Page 47 of Little Gray Dress

If she could have had a suite with a kitchen to cook for the staff when she felt up to it, she’d have loved it. But they don’t really do that in hospitals, so she settled for games on the iPad Evan brought her, and old movies from her childhood on DVD.

I’ve been here for the last week, knowing her passing was getting close. Stop being sad for me Emi, I’ve had a good life. You just make the most of yours as I did mine. She said it practically every hour, which would only send me into more fits of crying.

“I’ve already taken care of everything, Em. All you have to do is show up to the funeral.” Evan takes over when I finally release Jack from my grip so I sob into Evan’s shoulder.

“But it’s not fair, Ev. We’re only twenty-five years old. We haven’t had any of the big moments in life: no weddings, no babies, nothing.” When I snort back a runny nose is when he directs me back to Jack.

“I know. We will, though, and when we do we have plenty of friends to share the moment with us. We still have each other.” Evan is too good a brother, especially since we lost Dad. He’s basically become a father figure to me, and now he’s taking over as the parent in my life.

“OK,” I sniffle, and glance back at my mother lying so peacefully, eyes closed, almost with a smile on her face.

“Emi, dear.” My aunt Maggie engulfs me in a giant hug. “She was such a marvelous woman. She’s happier now, though.”

I nod my head and fight back the tears. Every time someone hugs me more tears roll down my cheeks and it takes everything I have to not just sob until I can’t sob anymore. “You know anytime you need me I’m just a few miles away, right?” She holds me at arm’s length with a serious look on her face. “You haven’t lost everyone. You still have me, Evan, and Uncle Melvin. We’ll be right here for years to come.”

“But…what…about…when…I…get…married…or…or…or…” I try not to sob it out but it just happens.

“Or what dear?”

“Or get pregnant? Who will be there then?”

“Well, I will! Your mother was a good twelve years older than me so I’ll gladly take her place in all those events. Anytime you need anything a girl would go to her mother for you, come to me.” She says it sternly, as if I can’t hear over the sobbing.

“Emi…” Evan walks up to us. “It’s been a week, I understand you're sad, I am too, but you’re still crying… maybe you need a drink?”

“No. I will not get drunk on the day of my mother’s funeral.” I’m determined to not have another story where Emi had too much to drink when her emotions couldn’t handle things.

“Then how about you just get some food, coffee, and try and relax?” He nods towards Jack who comes to my rescue. He and Aunt Maggie are busy filling plates of food a caterer brought hours ago.

I sit at my mom’s dining table, a plate piled high full of food that will exceed any calorie counting I’ve been doing. Mac and cheese, scalloped potatoes, ham, everything but anything green.

“Here ya go, sugar. I got you a coffee, just the way you like it.”

“You put booze in it?” I frown, remembering the promise I made myself of not drinking today. Even though this is quite possibly the second worse day of my life, for some reason I feel like it’s a memory I want to keep forever. I had one mother give me up before I had any memories of her, and now the one who volunteered to love me like she gave birth to me is gone.

“No, I didn’t put booze in it.” Jack laughs a little before sitting next to me with a plate of food.

“Emi! You poor sweet girl.” Behind me, Amelia’s heels are clicking across the tiled floor quickly towards me. Before I can stand up she’s got me pinned to my chair in a hug. “Anything you need, you let me know. You’ve been a part of my family for so long that you’re already like another daughter. Do you understand that?” I nod as she pulls away, trying desperately to keep the tears back. “My lord, girl, you look terrible. You can come and stay with me for a while.”

“But I—”

“Nope, there will be no buts. You will move into Jack’s old room and I will make sure you get through this.”

I guess staying with Amelia and Robert for a few days wouldn’t kill me. Walking around this house I once shared with my mother is doing nothing but making this whole thing harder. Every time a memory pops up I lose it, and I’ve been eating peanut butter and jelly for far too many months now.

“All right.” I force a smile and nod my head. As I eat, I watch all the people I know and love share stories, laughs, and hugs about my mother. I’m just not there yet, though. I can’t seem to talk about her as if she’s in the past.

“I’m nervous. Are you nervous?” I ask Evan as we sit in Jack’s partner Andy’s office.

“Not really.”

“But what if there is more than we expected? Or less?”

“Either way, it’s more than the five hundred dollars in my account right now.” Evan smiles at me.

“How are you always broke?” I ask him, wondering how Mom and Dad always considered him the more responsible of the two of us. “You’re single, you live in a crap apartment and you work all the time.”

“I know how to have fun. You should try it sometime.”

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