‘Sleeping with me is not what you wanted to happen? Because it sure didn’t seem that way a few hours ago—’
‘Notwhat I meant, Ambri.Youmean everything to me.Everythingabout last night was perfect. While I was with you, I finally felt like me again. You’re my best friend and I meant everything I said, but I think…’ he takes a deep breath as if he needs to work up the courage to say whatever he’s about to say ‘…I think I need a new life. One without all the memories of what happened. I’m not the guy I was anymore.’ He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor for a few moments before finally looking back over at me. ‘Iaman idiot, and I wouldn’t blame you even a little bit if you hate me. This isn’t what I wanted to happen. I know there are no words for me to fix this but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.Soincredibly sorry.’
I stop in the middle of the room, feeling like I need to escape what’s happening, but so afraid if I do, I’ll never see him again. I stand silently for a moment staring over at him, confused. All the feelings that built up in me last night slowly falling apart. My heart shattering so severely it’s making me feel sick.
‘I’m just one of those memories…’ I say quietly with my voice wavering, regretting ever having asked the question. ‘Being with you made me feel something I’ve never felt for anyone and yet suddenly to you I’m a bad reminder of everything you’ve lost. Why didn’t you say this last night? Why haven’t you said this at all over the last year?’ I yell at him. ‘I guess that means our eleven-year friendship has meant shit to you?’ I bite my lip as I stare at him, tears already spilling over even though I really don’t want him to see what this is doing to me. His eyes look much darker than usual as he looks at me with pain all over his face. I don’t even know if he’s really listening to me.
He shakes his head, his eyes now glazing over with the emotion he’s trying so hard to hide. ‘That’s not it at all. You mean everything to me.’
‘Right. Everything. But still not enough to be the person you’re searching for. Do what you need to do, Henry. If you need a new life without me, I hope you get one. But you should know that I don’t think I can ever forgive you for this.’
I make my way down the hall to my bedroom. Throwing his clothes into the hall, stopping and glancing back at him; he’s staring back, obviously as hurt and confused as I am. ‘Happy fucking birthday to me, huh?’ I watch as he drops his head into his hands with a sigh before I slam the door behind me, falling apart for the first time in years without him by my side.