keep your distance from her. I don’t need to hear her mouth later if she spots you,” I plead, and he chuckles.

“Sure, no problem, Boss. I’ll head there now,” he says, taking off towards the hallway.

“Thanks man. See you later,” I say as he nods, leaving the house. I stand in the kitchen for what feels like forever. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I take it out, opening the text.

Ryder:

I’m sorry. I’ll give you the space you need, but I will be home later. I love you Reid. Don’t fucking give up on me yet.

Leaving him on read, I place the phone down and take a deep breath, hating the way I feel right now. I fucking love him just as much as I love Jade. Feeling betrayed by him is unbearable. I fucking hate it. I just hope we can get past this and the lies come to an end. He says I’m his safe place but yet he didn’t feel safe enough to confide in me.Fuck!

I just want to be happy with him and her by my side, but I won’t put up with the lies from either of them and if push comes to shove, he will leave me no choice but to walk away.

Chapter 24

Sorrys & Eye Rolling

Jade

Walking into the warehouse, I’m immediately hit with the sense of guilt and memories from last year. Opening the door, I see Jamie on his knees with his arms stretched out above him and his wrists cuffed with chains. He has his head lowered, and I don't know if he's awake. I slam the door behind me and his face shoots up to mine as our eyes collide. His eyes widen at my presence, then cast down with sadness. I approach him, but he doesn’t look up at me.

“Do you know why you’re here?” I say, and he looks up at me with tears streaming down his face.

“Princess, I’m so fucking sorry. That wasn’t me,” he says, wincing.

“So you understand why I had to do this, right?” I say, and he nods.

“I’ve always told you to take the monster down, and I was so fucking proud of you for fighting back, but fuck, Jade. I was screaming inside my own body for you,” he rasps, and I quirk a brow.

“Make me understand, Jamie, because I’m fucking terrified. You raped me last night. I told you to stop, and you didn’t,” I spit as he hangs his head.

“I know, Princess. I know. For the first time, the monster let me watch what he was doing. Locked me in the cage that is my mind while he took over, allowing me to see everything so vividly,” he admits, which has my eyes widening at his confession.

“What do you mean? I thought the voices just egg you on, but they were gone when you killed The Carver,” I state, and he shakes his head.

“You’re right that's exactly what usually happens but there’s something I’ve been keeping from all of you and I don’t know how to explain it myself, and I was trying to get control of it but last night the monster reared his ugly head and showed his face, hurting you in the process, and I never wanted that to happen. I died a little inside watching him hurt you the way he did and the words he said.” He sighs. Bending down, I cup his face, forcing him to look up at me.

“I’m fucking terrified, Jamie. Not only for myself, but for our kids. Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we trusted one another,” I shout, and he frowns.

“I wanted to figure it out by myself. I didn’t want to involve anyone else until I knew I needed help. The blackouts have been making me feel things I don’t normally feel. I see snippets of scenes I don’t remember and I’m not sure who I’m seeing but when I wake up from them. I feel guilty, like I’ve done something I can’t remember that I won’t be able to come back from, but last night was different,” he explains, and I bring my lips to his, kissing him softly.

“I need you to come back to me, Jamie. The man I saw last night can never come out again. I’ve accepted you and everything you are, but that monster scares me to the core and he cannot live in our home,” I warn, and he nods. Standing, I walk over to the wall and take down the chains, slowly relieving his arms. He removes the cuffs from around his wrists, throwing the heavy metal to the ground, causing them to echo around the empty room. He winces as he rubs the shoulder where Ryder shot him, and looks over at me.

“Can I please hug you?” he pleads, and I nod. He rushes into my space, falling to his knees, wrapping his arms around my waist, lifting my deep purple sundress and pressing his lips to my bump. “I’m so fucking sorry, Princess. I’m so fucking sorry. Please forgive me. Know I’d never hurt you.” He sobs, kissing my stomach and up my body, over my chest and neck, cupping my face. “I love you, Jade.” He breathes, resting his forehead against mine. “Please don’t leave me. I won’t survive it,” he says as tears pour down his face. “I’ll never forgive myself for what The Monster did to you. Never,” he rasps, kissing my cheeks, holding me tightly.

“Jamie, I understand. I just… I don’t know how to feel right now. There’s so much going on, and you losing control is not what any of us needs,” I say, and he nods, pressing his lips softly against mine. I pull his bloody shirt towards me, needing to feel him against me. Despite last night’s events, I can’t help but yearn for his touch, for his love. Looking up at him, our eyes collide as he searches mine, for I don’t know what. “I’m not leaving you, Jamie, but if you are struggling, you need to tell us. Even if it’s not me. Tell Spade or Ry. Let us help you,” I beg of him, and he smiles, nodding in agreement.

“My promise is to you. I’ll never be my father. I don’t want to be that monster.” He confesses, and I reach up on my tippy toes, kissing him. He growls, deepening the kiss as his hands slide down my waist, cupping my ass.

“You are not Dalton,” I spit, pulling him closer to me as his eyes cast down. “Look at me, Jameson,” I command, and his eyes fly back up to mine. “Are you listening to me? You are not Dalton! You will never be fucking Dalton. What you are is a beautiful man and husband, and most of all, an amazing dad. The monster inside doesn’t define you, Jamie. Unfortunately, we are all products of our parents' neglect, but we are stronger than them. Do you hear me?” I say through gritted teeth, and he smiles, showcasing that dimple I love so much.

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