Page 43 of The Last Dance

I stare at him, tears now streaming down my face. His face is pained, his breathing shallow. I shake my head, wiping away tears.

‘Now that you’re back, it’s like it all happened yesterday and I’m suffering all over again. You got the new life you wanted. The one where I’m not in it. Now I’m stuck over here wondering how the fuck I’m going to make it through having to be around you again while you’re happy with her.’

He shakes his head. ‘I’m not happy, Ambri,’ he says in a lowered voice, his eyes glazed over. ‘For two years I’ve told myself I was but the moment I saw you, at Imperial…’ He pauses. ‘Every timeI’ve seen you again… I know I’m not happy.’

‘Well, that’s just great!’ I yell, his eyes widening as he watches me throw my hands in the air, frustrated with him all over again. ‘So now I’m doing exactly what you ran from to begin with. Making you depressed because I only serve as one of those memories that you can’t seem to let go of. Perfect!’ I pause, trying to find the words to say what I want to say. The what ifs that have tormented me since he left. ‘Was it planned, Henry? That night? That almost-kiss at the concert? Did you only want to get a piece of ass from the woman you were closest to and then disappear, so you could finally move on with your life?’

‘No!Howcould you even think that?’

‘Thenwhy?Whydid you sleep with me if you knew you couldn’t handle it?’

He drops his head, momentarily staring at the sidewalk before looking back up at me. ‘Because I was in love with you!’

Despite my trying my best at holding back any more tears than have already fallen, they start sliding down my cheeks in a half sob that I can’t control. I cover my face, feeling Henry move closer but never touching me.

‘You loved me?’ The words come out in almost a whisper, hardly even rolling off my tongue at all. I finally look up at him, only inches between us.

He nods, biting together his lips, obviously trying his best to hold back his own emotions. He reaches down and taking one of my hands in his. ‘Somuch, Ambri.’ His voice is quiet almost like he only wants his words to be heard by me. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you, butIwas hurting. I thought I was doing you a favor by leaving. I didn’t think I was good enough. You deserved so much more than the mess I was. I couldn’t seem to get out of my own head and I had to leave before things got worse. I’d have never planned to hurt you the way I did. I should have never left. I should have told you how I felt right then.’

I want to believe every word he’s saying because I’ve imagined him saying them since the day he left. But I can’t. I don’t know if I can trust him again. I shake my head, pulling my hand from his and backing away.

‘No…’ I cry, taking a deep breath and shoving the tears away where I normally keep them, hidden down with the rest of my feelings. I wipe my face. ‘No.You can’t just come back and pick up where you left off.Weare over. I’ve moved on. You haven’t.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You willnevermove on fromher. You hide behind Rory’s ghost as an excuse as to why you can’t live your life. I know you, remember? It’s been all over your faceeverytime I’ve seen you. You still haven’t let her go. You haven’t found the Henry I once knew, even after leaving all the so-called memories behind.’ I stare over at him, unable to look away from the pain in his eyes. ‘I’ve moved on from it because Ihadto face it.On. My. Own.Without you.’ I take a deep breath. ‘I don’t need you anymore. Just like you didn’t need me.’

He frowns. My words have hurt him, I can see it. ‘I did need you. I needed youtoomuch. I was only hurting you by needing you for every little thing in my life. I know that’s hard for you to see but it’s true. You were afraid of me and my constantly changing emotions. You were my best friend, and you wereafraidof me, Ambri. It wasn’t right. I am sorry for hurti—’ He sighs, shaking his head. ‘I’m sorry for destroying you and ruining your life. Ineverwanted that. I loved you so much. But I was scared and I made the biggest mistake of my life. I regret it every day. If I could do it over again—’

‘You can’t.’ I interrupt him.

He nods, slowly backing away from me. ‘I know,’ he says, his voice shaking. ‘I am sorry. For everything.’ He finally turns away from me, making his way back towards his building, slowly.

I lean against the building I’m standing near, barely able to breathe watching him walk away until he turns the corner. I let out a huge breath, wiping away the tears that have fallen as he walked away. I want to hate him like I said I did. But hate isnotwhat I’m feeling right now. I glance back towards his building, almost hoping to see him again. He needed to hear what I said no matter how much he didn’t want to.Ineeded to hear what I said. I’ve never said any of it out loud. If I never see him again, at least I was able to say what I felt. Ugh. Why does me imagining never seeing him again hurt just as much as him leaving? What is he doing to me?

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