Page 51 of The Last Dance

‘OK, I’m sorry for even bringing it up. But I got it. When I’m dying, I’ll ask again.’ She rolls her eyes and storms out of the room.

I shove my laptop in my bag and grab my keys from the hook on the wall near the door. ‘I’m going out!’ I yell, slamming the door behind me, fully expecting her to follow me and apologize.

She doesn’t.

I stare into the dark that is the parking garage after I get in my truck. I have no idea where I’m going. I grab my phone, scrolling through the contacts and stopping on Rory’s name. I’ve never been able to delete it because it felt like I’d be deleting her and I was never ready.

*

‘I know what I want,’ she says as soon as I walk through the door.

This is the moment I’ve been dreading. The doctors told us a few weeks ago that there was nothing else they could do for her. We needed to prepare ourselves for the end. She spends most of her days in this hospital bed now. We asked her if there was anything she wanted to do before she passed, and she asked for some time to think about it.

I set the tray of coffee I brought for the nurses on the table near her bed before sitting down next to her.

‘OK, anything.’ I pull her fragile hand to my lips, preparing myself for whatever she’s about to say.

‘I want to get married. I’ve been dreaming of it since I was five. I don’t know if I want to leave life without having done it.’

My heart drops into my stomach with a thud I can almost hear. She mentioned this before and somehow it faded away. It’s not that I don’t love Rory enough to marry her. I do. I’ve also never been convinced there would be anyone I’d want to take that step with. Getting married is last thing she wants to do before she dies. How can I marry a woman who sees the whole world in me, and still go on without her?

Rory has always been the girl in love with romance. We watch every romance movie ever made. I’ve seen enoughSay Yes to the Dressfor a lifetime. There’s no way I can make this into what she’s dreaming of given our current situation.

‘I’d be honored,’ I say, before gently kissing her forehead.

She hands me a page filled with her writing. Pink lilies, Ambri as her maid of honor, a lace dress, soft lighting, and only our closest friends and family. I stare down at the list of things she wants for this wedding, begging myself not to lose it.

‘It’s going to be perfect.’ She beams.

I nod. ‘It is. I’ll take care of everything.’ I touch her face, staring into her eyes, wishing it didn’t have to be like this. ‘I’ll be right back. Gonna bring these out to the nurses’ station.’

‘Hurry back.’ She smiles, but even her smile has faded from what it once was.

I set my messenger bag on the chair and grab the coffees, closing her room door behind me. The walk from her room to the nurses’ station feels like a mile. I set the coffee on the counter without saying anything. The elevator dings as the doors open; I see her walk out and walk down the hall towards her.

‘How is she?’ she asks when she gets close enough. ‘What’s wrong? Why are you so pale? Did something happen?’ She starts to bolt towards Rory’s room, but I grab her hand.

‘She’s OK. She uh – she knows what she wants.’

Ambri searches my face for the answer. ‘Well, what is it? We’ll do it today.’

I shake my head, my chin quivering, unable to keep holding back the tears. ‘She wants to get married.’ I can barely get out the words. ‘I don’t know if I can do this, Ambri. How am I supposed to make it through all this?’

Ambri lets out a gasp. She doesn’t say anything at all, just wraps her arms around me and lets me, a full-grown man, sob.

*

A horn honks, startling me and bringing me back to reality. I gotta let her go. I hit delete on her number and scroll to Ben’s contact, hitting dial.

‘What’s up? Need another pool ass-kicking?’

‘I need to stop by.’ I croak out the words as I force the memory out of my head.

He sighs into the phone. ‘You know you’re always welcome here, man.’

I toss the phone onto the passenger seat and pull the letter she left me from my glove box. It’s been here since I brought her things home from the hospital. My name in her handwriting across the front. I’ve never read it. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I shove it into my inside jacket pocket and start the truck.

*

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