Page 2 of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

‘What?’

‘Tell him,’ she says to Jake.

He shakes his head. ‘I’m not telling him. It was your idea. You get to sweet-talk him into this one.’

I drop my head. ‘What did you two do?’

‘Well…’ She drags out the word, now squinting one eye closed as she considers her words. ‘Two ideas. Don’t be mad.’

Don’t be mad? That’s not a great lead-in when it comes to Brynn. Her ideas never end up good for me. She once convinced me to join a charity auction to make some money for the business. I delivered flower arrangements to a retirement home weekly for two months. If you’ve never tried to escape a building full of elderly women thrilled to see a single young man, you’ve never really lived. That’s a joke. I’ve never been groped so much in my life. Talk about dirty. Damn. The jokes and innuendos nearly went to my head. I had no idea eighty-something-year-old women were that horny.

‘Whatever it is, just say it.’

‘I need you to stay through the ceremony today. There’s been a change of plans, and I’ve already promised, so be prepared to make it happen.’

‘Continue,’ I say.

‘The bride saw a viral Facebook video, and she’s requested a similar event.’

‘What’s that got to do with me?’

She grits her teeth together in an awkward grimace as she pulls her phone from a pocket in her dress. ‘Maybe just watch?’

What the hell did she sign me up for that she can’t even put into words?

I take the phone she’s now handing me, pressing the play button on the video she’s loaded. The most ridiculous song ever blasts through the speakers.

A man appears at the end of the aisle, flinging his floral print suit jacket open and revealing a belt bag that he unzips with a flair I’ve never witnessed before. He grabs handfuls of flower petals, blowing them off his hand like a kiss towards women in the crowd. Christ. I can’t help but laugh as he makes his way down the aisle, dancing, charming the women, and embarrassing the men.

‘You’re not expecting me to do this, are you?’

‘No,’ Brynn says. ‘I’m expecting you to be better than that.’

Our eyes meet. She’s got to be kidding.

‘The bride requested you specifically.’

‘Why me?’

‘Because you’re hot to trot,’ Jake says as if I should know this.

‘He’s not wrong,’ Brynn says. ‘Look at you. Tall, dark, more than handsome. If we weren’t related…’

‘Ew.’ I throw my head back in disgust, and Jake looks even more horrified.

‘Jesus,’ he says. ‘That’s a scene I didn’t need in my mind’s eye. Like I don’t already feel like a troll standing next to this overly tall, bearded dreamboat, you gotta go and say something like that?’

‘I’ve neveractuallythought of it,’ she reassures him. ‘He’s my cousin. That’d be gross. I’m just sayingthat’swhy the bride chose you. You’re pretty.’

‘I’m pretty,’ I repeat her words, shaking my head. ‘You’re serious about this? You wantmeto be the flower boy?’

‘It is your business name there, big fella. Not much of a stretch,’ Jake says, slapping my back.

Brynn is starting to visibly panic that my answer will be no. ‘Think of the single women who will be watching,’ she says to entice me. ‘We all know you’re going to hand your card to some single, beautiful bridesmaid before the day is over, who will then offend your neighbors when you ravish her before she disappears into the sunrise, never to be seen again. Maybe this will help flush her out?’

‘You’re trying to bribe me with my own easiness?’

‘Is it working?’

---